A proposition for DeNiro


[Please feel free to distribute as you see fit.]

This entry was posted in Art and Culture, Ideas, Mark's Life, Other, Special Projects, Ypsilanti and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.


  1. Brackinald Achery
    Posted June 9, 2009 at 10:18 pm | Permalink

    That’s the most dead-on whack-a-DeNiro drawing I’ve ever seen.

  2. dan hopper
    Posted June 9, 2009 at 11:01 pm | Permalink

    oh man, the p.s. was the kicker for me. nicely done!

  3. Matt W.
    Posted June 10, 2009 at 5:03 am | Permalink

    I bet my wife would go for that, too. Keep us posted!

  4. Posted June 10, 2009 at 5:31 am | Permalink

    And if anyone would like to use the DeNiro drawing for a tattoo, that would be fine with me.

    As for the kicker, I thought it was when I said that he didn’t have to stay.

  5. Posted June 10, 2009 at 8:02 am | Permalink

    No, dan is right, the PS is the kicker. But I’d a PPS: Feel free to bring Milla if you can drag her away from the Olive Garden.

  6. Anonymatt
    Posted June 10, 2009 at 8:11 am | Permalink

    I can see removing his wart from the picture to flatter him, but I’m not sure removing his right ear and jawbone will have the same effect.

    Good Luck, though.

  7. Christine M
    Posted June 10, 2009 at 9:22 am | Permalink

    Is it weird that I’ve always wanted to go to the strip club but my husband could care less and refuses to take me?

  8. Otterman
    Posted June 10, 2009 at 11:00 am | Permalink

    Would a Deniro lookalike work? Couldn’t you just rent a limo and have someone who vaguely resembles him lean out the window and wave at your wife as he picks you up? And where would your wives draw the line? Would bhandjobs be OK, if Deniro was buying? How about blowjobs? What if it was Clooney (accompanying you, instead of Deniro, not performing said act).

  9. West Cross
    Posted June 10, 2009 at 12:21 pm | Permalink

    Apparently Otterman knows of a more full service establishment than any Ypsilanti club I know of. Of course I imagine Deniro can probably get hand and/or blowjobs on command whenever he wants, wherever he wants. You don’t mess with Travis Bickle.

  10. Patrick
    Posted June 10, 2009 at 3:03 pm | Permalink

    I heard that when Edward Norton stopped into Whole Foods this week he didn’t even pay for his own groceries. I’ll bet he would pull some “Hey Mark, can you cover this lap dance? I’m totally good for it!” action …

  11. Posted June 10, 2009 at 9:16 pm | Permalink


    Posted June 10, 2009 at 9:28 pm | Permalink

    I do not read these pages much, and post even less, but the timing here is too much to be ignored.

    I had recently sent this to several people. (“people”, remain silent….I know where your bodies remain? buried….(subtle hint)).

    So, I put a dinner at the new Ypsi Mongolian Grill on my debit card.
    It shows as:
    CHECKCARD 0604 PUB 13

    so, does the same landlord run everything there/ use the same
    mastercard account? Guess so.

    This means if any charges for a XXX club show on your bills, “I was at
    the Mongolian Grill….”

    Remember, great power should be used wisely….

  13. Ol' E Cross
    Posted June 11, 2009 at 1:26 am | Permalink

    Dear MM old timers,

    OEC is done and dead, and so I bid you a difficult farewell. I’ve been commenting here for decades, it seems, and I’ve always found it hard when the frequent commenting friend disappears without explanation … satan rhymes with leighton and whatnot … poof … they’re gone. So many left without saying goodbye. Here’s mine:

    1) I don’t trust myself right now. Meaning. My wife and daughter and I are well, but things close to us are not. To be upfront, I have a sister in a very bad situation. I have immense anger against someone in her life. I’ve posted a few absurd things to this blog that later I realized were misplaced anger at the person harming my sibling. Someone is harming my sibling. I can’t respond to them. I’m taking out hostility here. That’s not good for community. I apologize to folks for my heightened hostility, of late.

    Seriously, friends, seeing my little sister in the ER, it’s been affecting me a lot. It took me a while to connect the behavioral dots.

    2) A while ago, I made a comment. A few minutes later a local leader e-mailed me with a response. Everybody knows who I am. Which, to one extent, is fine with me. But, when I say stupid, aggressive stuff because my sister is in the ER, I wonder.

    3) On Ypsitucky, Mark said: “So, I’m done with it. I refuse to participate in a system where people, in order to get their way, create bigger problems for us all to deal with.” I agree entirely. Long, long time readers will know I generally fall on a particular local political side. It’s always been strictly on personal principle. The whole Ypsitucky thing, for the record, erased sides more than either can imagine.

    Again, as one last shout out for old time friends, tonight, I’m posting drunk.

    Tonight, I am a sobbing approaching forty year old whose little sister is in the ER.

    I think Mark, and you all, should take some pride and reflection at the amount of pain I’m leaving here.

    All I wanted was the trigger pulling clip. Here, if the link works, is my best proximity “a href=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zP1IjgSO_E”>at a farewell.

    Again, friends and rhetorical enemies. I’ve been honest. I’ve pushed buttons a bit. But I’ve always tried at honest.

    I apologize, again, for my more recent rudeness.

    Mark, without detail, thank you. So well done.

    Goodbye friends.

    Last words:

    God love fucking Ypsipanty.

    God forgive us all.

    To paraphrase a poem by ken mikolowski:

    “I am drunk.”

    Goodbye you fucking beautiful motherfuckers.

    Shout out, my godfearing antithesis EOS.

    Dirtgrain, you’re the only one older than me. You are brilliant.

    Ah. So farewell.




  14. Ol' E Cross
    Posted June 11, 2009 at 1:35 am | Permalink

    Back to Mikolowski … Three little words: I am drunk.

    As such, my attempt at a farewell link failed. Here, it is,try two, so long, farewell, adieu.

  15. Huckett
    Posted June 11, 2009 at 12:24 pm | Permalink

    I blame DeNiro for everything.

  16. Posted June 11, 2009 at 12:42 pm | Permalink

    OEC brother, take care, and I hope you change your mind. We’re all a family and we care. If you are done with comments, I’ll miss them, and I guess I’ll just have to wallk down the street more.

  17. Ypsilanti Comfort
    Posted June 11, 2009 at 1:39 pm | Permalink


  18. Prawn Belly
    Posted June 11, 2009 at 2:46 pm | Permalink

    I allowed my husband to smoke crack with someone from the cast of The Real World.

  19. Kathryn
    Posted June 11, 2009 at 3:22 pm | Permalink

    I let my husband murder a drifter with one of the guys in Starsky and Hutch. I can’t remember which.

  20. Posted June 11, 2009 at 8:34 pm | Permalink

    If OEC is really gone, he deserves a proper send off.

    When I first started commenting on this site, OEC reached out to me, as if I were the new kid and he was my first friend.

    I read this site for the comments as much as I do Mark’s content. And OEC has always been my favorite commenter. One of those who if I see his name at the top under recent comments, I always read it.

    For some reason, this comment (randomly) stood out to me. It was last summer during the Olympics, in the midst of a relaxed thread about the Olympics mixed in with gentle blues legend Mississippi John Hurt:

    “I don’t know. I just watched the closing ceremonies and kind of want to be Chinese. (Props to China, it worked.)

    All those glorious glittering bodies floating in harmony, especially juxtaposed to London’s “Don’t we wear funny trousers and look, a Jimmy Page cameo” intermission.

    Free speech is incoherent. Incoherence is discord, discord is violent. The Tower of Babel, on the other hand, makes me feel a human. There is something powerful about mass, and China has mass.

    I’ll think different in the morning, but, for tonight, I just wanted to dangle like a power ranger on a wire in the bird nest of black powder and flashing feats of flesh. I want to be mass.

    If I were Chinese, tonight, I’d be something close to proud.”

    Mark, would you put together a post/thread about OEC? He deserves it. If he’s gone, let’s give him a proper send off.

    Let’s hope the real OEC never stops contributing to this site. Names don’t matter, right?

  21. Posted June 11, 2009 at 8:43 pm | Permalink

    OEC and I have talked, and he knows he has an open invitation to return if/when the feeling strikes him. His presence will surely be lost, but my hope is that perhaps others, inspired by his heroic efforts these past several years, will jump in to fill the gaping goatse of a void created by his loss. This site would be nothing without those men and women, like OEC, who risk their lives to participate in the comments section… Goodbye, OEC, my friend.

  22. Posted June 11, 2009 at 9:04 pm | Permalink

    So this is the thread to say goodbye….c’mon faithful readers. Step up to the podium.

  23. Brackinald Achery
    Posted June 11, 2009 at 9:31 pm | Permalink

    It’s your fault I’m here, OEC. Your fault.

    I am very glad we fulfilled our crazy pipe dream of critiquing local fried chicken joints. That was the best.

    If you can dream it, you can do it. You taught me that.

  24. Posted June 11, 2009 at 9:41 pm | Permalink

    On a more serious note, I’m thinking that DeNiro probably isn’t going to respond.

  25. Posted June 12, 2009 at 8:45 am | Permalink

    I don’t usually make comments under thread topics not involving plane crashes or suspicious homicides. (By the way, David Caradine was murdered, and a bomb brought down Air France Flight 447. You’ll see.) However, the occasion of OEC suggesting he is departing this blog is cause for every one of us to be concerned.

    Though I never liked the guy, his comments have always been by far the most consistently intelligent and entertaining on this blog. That’s something I can’t deny. Even Mark Maynard himself comes in a distant second to OEC in that regard, and most of what talent Mark does display here he learned (or ripped off) from the much more witty and eloquent OEC. All you have to do is go back through the older posts to see the proof of that, if for some reason you don’t believe me.

    Sure, a few other key individuals, in brief moments of brilliance and/or inspiration, get some good ones off once in a while…usually just one liners. But from the first comment he made to this blog, OEC has been consistently cruising at a level of wit and insight somewhat above the rest of the MM.com fray. He has rarely even stumbled a little bit. Believe me, I know. Because I’ve been waiting patiently for the slightest mistake on his part, which I intended to jump on for the rare opportunity, and privilege really, to beat him down brutally in any way possible.

    Now he seems to be under the impression that he owes somebody here an apology for something – rudeness or some other nonsense. That’s a thoughtful gesture, but I just don’t think it’s necessary at all. I’m pretty sure his insults have sufficiently cleared everyone’s heads, and by yards from what I’ve seen.

    Looking over my comments here so far, I am reminded that OEC’s punctuation, spelling and sentence structure have been up there with the best of ’em here as well.

    I’ll save any really good material I might come up with for the ‘Farewell to OEC’ thread which Mark will certainly be posting in the event that he can’t talk OEC out of leaving, and which he absolutely has to make an attempt at. This stupid blog is doomed without OEC’s contributions whether Mark wants to admit it or not.

  26. Patrick
    Posted June 12, 2009 at 11:45 pm | Permalink

    West Cross wrote, “Apparently Otterman knows of a more full service establishment than any Ypsilanti club I know of.”
    I once lived with a stripper. So, I am not saying I have some kind of inside perspective, but I have met a whole heap of strippers both male and female. They all seem to know each other around town, date each other, etc.
    Well, the long and short of it is, I hate to put people into categories and all that stuff, and I would stop short of saying that all of them are the same, but you know if you have enough money, a stripper will do what you ask for. Every establishment has a backroom.
    Patrick, I am going to have to change my name if we are going to comment together. My real name is Marvinius P. Kokknokker. Should I just use that from now on?

  27. Patrick
    Posted June 13, 2009 at 12:03 am | Permalink

    When I say I have met a heap of strippers, I don’t mean it was like those Abu Ghraib photos.
    And when I say I would stop short of saying they are all the same, I mean way, way, way short of that. I like strippers. I don’t want to offend them or anybody else. They are just trying to make a buck like we all are doing.
    Don’t forget that strippers make money by taking off their clothes. From their perspective, if a customer is willing to pay a lot more for a little extra in a more private part of the club, what is the harm.

  28. Patrick
    Posted June 13, 2009 at 3:30 am | Permalink

    Christine M wrote, “Is it weird that I’ve always wanted to go to the strip club but my husband could care less and refuses to take me?”

    Just flat out refuses to take you, huh? Here is the answer. Tell your husband you are being asked by “Five well-respected men” from Ypsilanti to accompany them to the strip club. That should satisfy your curiosity one way or another.

  29. Magpie
    Posted June 13, 2009 at 10:57 pm | Permalink

    Woop dee dooh. Look’s like another chump abandoned their screen name and it’s now up up for grabs.

    Cue the pipes. Snooooore….

  30. Chumpmushroomdickhea
    Posted June 14, 2009 at 12:41 am | Permalink

    Hi there, mags. Good suggestion.

  31. OEC
    Posted June 14, 2009 at 10:30 am | Permalink

    Now I am OEC! HAHAHAHA!!!

    I will use this name of power to promote anarcho-capitalist ideals! I will drive my enemies before me, and hear the lamentation of their women!

  32. tommy
    Posted June 15, 2009 at 8:44 pm | Permalink

    Whoo Hoo – you’re on Buzzfeed now – http://www.buzzfeed.com/scott/dear-mister-de-niro – still don’t think Rupert Pupkin will call.

  33. Oliva
    Posted June 16, 2009 at 2:35 pm | Permalink

    (Real) OEC, warmest wishes that you and your little sister are going to be all right. I know a bad man who harmed my little sister, and the two men who took it upon themselves to try to hurt him back ended up dying young (not related, directly anyway), while the bad guy lives on. (My sister lives on too–not just lives but thrives.) So I’m glad you didn’t act on the righteous-feeling impulse on her behalf but wish you both heaps of love and freedom from harm.

  34. Gretchen
    Posted June 16, 2009 at 4:04 pm | Permalink

    Was it all this talk of DeNiro and strippers that sent OEC away?

  35. candace
    Posted June 18, 2009 at 7:25 am | Permalink

    why can’t Edward Norton come??? send him to my place while you’re out ;-)

  36. Laurie Sted
    Posted June 18, 2009 at 7:52 am | Permalink

    Word is that he’s left town as of this morning.

  37. Mike Shecket
    Posted July 22, 2010 at 5:59 pm | Permalink

    The trailer for “Stone” is out…I think I see a short bit in the Tap Room.

10 Trackbacks

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