my dyslexia yields comedy gold

I don’t get on Facebook too often, but, when I do, I like to leave a witty little update about what I’m doing at the moment. That’s what most folks there do, and, as I’m somewhat competitive by nature, I can’t just walk away. If my friend Pete leaves a comment about how he’s longing for the touch of David Lee Roth, for instance, I feel as though I need to counter with something as good or better. So, today, as I was sitting here at the kitchen table, across from my aquarium, reading everyone’s updates on Facebook, I began thinking about how I wouldn’t have to use my feet for hands if I could put an aquarium heater in the tub with me. My back, you see, has been out these past few days, so I’ve been spending quite a bit of time just lying still in the tub, occasionally using my feet to work the faucet and the drain, to exchange cold water for hot. So, I was sitting here thinking about using an aquarium heater to keep the tub warm, when it occurred to me that it would make a nice replacement for the update I had up on Facebook at the moment, which was, “Mark is working on his enemies list.” And here’s what I wrote:

“Mark is wondering if he could put an aquarium heater in his tub so he’d stay warm all night.”

Only problem is, that’s not what I really wrote. What I really wrote was this:

“Mark is wondering if he could put an aquarium heater in his but so he’d stay warm all night.”

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  1. Posted January 19, 2009 at 11:58 pm | Permalink

    I assumed the typo was leaving out the extra “t.” There’s more than one way to get heat on those lower back muscles.

  2. Steve Swan
    Posted January 20, 2009 at 9:08 am | Permalink

    Once again my visiting this site has paid off. This idea, I predict, will make me rich beyond my wildest dreams.

  3. dragon
    Posted January 20, 2009 at 9:25 am | Permalink

    Better than a Squirmy Rooter!

  4. dirtgrain
    Posted January 20, 2009 at 12:29 pm | Permalink

    Will you be having a professional installation?

    In instances like this, how can a dyslexic person tell whether or not he or she has made a Freudian slip?

  5. john on forest
    Posted January 20, 2009 at 1:17 pm | Permalink

    Tropical fish, I think, thrive at somewhere between 78F and 85F. I”d freeze in bath water that cold. I doubt aquarium heaters are capable of temperatures much above that level.

    I suspect your internal anatomy is more tropical and steamy than that too.

  6. Brackache
    Posted January 20, 2009 at 1:26 pm | Permalink

    Perhaps a curling iron?

  7. Paw
    Posted January 20, 2009 at 4:52 pm | Permalink

    I saw a video once of a school of fish escaping from a Japanese woman. Perhaps it was too hot for them.

  8. Posted January 20, 2009 at 6:46 pm | Permalink

    I guess that probably would be the most effective way of keeping your core temperature up.

  9. ol' e cross
    Posted January 20, 2009 at 10:54 pm | Permalink

    I recommend using a hair drier. But not for the tub.

  10. j7uy5
    Posted January 21, 2009 at 10:11 pm | Permalink

    Umm, I don’t think aquarium warmers are FDA-approved for that purpose.

  11. jbirdy
    Posted January 23, 2009 at 3:27 pm | Permalink

    thanks for making me laugh out loud in the office!

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