I went out and had beers tonight with a lot of the folks that are going to be in Saturday’s Shadow Art Fair. One of the people I had an opportunity to talk with was a fellow who will be writing haikus during the event. He’s like an Olympian of haiku. He’s gong to sit there, in one spot, for 12 solid hours, and write haiku. He’s going to write them on commission for one dollar a piece. I thought I’d test him, so I threw out a subject. “The automotive bailout,” I said smugly, thinking that I’d thrown him a curve ball. He nodded, as though he’d accepted my challenge, sat down, puzzled over it for a minute, and handed the following back to me.
If you can’t read it, it says:
Fly by private plane
Hands out begging for money
GM, Ford, Chrystler
“Yup,” I thought, “this is going to be a good Shadow Art Fair.”
41 Comments
I’ll even try to learn how to spell properly by then, but no guarantees….
It’s been my experience that good spellers are assholes. Don’t worry about it.
Tom is the G0d of Haiku. Bow before his xtr3m3 1337 h41ku 5ki11z.
Seriously, I look forward to his Haiku collection every month. Go Tom!
Where’s all the Haikus
In the comments of this thread?
I’m sure they’ll crop up
I’m the Haiku King
And for only ninety cents
I’ll make one for you
lousy haiku maker
takes hard earned American dollar
returns nonsense crap
Tom is a badass.
Well, now I must fill the space.
One line said it all.
haha, Cousin Geoff you have a point. let me rephrase:
Tom, G0d of Haiku
bow down to his xtr3m3 5k1||z
haiku for your soul
I had understood
a seasonal reference
was necessary
So technically
they’re not full-on haiku poems
return the dollars
I could be so wrong
but usually I am
sure as the snowfall
Lou ain’t my daddy
Tom ain’t no match for the King
Bow down, kiss the ring
So I looked it up
and am proved correct again
I’m the killing frost
I cannot make it to the SAF, but I’m very excited for Tom.
Seasons matter not
Coccoon’d in our winter caves
Passing time with art
Traditional haiku have a much more than simply 5-7-5, as folks above have noted. I’m more interested in simply trying to make a complete thought fit into that simple format, though, so that’s what I do.
Gotcha. Sorry for the obligatory fly-in-the-ointmentness.
haiku or zappai?
traditional nitpicking
kigo out of vogue
furnace warms winter
air conditioned summer days
seasonless lifestyle
King of haiku smack
Slappin’ back imposter cats
Fakin’ the funk facts
Shortened rays of sun
Disspirit leaves, grass, birds, bugs
blah blah no one cares.
Lengthened. Not shortened.
Yo Brackache cheer up
It is an hour past noon
Pour yourself a drink!
Trussed up, hen’s pecking
Ev’ry thread’s an open thread
Exalted Cyclops.
A Monster Machine
Makes five plaster monster heads
As gifts for Christmas
But your innocence
And everything else you’ve lost
Ain’t found on ebay
Your hopeful budding
Doesn’t return every year
It just gets colder
One thing I know
Is that winter’s not so bad
If you dress for it
All bow down to Tom!
This winter day is warmed up by
His haiku furnace.
Prop A and Headlee
Unfair taxation structure
Suck it, township turds
will miss shadow art
moving from ypsilanti
bittersweet farwell
Repeal day is here!
The end of prohibition
Boy, I like to drink
It’s so obvious
Mary Poppins is a witch!
Will no one listen?!?
The birds are eating
that poor old tuppins lady
she’s a bag alright.
The Problem Fixer
My septic tank clogged.
Walnut-head man works to fix.
Baron von Rectum
A Salute to Mark
Shadow Art Fair King
sure loves him some ballshaving.
Solidly a douche
Haiku
In the bus station
The beautiful young woman
With only one eye
Shadow Art Fair today:
Christmas cards are nice
wish I had enough spare cash
for Tin Angry Men
Not a beer drinker
the Corner has jars of wine
Rum would be warmer
I’d rather hang out
with all my friends and neighbors
than cut down a tree
Ypsi heals today
Snow blankets ground with relief
We feel alright now
SAF hunger
biannual breakfast fest
eat late at beezy’s
but seriously
I’m starved
and I’ll be whipping up some eggs for a little 2 am breakfast
park in the huron lot
knock 3 times
and enter the secret breakfast club
I’ll be savvy enough to advert next shadow…
free breakfast for anyone who saved some Shadow stout.
xo
bee
pinworm in blacklight,
a turtleneck demo, it’s
Baron von Rectum
how can we teach them?
a flashlight aimed inward
Baron von Rectum
oops.
should be…
how can we teach them?
a flashlight pointed inward
Baron von Rectum
This is fun. Thanks Tim.
Shoe-loaded tiger-rider
across Paraguay
The world’s in trouble
Only one man can save it
Baron von Rectum
Great puff of red smoke
Announces his arrival
That’s right: BvR
Manhandles you good.
Juan de la cruz? No way. It’s
Baron von Rectum
He will make it rain
He will surely cause you big pain
Baron von Rectum
Hits like a monsoon
Listen to the bass go boom!
Baron von Rectum
Farmers, What? Farmers
I think I’m gonna bomb this town.
Get down. von Rectum.
Y town, D R
Normally rant in haiku
Where are they now?
On Hemmorhoids:
Hemmorhoidal flare-ups.
Fujiyamas of the ass.
Baron von Rectum.
Migrant worker said,
“I have a ball on my ass.”
Friend, we must lance it.
Tevicuary
There is a river
In the land of Guarani
Called Ass Water Juice.
Little Neighbor
Tim’s little neighbor
Has such a lovely hair hat.
She is my son’s friend.