$1 haiku at the shadow art fair

I went out and had beers tonight with a lot of the folks that are going to be in Saturday’s Shadow Art Fair. One of the people I had an opportunity to talk with was a fellow who will be writing haikus during the event. He’s like an Olympian of haiku. He’s gong to sit there, in one spot, for 12 solid hours, and write haiku. He’s going to write them on commission for one dollar a piece. I thought I’d test him, so I threw out a subject. “The automotive bailout,” I said smugly, thinking that I’d thrown him a curve ball. He nodded, as though he’d accepted my challenge, sat down, puzzled over it for a minute, and handed the following back to me.

If you can’t read it, it says:

Fly by private plane
Hands out begging for money
GM, Ford, Chrystler

“Yup,” I thought, “this is going to be a good Shadow Art Fair.”

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41 Comments

  1. Posted December 4, 2008 at 11:48 pm | Permalink

    I’ll even try to learn how to spell properly by then, but no guarantees….

  2. mark
    Posted December 4, 2008 at 11:55 pm | Permalink

    It’s been my experience that good spellers are assholes. Don’t worry about it.

  3. WaffleKat
    Posted December 5, 2008 at 12:15 am | Permalink

    Tom is the G0d of Haiku. Bow before his xtr3m3 1337 h41ku 5ki11z.

    Seriously, I look forward to his Haiku collection every month. Go Tom!

  4. Posted December 5, 2008 at 8:37 am | Permalink

    Where’s all the Haikus
    In the comments of this thread?
    I’m sure they’ll crop up

  5. Haiku King
    Posted December 5, 2008 at 8:39 am | Permalink

    I’m the Haiku King
    And for only ninety cents
    I’ll make one for you

  6. haiku pirate
    Posted December 5, 2008 at 10:19 am | Permalink

    lousy haiku maker
    takes hard earned American dollar
    returns nonsense crap

  7. Posted December 5, 2008 at 10:23 am | Permalink

    Tom is a badass.
    Well, now I must fill the space.
    One line said it all.

  8. WaffleKat
    Posted December 5, 2008 at 10:38 am | Permalink

    haha, Cousin Geoff you have a point. let me rephrase:

    Tom, G0d of Haiku
    bow down to his xtr3m3 5k1||z
    haiku for your soul

  9. Brackache
    Posted December 5, 2008 at 10:52 am | Permalink

    I had understood
    a seasonal reference
    was necessary

    So technically
    they’re not full-on haiku poems
    return the dollars

    I could be so wrong
    but usually I am
    sure as the snowfall

  10. Haiku King
    Posted December 5, 2008 at 10:52 am | Permalink

    Lou ain’t my daddy
    Tom ain’t no match for the King
    Bow down, kiss the ring

  11. Brackache
    Posted December 5, 2008 at 10:58 am | Permalink

    So I looked it up
    and am proved correct again
    I’m the killing frost

  12. SauerSauerSauer
    Posted December 5, 2008 at 11:12 am | Permalink

    I cannot make it to the SAF, but I’m very excited for Tom.

    Seasons matter not
    Coccoon’d in our winter caves
    Passing time with art

  13. Posted December 5, 2008 at 11:17 am | Permalink

    Traditional haiku have a much more than simply 5-7-5, as folks above have noted. I’m more interested in simply trying to make a complete thought fit into that simple format, though, so that’s what I do.

  14. Brackache
    Posted December 5, 2008 at 11:26 am | Permalink

    Gotcha. Sorry for the obligatory fly-in-the-ointmentness.

  15. WaffleKat
    Posted December 5, 2008 at 11:44 am | Permalink

    haiku or zappai?
    traditional nitpicking
    kigo out of vogue

    furnace warms winter
    air conditioned summer days
    seasonless lifestyle

  16. Haiku King
    Posted December 5, 2008 at 12:19 pm | Permalink

    King of haiku smack
    Slappin’ back imposter cats
    Fakin’ the funk facts

  17. Brackache
    Posted December 5, 2008 at 12:48 pm | Permalink

    Shortened rays of sun
    Disspirit leaves, grass, birds, bugs
    blah blah no one cares.

  18. Brackache
    Posted December 5, 2008 at 12:54 pm | Permalink

    Lengthened. Not shortened.

  19. Posted December 5, 2008 at 1:05 pm | Permalink

    Yo Brackache cheer up
    It is an hour past noon
    Pour yourself a drink!

  20. Posted December 5, 2008 at 1:10 pm | Permalink

    Trussed up, hen’s pecking
    Ev’ry thread’s an open thread
    Exalted Cyclops.

  21. Brackache
    Posted December 5, 2008 at 1:28 pm | Permalink

    A Monster Machine
    Makes five plaster monster heads
    As gifts for Christmas

    But your innocence
    And everything else you’ve lost
    Ain’t found on ebay

    Your hopeful budding
    Doesn’t return every year
    It just gets colder

  22. Posted December 5, 2008 at 2:06 pm | Permalink

    One thing I know
    Is that winter’s not so bad
    If you dress for it

  23. Melissa
    Posted December 5, 2008 at 6:21 pm | Permalink

    All bow down to Tom!
    This winter day is warmed up by
    His haiku furnace.

  24. Gary
    Posted December 5, 2008 at 6:25 pm | Permalink

    Prop A and Headlee
    Unfair taxation structure
    Suck it, township turds

  25. Brent
    Posted December 5, 2008 at 8:51 pm | Permalink

    will miss shadow art
    moving from ypsilanti
    bittersweet farwell

  26. Kip
    Posted December 6, 2008 at 12:14 am | Permalink

    Repeal day is here!
    The end of prohibition
    Boy, I like to drink

  27. Dunk
    Posted December 6, 2008 at 12:55 am | Permalink

    It’s so obvious
    Mary Poppins is a witch!
    Will no one listen?!?

    The birds are eating
    that poor old tuppins lady
    she’s a bag alright.

  28. Patrick
    Posted December 6, 2008 at 8:21 am | Permalink

    The Problem Fixer

    My septic tank clogged.
    Walnut-head man works to fix.
    Baron von Rectum

  29. Patrick
    Posted December 6, 2008 at 8:43 am | Permalink

    A Salute to Mark

    Shadow Art Fair King
    sure loves him some ballshaving.
    Solidly a douche

  30. UBU
    Posted December 6, 2008 at 1:40 pm | Permalink

    Haiku

    In the bus station
    The beautiful young woman
    With only one eye

  31. Brackache
    Posted December 6, 2008 at 5:03 pm | Permalink

    Shadow Art Fair today:

    Christmas cards are nice
    wish I had enough spare cash
    for Tin Angry Men

    Not a beer drinker
    the Corner has jars of wine
    Rum would be warmer

    I’d rather hang out
    with all my friends and neighbors
    than cut down a tree

  32. Posted December 6, 2008 at 7:39 pm | Permalink

    Ypsi heals today
    Snow blankets ground with relief
    We feel alright now

  33. Posted December 7, 2008 at 12:25 pm | Permalink

    SAF hunger
    biannual breakfast fest
    eat late at beezy’s

    but seriously
    I’m starved
    and I’ll be whipping up some eggs for a little 2 am breakfast
    park in the huron lot
    knock 3 times
    and enter the secret breakfast club

    I’ll be savvy enough to advert next shadow…

    free breakfast for anyone who saved some Shadow stout.

    xo
    bee

  34. Milton
    Posted December 7, 2008 at 1:05 pm | Permalink

    pinworm in blacklight,
    a turtleneck demo, it’s
    Baron von Rectum

  35. Milton
    Posted December 7, 2008 at 1:11 pm | Permalink

    how can we teach them?
    a flashlight aimed inward
    Baron von Rectum

  36. Milton
    Posted December 7, 2008 at 1:18 pm | Permalink

    oops.
    should be…

    how can we teach them?
    a flashlight pointed inward
    Baron von Rectum

  37. Milton
    Posted December 7, 2008 at 1:29 pm | Permalink

    This is fun. Thanks Tim.
    Shoe-loaded tiger-rider
    across Paraguay

  38. Tim
    Posted December 9, 2008 at 7:07 am | Permalink

    The world’s in trouble
    Only one man can save it
    Baron von Rectum

    Great puff of red smoke
    Announces his arrival
    That’s right: BvR

    Manhandles you good.
    Juan de la cruz? No way. It’s
    Baron von Rectum

    He will make it rain
    He will surely cause you big pain
    Baron von Rectum

    Hits like a monsoon
    Listen to the bass go boom!
    Baron von Rectum

    Farmers, What? Farmers
    I think I’m gonna bomb this town.
    Get down. von Rectum.

  39. Robert
    Posted December 9, 2008 at 9:46 am | Permalink

    Y town, D R
    Normally rant in haiku
    Where are they now?

  40. Patrick
    Posted December 9, 2008 at 10:25 pm | Permalink

    On Hemmorhoids:

    Hemmorhoidal flare-ups.
    Fujiyamas of the ass.
    Baron von Rectum.

    Migrant worker said,
    “I have a ball on my ass.”
    Friend, we must lance it.

  41. mepatrickyounot
    Posted December 10, 2008 at 7:20 am | Permalink

    Tevicuary
    There is a river
    In the land of Guarani
    Called Ass Water Juice.

    Little Neighbor
    Tim’s little neighbor
    Has such a lovely hair hat.
    She is my son’s friend.

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