I don’t want this to be construed as support for the Klan, but the title Exalted Cyclops is fuckin’ awesome. I just want to go on the record as saying that. I mean I totally hate them and everything they stand for, but, man, can they come up with some cool names for themselves…
There’s a lot of other stuff that I want to write about tonight other than cool Klan titles, but I have a sore throat and I’m going to bed.
Let’s just call this an open thread… If you have anything you want to talk about, like the disintegration of the Ann Arbor News, or the mentally ill woman who, after being made fun of on American Idol, took her own life outside Paula Abdul’s house, here’s the chance you’ve been waiting for.
And if you can think of a title better than Exalted Cyclops, let me know. I’m thinking about putting together a secret society, but it’s contingent on coming up with cool names and outfits.
75 Comments
I’m somewhat new to Michigan (2 years), and I’ve been reading a lot on your blog about how the city of Ypsi (where I live) offers so much more in the way of services than Ypsi Township does. Could you start a thread where you ask people to list the services that the City and Township offer?
I’ll start with one that I’ve heard of in the city, but haven’t verified: if the sewer line from your house to the sewer main breaks/gets permanently clogged, the city will come fix it (backhoes, etc.), a job that would ordinarily cost the homeowner thousands of $.
Majestic Lizardman
Slumdog Millionaire sounds like a great film. Anyone know if it’s coming to the Michigan Theater?
Royal Swamp Thing.
Resplendent Grendel
Somewhat Gifted Asshole
Least Common Denominatrix
I got your exalted cyclops right here, pal!
I think your group should have “Flounder” in its title. I’ve always wanted a reason to wear a fez–would you consider it in your costume design.
Erect Cockatrice.
Secretary of State Harpy!
The Vexxed Order of the Relished Flounder
Ignorant Fraidycat
Does anyone know what happened with the guy that used to do the flowers downtown? I think his name was Ezell.
Spoon-fed Pantie Waste.
Litigious Sasquatch
Infectious House Frau
Inconsolable Skunk Ape
Omnipotent Asshat
Man, I can’t add to this list, I’m laughing too hard!
I feel bad for Mr. Serious Comment up there at the top.
Bodacious Zitlord
Keeper of the Unkeepable
Lord of the Dill Pickles
Errant Gimblesplice
Dispeptic McGillicudy
Inner Gaddadavida
Utter Biddleschmidt
Outer Sighermind
201/1100 Pi Radians Bricklayer
bifurcated penis
steel toast
priapism
Bumfucked Odysseus
Chickenfried Gilgamesh
Insatiable Cakemouth
Phlegmatic Sphincter.
Ypsi City clears snow faster, and they deliver mail to your mail slot (in Ypsi Twp, mailboxes are at the street). I am in the market to buy a house, after renting in Ypsi City for 6 years, and I refuse to buy in Ypsi City, because the millage rate is completely mental. People don’t like talking about this topic here.
Great names here for Indie Rock Bands!
These should all get a copy right and be offered up for sale.
Prodigious pantaloons
Phrenetic languor
Sublime pombero
Magnificent kurupi
“. . . I refuse to buy in Ypsi City, because the millage rate is completely mental. People don’t like talking about this topic here.”
Property is cheaper than some area cities.
That’s true about snow removal. Way faster than in Ann Arbor too. Prompt snow removal is Ypsi City’s love language.
The electricity bill from all the sump pumps required in the township is higher than your mortgage.
Let’s break down the cyclops myth, shall we?
Sailors away at sea for years, they get trapped on an island where the “cyclops” gets tired of “eating” sheep and instead starts going after sailors, until the “cyclops” develops an unbearable burning sensation.
What is Homer trying to tell us here about the dangers of sailing with crafty, lonely Greek men?
And what, therefore, might klansmen be trying to tell us about what goes on in the inner circles at those secret meetings?
Adult Swim is holding auditions for “Carl” for a live-action Aqua Teen Hunger Force special.
Just thought some of you might be interested. I’m probably too skinny for the role but I was thinking about auditioning since Carl and I both share a love of classic rock and cream cheese stuffed jalapenos.
DG: “Property is cheaper than some area cities.”
Indeed, but that doesn’t answer his/her question about what more/better services you get for the appalling amount of property taxes you’ll be paying long after your mortgage has been paid off.
Versus township: snow removal, leaf removal, yard waste removal, recycling, garbage pick up, parks upkeep, road repair, the lovely Water Street property that will reap us mucho rewards in the future, parks upkeep. . . anything else?
Ypsi’s property taxes are ridiculous no matter how you slice it. People who live there don’t get what they pay for.
But it’s cheaper than if we lived in Ann Arbor.
I hate property taxes too, but I guess that’s the cost of being able to live next to Ypsi people.
High Ypsi property taxes? I’ve spent more for less in my life!
No one wanted to talk about the meltdown of the Ann Arbor News?
No one cares about print media anymore.
Hi. I am new to Ypsilanti too. In fact, I don’t live there at all.
Hey, but I have been to a few KKK rallies, and I can tell you that since most members are paunchy, comb-over headed, white male retirees with part time jobs clerking at the local hardware store, they have a whole lot of free time on their hands to make up new names for their little club. You know, there is only so much time one can spend harassing ethnic minorities and burning crosses and so forth. The rest of the time is devoted to marketing of the clique’s brand. So, since I work and have a family and social life and all that, I cannot possibly compete with the KKK’s name initiatives, but here are some suggestions for new names involving mythological creatures anyway;
1) Indomitable burgeoning siren-f***ers’ society
2) Lackadaisical but still affectatiously offensive rumbleseat butt-bumpers’ club
3) The incredible fractious phagocyte
4) Urine Face and his lovely bride
5) Pugnacious duodenum of the very affable and highly affordable rancid Yeti meat
6) Fatback canteloupe
7) Chuck Norris’ left butt cheek
8) The Crimson Headwaters
9) Cranky Fandango
10) The guy in Bram Stoker’s Dracula who eats the roaches (Yeah, him)
11) The Fjords of Nowhere
12) Jasy Jatere and the mystery of the Naval Jelly
13) Red on the Head, Fire in the Hole (Trust me. It is a mythical creature.)
14) The phantasmagorical one that got away (It was a Spanish Mackeral, but very big and scary, believe me.)
15) The Rotund and foul-mouthed Winnebago-like creature from the great white northern territories
16) Spenser’s Faerie Queenes
17) The Source of the Nile is actually in Queen Elizabeth II’s pant-breeches
18) The malevolent, mendicant, and Right Reverend Venn’s Diagram
19) Pissy Wallow, Arkansas (Yes. It is a real place. Just trust me on this one.)
20) I don’t think Pombero would be a good name for the Klan because Pombero can wrap his thingie around his waist several times and if a person can do that, he does not really need a little high school clique to find amusement.
The Pombero lives in the woods, you see, and comes to your window at night to steal your tobacco and cane liquor. So, he is more of a lone wolf like Chuck Norris’ “McQuade”.
And plus what’s more the Pombero has one of them there cool-cat Dodge Ramchargers what can dig itself out of a hole in the ground with its voracious, powerful, mighty, V8 engine block.
21) The Mystery of the Tonsure-Headed Monk
22) Atahualpa and the Forty Thousand Eunuch Stevedores
23) The great enlarged and ever-prospering prostate (rarely resulting in reduced semen and incontinence)
24) Pierre Loti and the fantastical litmus test
25) Dexterous Monty and the Case of the Sempervivens
26) The especially renowned and endearing Strait of Hormuz
27) The Incontrovertible Horatio Alger Story
28) The Inveterate Lunulate Dog Star of the twelve precious stones in the breastplate of the Jewish high priest -Exodus 28:17
29) The Heavily Besmirched and Besotted Caldecott Award Winner
30) St. George’s Dragon’s Scaly, Repulsive Right Testacle; Being an account of how our hero encountered and ensnared the hideous, aforementioned epidydimal foetidness in all its insidious, “decomposed fats-oils” repugnance.
As for Ypsilanti’s very timely removal of snow and recyclables; I think both snow and recyclables would naturally disappear of themselves if allowed to repose in the lawn for enough time. A much greater and more profitable selling point for Ypsilanti would be the promise of no snow at all. Their campaign slogan could be “To Hell With Snow. We Don’t Need It. We Are Ypsilanti.” Let’s see the township beat that one.
The Recalcitrant Robots (from Mary Shelley).
Also, the word township always puts me in mind of witch hunts and hangings by the neck and burnings at the stake and things that do not make me want to live in a place. Ypsilanti could be an extremely prosperous place if it could advertise some of the great features of the area such as Tim’s little neighbor’s lovely hair.
My freezer is packed full of vension.
The Illuminated Turd
The Marching Morons (from C. M. Kornbluth). Oh man, there is a gold mine of titles in science fiction.
The Scions of Mordor (mixing sci. fi. titles).
The Lathe of Heaven (Leguin).
The Mote in God’s Eye (Niven and Pournelle). I’ll stop. Just browse the science fiction section of your library.
Sorry for all those who will lose their jobs.
But on the Ann Arbor News, it’s very strange. I imagine this is going on in a lot of places. Local reporting will have gaps in it throughout the country. What will slip through? Was a cat chasing its tail–news is posted online, making newspapers obsolete, but newspaper reporters were the originators of much of those news stories? I wonder how UPI and AP will be affected, as the loss of local reporters will limit their resources. Is this the big picture–or am I wrong?
I’ve read The Ann Arbor News since I could read. If it doesn’t continue decent local coverage, I’ll stop subscribing–but that will just hurt the newspaper industry more. I’ll miss it for sure. Bummer.
“Creative Class”
Mr. Schutzman,
I want to take this opportunity to say how much I miss your public viewing section which (for me at least) appears to be no longer public. I loved the historical, grave-y, oddball, photos….
Would you reconsider?
Inflamed Pterodactyl
Frigid Ropen
Immaculate Imbecile vs Frumpy Transsexual
Have we got a winner yet?
So Tom Arnold in O Brother where art Thou was both Homer’s Cyclops and The Grand Exalted Cyclops – one eye, 2 persona.
I nominate:
“The Grand One-Eyed Trouser Mouse”
Daintiest of Minotaurs
Bikini-clad Prometheus. I think the cool outfits are self-explanatory.
not tom arnold. the cyclops is john goodman.
I also miss free access to the maproomsystems memorandum log, re: Stella’s comment above. Don’t be hatin’ on us lurkers!
What happened to the local news take on this blog?
It was fun to read about history of some of the peoples and places. Oh and the undercurrents.
For me, and undercurrent, I heard about a shooting thing on the mayoral mansion property, and what looked like a pimpmobile in a bicycle-car accident earlier this week.
Ginormous Thingamajigger
Tyranasourus Jimbo
Omnipotent Imp
Solid Douche… Solid!
(last “solid” must be said with soul, holding up black power fist)
Damn it! “It’s Skinner Again” already used the word “Omnipotent” so I lose points for that.
So I’ll jump to the other subject, Paula Abdul. What is the story with her anyway? She gets drunk openly on national TV every week and hooks up with contestants on the show. Now she has that stalker commit suicide near her house. What the hell is going on with all that?
Erol Flintlock
Samurai Samoan
Cockletop
Solid Douche 2020
Ypsilicious
Bite Ranger
Marshall Mendicant
Venerable Ice
Ballshaving Babysitters
King Chub
Chancellor Charla
Baron von Rectum