open thread

I don’t want this to be construed as support for the Klan, but the title Exalted Cyclops is fuckin’ awesome. I just want to go on the record as saying that. I mean I totally hate them and everything they stand for, but, man, can they come up with some cool names for themselves…

There’s a lot of other stuff that I want to write about tonight other than cool Klan titles, but I have a sore throat and I’m going to bed.

Let’s just call this an open thread… If you have anything you want to talk about, like the disintegration of the Ann Arbor News, or the mentally ill woman who, after being made fun of on American Idol, took her own life outside Paula Abdul’s house, here’s the chance you’ve been waiting for.

And if you can think of a title better than Exalted Cyclops, let me know. I’m thinking about putting together a secret society, but it’s contingent on coming up with cool names and outfits.

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75 Comments

  1. Anonymous
    Posted November 14, 2008 at 9:54 am | Permalink

    I’m somewhat new to Michigan (2 years), and I’ve been reading a lot on your blog about how the city of Ypsi (where I live) offers so much more in the way of services than Ypsi Township does. Could you start a thread where you ask people to list the services that the City and Township offer?

    I’ll start with one that I’ve heard of in the city, but haven’t verified: if the sewer line from your house to the sewer main breaks/gets permanently clogged, the city will come fix it (backhoes, etc.), a job that would ordinarily cost the homeowner thousands of $.

  2. Tonya
    Posted November 14, 2008 at 9:55 am | Permalink

    Majestic Lizardman

  3. Ted
    Posted November 14, 2008 at 11:39 am | Permalink

    Slumdog Millionaire sounds like a great film. Anyone know if it’s coming to the Michigan Theater?

  4. Brackache
    Posted November 14, 2008 at 12:42 pm | Permalink

    Royal Swamp Thing.

  5. Clayhead
    Posted November 14, 2008 at 12:54 pm | Permalink

    Resplendent Grendel

  6. Hotep
    Posted November 14, 2008 at 12:59 pm | Permalink

    Somewhat Gifted Asshole

  7. Schlomoid
    Posted November 14, 2008 at 1:01 pm | Permalink

    Least Common Denominatrix

  8. Innuendork
    Posted November 14, 2008 at 1:06 pm | Permalink

    I got your exalted cyclops right here, pal!

  9. Dirtgrain
    Posted November 14, 2008 at 1:06 pm | Permalink

    I think your group should have “Flounder” in its title. I’ve always wanted a reason to wear a fez–would you consider it in your costume design.

  10. Derfball
    Posted November 14, 2008 at 1:07 pm | Permalink

    Erect Cockatrice.

  11. Billary
    Posted November 14, 2008 at 1:51 pm | Permalink

    Secretary of State Harpy!

  12. Dirtgrain
    Posted November 14, 2008 at 2:20 pm | Permalink

    The Vexxed Order of the Relished Flounder

  13. Erin
    Posted November 14, 2008 at 2:32 pm | Permalink

    Ignorant Fraidycat

  14. Karen
    Posted November 14, 2008 at 2:44 pm | Permalink

    Does anyone know what happened with the guy that used to do the flowers downtown? I think his name was Ezell.

  15. Paw
    Posted November 14, 2008 at 2:45 pm | Permalink

    Spoon-fed Pantie Waste.

  16. Paw
    Posted November 14, 2008 at 2:46 pm | Permalink

    Litigious Sasquatch

  17. Paw
    Posted November 14, 2008 at 2:48 pm | Permalink

    Infectious House Frau

  18. Paw
    Posted November 14, 2008 at 2:53 pm | Permalink

    Inconsolable Skunk Ape

  19. Posted November 14, 2008 at 3:21 pm | Permalink

    Omnipotent Asshat

  20. Suzie
    Posted November 14, 2008 at 5:30 pm | Permalink

    Man, I can’t add to this list, I’m laughing too hard!

  21. Doug
    Posted November 14, 2008 at 5:31 pm | Permalink

    I feel bad for Mr. Serious Comment up there at the top.

  22. Posted November 14, 2008 at 6:03 pm | Permalink

    Bodacious Zitlord

  23. Posted November 14, 2008 at 6:07 pm | Permalink

    Keeper of the Unkeepable
    Lord of the Dill Pickles
    Errant Gimblesplice
    Dispeptic McGillicudy
    Inner Gaddadavida
    Utter Biddleschmidt
    Outer Sighermind
    201/1100 Pi Radians Bricklayer

  24. Derek Foreal
    Posted November 14, 2008 at 6:09 pm | Permalink

    bifurcated penis

  25. Derek Foreal
    Posted November 14, 2008 at 6:16 pm | Permalink

    steel toast

  26. Derek Foreal
    Posted November 14, 2008 at 6:17 pm | Permalink

    priapism

  27. Deadhand Dan
    Posted November 14, 2008 at 8:24 pm | Permalink

    Bumfucked Odysseus

  28. Deadhand Dan
    Posted November 14, 2008 at 8:25 pm | Permalink

    Chickenfried Gilgamesh

  29. Posted November 14, 2008 at 10:40 pm | Permalink

    Insatiable Cakemouth

  30. Dirtgrain
    Posted November 15, 2008 at 12:19 am | Permalink

    Phlegmatic Sphincter.

  31. Andy
    Posted November 15, 2008 at 3:41 am | Permalink

    Ypsi City clears snow faster, and they deliver mail to your mail slot (in Ypsi Twp, mailboxes are at the street). I am in the market to buy a house, after renting in Ypsi City for 6 years, and I refuse to buy in Ypsi City, because the millage rate is completely mental. People don’t like talking about this topic here.

  32. Old Goat
    Posted November 15, 2008 at 8:01 am | Permalink

    Great names here for Indie Rock Bands!
    These should all get a copy right and be offered up for sale.

  33. Tim
    Posted November 15, 2008 at 8:03 am | Permalink

    Prodigious pantaloons

  34. Tim
    Posted November 15, 2008 at 8:07 am | Permalink

    Phrenetic languor

  35. Tim
    Posted November 15, 2008 at 8:13 am | Permalink

    Sublime pombero

  36. Tim
    Posted November 15, 2008 at 8:14 am | Permalink

    Magnificent kurupi

  37. Dirtgrain
    Posted November 15, 2008 at 8:34 am | Permalink

    “. . . I refuse to buy in Ypsi City, because the millage rate is completely mental. People don’t like talking about this topic here.”

    Property is cheaper than some area cities.

  38. Brackache
    Posted November 15, 2008 at 10:12 am | Permalink

    That’s true about snow removal. Way faster than in Ann Arbor too. Prompt snow removal is Ypsi City’s love language.

  39. Derek Foreal
    Posted November 15, 2008 at 10:15 am | Permalink

    The electricity bill from all the sump pumps required in the township is higher than your mortgage.

  40. Brackache
    Posted November 15, 2008 at 10:24 am | Permalink

    Let’s break down the cyclops myth, shall we?

    Sailors away at sea for years, they get trapped on an island where the “cyclops” gets tired of “eating” sheep and instead starts going after sailors, until the “cyclops” develops an unbearable burning sensation.

    What is Homer trying to tell us here about the dangers of sailing with crafty, lonely Greek men?

    And what, therefore, might klansmen be trying to tell us about what goes on in the inner circles at those secret meetings?

  41. Terry
    Posted November 15, 2008 at 5:52 pm | Permalink

    Adult Swim is holding auditions for “Carl” for a live-action Aqua Teen Hunger Force special.

    Just thought some of you might be interested. I’m probably too skinny for the role but I was thinking about auditioning since Carl and I both share a love of classic rock and cream cheese stuffed jalapenos.

  42. Andy
    Posted November 15, 2008 at 10:21 pm | Permalink

    DG: “Property is cheaper than some area cities.”
    Indeed, but that doesn’t answer his/her question about what more/better services you get for the appalling amount of property taxes you’ll be paying long after your mortgage has been paid off.

  43. Dirtgrain
    Posted November 16, 2008 at 9:11 am | Permalink

    Versus township: snow removal, leaf removal, yard waste removal, recycling, garbage pick up, parks upkeep, road repair, the lovely Water Street property that will reap us mucho rewards in the future, parks upkeep. . . anything else?

  44. Posted November 16, 2008 at 10:43 am | Permalink

    Ypsi’s property taxes are ridiculous no matter how you slice it. People who live there don’t get what they pay for.

  45. Dirtgrain
    Posted November 16, 2008 at 12:21 pm | Permalink

    But it’s cheaper than if we lived in Ann Arbor.

  46. Brackache
    Posted November 16, 2008 at 12:52 pm | Permalink

    I hate property taxes too, but I guess that’s the cost of being able to live next to Ypsi people.

  47. Old Goat
    Posted November 16, 2008 at 3:56 pm | Permalink

    High Ypsi property taxes? I’ve spent more for less in my life!

  48. mark
    Posted November 16, 2008 at 4:30 pm | Permalink

    No one wanted to talk about the meltdown of the Ann Arbor News?

  49. Posted November 16, 2008 at 4:56 pm | Permalink

    No one cares about print media anymore.

  50. Patrick
    Posted November 16, 2008 at 4:58 pm | Permalink

    Hi. I am new to Ypsilanti too. In fact, I don’t live there at all.
    Hey, but I have been to a few KKK rallies, and I can tell you that since most members are paunchy, comb-over headed, white male retirees with part time jobs clerking at the local hardware store, they have a whole lot of free time on their hands to make up new names for their little club. You know, there is only so much time one can spend harassing ethnic minorities and burning crosses and so forth. The rest of the time is devoted to marketing of the clique’s brand. So, since I work and have a family and social life and all that, I cannot possibly compete with the KKK’s name initiatives, but here are some suggestions for new names involving mythological creatures anyway;
    1) Indomitable burgeoning siren-f***ers’ society
    2) Lackadaisical but still affectatiously offensive rumbleseat butt-bumpers’ club
    3) The incredible fractious phagocyte
    4) Urine Face and his lovely bride
    5) Pugnacious duodenum of the very affable and highly affordable rancid Yeti meat
    6) Fatback canteloupe
    7) Chuck Norris’ left butt cheek
    8) The Crimson Headwaters
    9) Cranky Fandango
    10) The guy in Bram Stoker’s Dracula who eats the roaches (Yeah, him)
    11) The Fjords of Nowhere
    12) Jasy Jatere and the mystery of the Naval Jelly
    13) Red on the Head, Fire in the Hole (Trust me. It is a mythical creature.)
    14) The phantasmagorical one that got away (It was a Spanish Mackeral, but very big and scary, believe me.)
    15) The Rotund and foul-mouthed Winnebago-like creature from the great white northern territories
    16) Spenser’s Faerie Queenes
    17) The Source of the Nile is actually in Queen Elizabeth II’s pant-breeches
    18) The malevolent, mendicant, and Right Reverend Venn’s Diagram
    19) Pissy Wallow, Arkansas (Yes. It is a real place. Just trust me on this one.)
    20) I don’t think Pombero would be a good name for the Klan because Pombero can wrap his thingie around his waist several times and if a person can do that, he does not really need a little high school clique to find amusement.
    The Pombero lives in the woods, you see, and comes to your window at night to steal your tobacco and cane liquor. So, he is more of a lone wolf like Chuck Norris’ “McQuade”.
    And plus what’s more the Pombero has one of them there cool-cat Dodge Ramchargers what can dig itself out of a hole in the ground with its voracious, powerful, mighty, V8 engine block.
    21) The Mystery of the Tonsure-Headed Monk
    22) Atahualpa and the Forty Thousand Eunuch Stevedores
    23) The great enlarged and ever-prospering prostate (rarely resulting in reduced semen and incontinence)
    24) Pierre Loti and the fantastical litmus test
    25) Dexterous Monty and the Case of the Sempervivens
    26) The especially renowned and endearing Strait of Hormuz
    27) The Incontrovertible Horatio Alger Story
    28) The Inveterate Lunulate Dog Star of the twelve precious stones in the breastplate of the Jewish high priest -Exodus 28:17
    29) The Heavily Besmirched and Besotted Caldecott Award Winner
    30) St. George’s Dragon’s Scaly, Repulsive Right Testacle; Being an account of how our hero encountered and ensnared the hideous, aforementioned epidydimal foetidness in all its insidious, “decomposed fats-oils” repugnance.

  51. Patrick
    Posted November 16, 2008 at 5:54 pm | Permalink

    As for Ypsilanti’s very timely removal of snow and recyclables; I think both snow and recyclables would naturally disappear of themselves if allowed to repose in the lawn for enough time. A much greater and more profitable selling point for Ypsilanti would be the promise of no snow at all. Their campaign slogan could be “To Hell With Snow. We Don’t Need It. We Are Ypsilanti.” Let’s see the township beat that one.

  52. Dirtgrain
    Posted November 16, 2008 at 6:50 pm | Permalink

    The Recalcitrant Robots (from Mary Shelley).

  53. Patrick
    Posted November 16, 2008 at 7:01 pm | Permalink

    Also, the word township always puts me in mind of witch hunts and hangings by the neck and burnings at the stake and things that do not make me want to live in a place. Ypsilanti could be an extremely prosperous place if it could advertise some of the great features of the area such as Tim’s little neighbor’s lovely hair.

  54. Posted November 16, 2008 at 8:59 pm | Permalink

    My freezer is packed full of vension.

  55. mark
    Posted November 16, 2008 at 9:11 pm | Permalink

    The Illuminated Turd

  56. Dirtgrain
    Posted November 16, 2008 at 9:36 pm | Permalink

    The Marching Morons (from C. M. Kornbluth). Oh man, there is a gold mine of titles in science fiction.

    The Scions of Mordor (mixing sci. fi. titles).

  57. Dirtgrain
    Posted November 16, 2008 at 9:37 pm | Permalink

    The Lathe of Heaven (Leguin).

  58. Dirtgrain
    Posted November 16, 2008 at 9:38 pm | Permalink

    The Mote in God’s Eye (Niven and Pournelle). I’ll stop. Just browse the science fiction section of your library.

  59. Dirtgrain
    Posted November 16, 2008 at 9:52 pm | Permalink

    Sorry for all those who will lose their jobs.

    But on the Ann Arbor News, it’s very strange. I imagine this is going on in a lot of places. Local reporting will have gaps in it throughout the country. What will slip through? Was a cat chasing its tail–news is posted online, making newspapers obsolete, but newspaper reporters were the originators of much of those news stories? I wonder how UPI and AP will be affected, as the loss of local reporters will limit their resources. Is this the big picture–or am I wrong?

    I’ve read The Ann Arbor News since I could read. If it doesn’t continue decent local coverage, I’ll stop subscribing–but that will just hurt the newspaper industry more. I’ll miss it for sure. Bummer.

  60. schutzman
    Posted November 17, 2008 at 9:08 am | Permalink

    “Creative Class”

  61. stella
    Posted November 17, 2008 at 9:16 am | Permalink

    Mr. Schutzman,
    I want to take this opportunity to say how much I miss your public viewing section which (for me at least) appears to be no longer public. I loved the historical, grave-y, oddball, photos….
    Would you reconsider?

  62. Meta
    Posted November 17, 2008 at 9:28 am | Permalink

    Inflamed Pterodactyl

  63. Paw
    Posted November 17, 2008 at 11:25 am | Permalink

    Frigid Ropen

  64. Paw
    Posted November 17, 2008 at 11:26 am | Permalink

    Immaculate Imbecile vs Frumpy Transsexual

  65. Brackache
    Posted November 17, 2008 at 12:07 pm | Permalink

    Have we got a winner yet?

  66. Pierce
    Posted November 17, 2008 at 7:39 pm | Permalink

    So Tom Arnold in O Brother where art Thou was both Homer’s Cyclops and The Grand Exalted Cyclops – one eye, 2 persona.
    I nominate:
    “The Grand One-Eyed Trouser Mouse”

  67. Jerry
    Posted November 17, 2008 at 7:44 pm | Permalink

    Daintiest of Minotaurs

  68. Gretchen
    Posted November 17, 2008 at 8:05 pm | Permalink

    Bikini-clad Prometheus. I think the cool outfits are self-explanatory.

  69. Posted November 17, 2008 at 8:17 pm | Permalink

    not tom arnold. the cyclops is john goodman.

  70. clapper
    Posted November 17, 2008 at 10:33 pm | Permalink

    I also miss free access to the maproomsystems memorandum log, re: Stella’s comment above. Don’t be hatin’ on us lurkers!

  71. FedUpwithMI
    Posted November 19, 2008 at 10:05 pm | Permalink

    What happened to the local news take on this blog?

    It was fun to read about history of some of the peoples and places. Oh and the undercurrents.

    For me, and undercurrent, I heard about a shooting thing on the mayoral mansion property, and what looked like a pimpmobile in a bicycle-car accident earlier this week.

  72. Robert
    Posted November 20, 2008 at 12:13 pm | Permalink

    Ginormous Thingamajigger

    Tyranasourus Jimbo

    Omnipotent Imp

  73. Brackache
    Posted November 21, 2008 at 6:41 pm | Permalink

    Solid Douche… Solid!

    (last “solid” must be said with soul, holding up black power fist)

  74. Robert
    Posted November 22, 2008 at 3:31 pm | Permalink

    Damn it! “It’s Skinner Again” already used the word “Omnipotent” so I lose points for that.

    So I’ll jump to the other subject, Paula Abdul. What is the story with her anyway? She gets drunk openly on national TV every week and hooks up with contestants on the show. Now she has that stalker commit suicide near her house. What the hell is going on with all that?

  75. Milton
    Posted December 5, 2008 at 6:30 pm | Permalink

    Erol Flintlock
    Samurai Samoan
    Cockletop
    Solid Douche 2020
    Ypsilicious
    Bite Ranger
    Marshall Mendicant
    Venerable Ice
    Ballshaving Babysitters
    King Chub
    Chancellor Charla
    Baron von Rectum

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