if you’ve come here though google, chances are you just want to masturbate

Every once in a while, when I’m bored, or when I’m trying to avoid doing something, like bathing, I head over to Google Analytics and check out our readership numbers. Well, I just did, and it looks as though our stats are way up. Even on bad days, like tonight, when I don’t write anything even remotely worth reading, we’re apparently getting over 1,000 people coming here… Of course, a good percentage of them, according to Google, are just here searching for images of a Sarah Palin look-alike getting drilled like the north slope of Alaska. (SFW)

Speaking of Larry Flynt’s film “Nailin’ Paylin” (which my friend Terry, with whom I wholeheartedly agree, thinks should be called “Veep Throat”), I haven’t heard anything back from my reader at Hustler. Last I heard, he was trying to get me an interview with the actress playing the part of the candidate. As I didn’t have any great questions for her, it’s probably best that it didn’t happen, but I think it would have been fun to talk with her. My plan was not talk about porn, or the plot of the film at all, but about her personal politics and thoughts on the election…. Some of you are too young to remember this, but several years ago, there was an adult film actress who used to leave comments on this site. Her name was Kami Andrews, and, before getting into the world of adult entertainment, she worked at Wal-Mart, which she said was more degrading… At any rate, I thought that it would be interesting to ask this actress playing Palin what she thought about the condition of the country and the fact that she was, in some very small way, going to be forever linked to this campaign in history.

And that’s right… according to this chart, almost 10,000 people came to this site by way of Google in October looking for information about “Nailin’ Palin,” far eclipsing those here looking for evidence of Barack Obama being “evil.” I suppose that’s a good thing.

It’s times like this that I think about retiring from blogging altogether. I should know better than to look at the web stats. I’d be happier laboring under the illusion that everyone out there in the audience is good, decent, and just online looking for information on how to make the world a better place. In reality, though, you’re all just chronic masturbators and paranoid religious freaks. (Which are you, I wonder.)

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  1. Furball
    Posted October 27, 2008 at 11:18 pm | Permalink

    You caught me.

  2. Yougut
    Posted October 27, 2008 at 11:26 pm | Permalink

    I knight thee: “Mark ‘Nalin Palin’ Maynard.”

    (Perhaps, after the election, the two of you will be desperate enough for attention to make aforementioned video…hmmmm?)

  3. Terry
    Posted October 28, 2008 at 12:43 am | Permalink

    If the DVD isn’t enough for you they’re also coming out with a Sarah Palin inflatable love doll. It looks like a bargain at only 33 bucks, however, the Neiman Marcus fashion accessories will set you back some serious dough.

    P.S. I wonder if Kami went back to work at Wal-Mart? I can just picture her stocking toilet paper wearing fishnets and stiletto boots.

  4. Paw
    Posted October 28, 2008 at 12:22 pm | Permalink

    Am I the only one who would prefer to masturbate to images of an evil Barack Obama?

  5. Posted October 28, 2008 at 11:35 pm | Permalink

    Hello Paw and other readers!

    No, you are so not alone!

    Join our myspace group at myspace.com/politicalwhacks! Make friends, photoshop and photosharing, secret stories and encounters, and social networks in your neighborhood!

    Look for our interactive, members only, Web site which is cumming to you live on Novemeber 4 … erection day!

    It’s a political … party!!!

    P.S. Sign up on Nov. 4 and be one of the firsts to visit our whacks museum!

  6. Robert
    Posted October 29, 2008 at 1:42 am | Permalink

    “you’re all just chronic masturbators and paranoid religious freaks. (Which are you, I wonder.)”

    Anyone who is one, is likely the other.

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