eat me

So, a reader named Doug just returned from Haab’s, where he verified firsthand that I wasn’t bullshitting when I said that, with my magic coupon, you could get yourself a delicious, succulent fried chicken dinner at Haab’s for only $6. He said that it was all quite delightful, until he glanced down at receipt (pictured here) and noticed that he and his guest had consumed not two moist and juicy chicken dinners, as they had thought, but two mouth-watering “Mark Maynards”!

This revelation was, no doubt, followed by a moment like this, as it dawned on them that, yes…. “Chicken in the Basket is Mark Maynard!”

Don’t worry, though. There’s plenty of Mark Maynard to go around. There are at least three that I know of in Michigan alone. And we’re all quite plump.

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  1. Bob
    Posted September 3, 2008 at 11:22 pm | Permalink

    Cannabalism!!! In Ypsi!!! Soon nothing will be left of Mark.

  2. mark
    Posted September 3, 2008 at 11:49 pm | Permalink

    “Man chokes to death on Mark Maynard.”

    A great headline.

  3. H. Lecter
    Posted September 4, 2008 at 9:58 am | Permalink

    I would prefer his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

  4. Robert
    Posted September 4, 2008 at 10:13 am | Permalink

    Nice try, Mark, but it’s not gonna work. Haab’s must have told you yesterday that they are getting way too many creepy people coming in with coupons from your site. The readership must be scaring off the decent customers down there. Now you post this in an attempt to disgust US out of using the coupons. Disgust US? HA! Sorry, buddy, you post pictures of cat rectums and wormy compost heaps on this site. We’re immune now. We’re your monster, Mark. Now you’re gonna have to face the consequences of having created us. Like good chicken dinner loving zombies, we’ll be keeping Haab’s under siege until the plague has ended (when the coupon expires).

  5. DMcB
    Posted September 4, 2008 at 4:41 pm | Permalink

    At least he had an Oberon with it. Nice choice.


  6. Posted September 5, 2008 at 1:45 pm | Permalink

    I didn’t mean to suggest you were a creepy customer, Doug. I was thinking more of Ol’E Cross and Brackache…and I guess Mark himself. When I see THAT motley crew stumbling through the front door of any place around town where I happen to be, I run out the back.

  7. Ol' E Cross
    Posted September 5, 2008 at 7:18 pm | Permalink

    We had our baskets of fried Mark Maynard this evening. A few thoughts:

    -Mark Maynard tastes like chicken. In fact, even more like chicken than chicken, if that’s possible. They must sprinkle on some extra chicken.

    -My daughter said, “Are we at Biggie’s?” “No, this is Haab’s, remember the decorations?” reply I. “Yes,” says she, “but it tastes like Biggie’s.”

    -We went at happy hour. They have a great happy hour. And, I’ve learned that part of being a good parent is ordering drinks that come with plastic swords for the kids to play with. Kids love playing with pointy things. Gives them something to do while their parents drink.

    -The happy hour drinks were so generous that on the walk home my wife said, “They must sprinkle on some extra whiskey.”

    -The worst part of the whole thing was I kept feeling a little guilty for the $2 happy hour drinks and $6 dinners that I had to question my character for doing something I felt guilty about simply because it was so good but how can it be wrong if it feels so right?

    Thank you Haab’s.

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