will freezer burn affect the value of my half-rotten sasquatch corpse?

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22 Comments

  1. Brackache
    Posted August 18, 2008 at 11:52 pm | Permalink

    Not the quality (as sasquatch can spell even in subzero temperatures), but it will affect the quanity. Cold has the effect of making them randy.

    It’s hard to make a spelling correction funny.

  2. mark
    Posted August 19, 2008 at 12:00 am | Permalink

    I have no idea what you’re talking about Brackache… And, concerning the creature recently found out west, I hear the DNA identifies it as some kind of human-opossum hybrid, which, in my book, is like a million times more scary than a plain old Bigfoot.

  3. Brackache
    Posted August 19, 2008 at 12:09 am | Permalink

    The verb is affect, with an “a.” Effect, with an “e,” is a noun. I deliberately misspelled “quantity,” using the Chick Inn English spelling of “quanity,” so you wouldn’t be too humiliated.

    Unless I misremember my highschool English class, in which case, I stand retarded.

    Ah, nevermind, I see the old spelling has gone down the old memory hole.

    Carry on.

  4. mark
    Posted August 19, 2008 at 12:11 am | Permalink

    And, here, in case you haven’t seen it, is their freezer bifgoot.

  5. mark
    Posted August 19, 2008 at 12:16 am | Permalink

    The thing is, I didn’t really find a bigfoot corpse in my yard and drag it into my freezer, as has been reported by local news agencies…. In actuality, it just kind of grew there. It started as a moldy lump of sausage a month ago.

  6. Posted August 19, 2008 at 7:13 am | Permalink

    Mark, that’s a silly question. The value all depends on which half is rotten and which half is good. If the freezer burn is on the good side, you may have something.

    Brack, everyone knows that once the temperature reaches negative degrees KEVIN, that Bigfoots lose their ability to spell, even their own names.

    This is why the freezer burn is so crucial.

  7. Posted August 19, 2008 at 7:22 am | Permalink

    Obviously, for cloning porpoises.

  8. Posted August 19, 2008 at 8:36 am | Permalink

    Thank you Mark, Brackache, and Cousin Geoff for brightening up my morning!

  9. Brackache
    Posted August 19, 2008 at 8:59 am | Permalink

    You southerners are all the same with your exaggerated bigfeet.

    Did you have a bigfoot costume lying around already, mark, or did you buy it special just for this one blog photo… perhaps telling yourself you’d use it again in the future for the shadow art fair or something down the road?

  10. Steve Swan
    Posted August 19, 2008 at 11:06 am | Permalink

    I call copywrite infringement! That’s a screen capture from my film ‘Let’s Fuck Something in the Ice Box’.

  11. Meta
    Posted August 19, 2008 at 3:48 pm | Permalink

    If, before you sell it, you freeze it in a block of ice, it’ll give you enough time to get away with the loot:

    http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/World-News/Bigfoot-Hoax-Fools-Expert-Tracker-In-Georgia-USA/Article/200808315082251?lpos=World%2BNews_0&lid=ARTICLE_15082251_Bigfoot%2BHoax%2BFools%2BExpert%2BTracker%2BIn%2BGeorgia%252C%2BUSA%2B

  12. mark
    Posted August 19, 2008 at 8:08 pm | Permalink

    And, to answer your question, yes, I’ve had this particular mask for quite a while. I enjoy wearing it around the house after work. It helps me to unwind.

  13. mark
    Posted August 19, 2008 at 8:09 pm | Permalink

    And, yeah, what a big surprise it was that the other freezer bigfoot wasn’t real. I’m completely flabbergasted.

  14. Furball
    Posted August 20, 2008 at 12:06 am | Permalink

    I knew it. We all like to unwind. We should unwind together sometime.

  15. Paw
    Posted August 20, 2008 at 10:10 am | Permalink

    The two men behind the bigfoot hoax now claim to be hunting dinosaurs.

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/aug/20/usa3?gusrc=rss&feed=worldnews

  16. Meta
    Posted August 21, 2008 at 4:44 pm | Permalink

    And a lot of loot it was. According to some sources, the men took as much as $50,000 before disappearing:

    http://www.theage.com.au/world/bigfoot-nothing-but-a-rubber-costume-20080820-3yf1.html

  17. Brackache
    Posted August 21, 2008 at 5:26 pm | Permalink

    They’ll never be found.

    They know all the best bigfoot and dinosaur hiding places.

  18. Kat
    Posted August 22, 2008 at 4:46 pm | Permalink

    TMZ ripped you off!

    http://www.tmz.com/2008/08/21/abominable-snowman-found/

  19. Ted
    Posted January 3, 2011 at 9:05 am | Permalink

    Did you read about the thousands of dead birds in Arkansas?

    http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20110103/ap_on_fe_st/us_odd_dead_birds_arkansas

  20. JJ Smith
    Posted January 3, 2011 at 5:07 pm | Permalink

    Shit, that’s weird.

  21. JK
    Posted July 2, 2011 at 2:30 pm | Permalink

    No, but it will absolutely ruin the taste.

  22. CV
    Posted August 19, 2011 at 10:35 am | Permalink

    Just trim the freezer burned segments before cooking. I’d also use gravy from a can.

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