the ypsilanti symphony orchestra

Linette, Clementine and I had a great time on Saturday afternoon, listening to the Ypsilanti Symphony Orchestra perform in Riverside Park. It was a beautiful day, the symphony sounded great, and everyone seemed to be having a lot of fun. I know it’s got to be a lot of work to get something like this to happen, and I think I speak for everyone there on Saturday when I say that the effort was very much appreciated. I don’t know if it’s been discussed, but I’d very much like to see this become a regular event… One suggestion, though. Next time, proofread the signs.

Posted in Ypsilanti | 3 Comments

on powerful monkeys and headless unicorns

I’m sitting at the kitchen table, exhausted from a weekend of working outside in the sun, filling the Monkey Power Trio and Severed Unicorn Superstore orders that I’ve been avoiding. It didn’t translate to tons of sales, but the 4-hour MPT special that ran on KFJC seems to have resulted in at least one order. I’m sending off some t-shirts and records to a guy in Oakland. I wasn’t expecting any orders as a result of the show, though, so this is nice. And, thanks to the marketing genius of my friend Melissa, one of our stuffed unicorns heads just appeared in the new issue of the magazine “Venus”. I don’t know if it’s responsible for any sales yet (the orders I’m filling tonight are kind of old), but it would be nice if it translated to a sale or two.

Speaking of that 4-hour Monkey Power Trio special that aired in San Francisco, you can now hear it online. My friend Dave, the thumb of the band, just posted it in four one-hour chunks. (1, 2, 3, 4)

Why not start a new tradition and gather the family around to hear it? Thanksgiving has delicious turkeys, parades and football – something for everyone. Memorial Day, though, as far as I can tell, just has the military thing. Maybe that’s why it isn’t bigger… Why not spice it up by popularizing the idea of a “Memorial Day pot roast” and 4 hours of MPT?

Anyway, if you do listen to it, skip the first song. It was an unsuccessful attempt at being funny. It was never released. The KJFC producer who put the piece together found it somewhere, though, or coaxed it out of one of the weaker members of the band. Things get better from then, though.

And, as for the severed unicorn heads, Melissa and I decided that we wouldn’t be having a Superstore table at the upcoming Shadow Art Fair. Instead, we’re channeling our creative energy into a party at Ypsilanti’s Dreamland Theater on June 22nd. So far, all we’ve done is written an announcement for their site, but I’m sure that we’ll pull something interesting together. Here’s the write-up:

It’s a Happy Birthday party for a seething pile of pulsating Severed Unicorn Heads… Luxuriate in this steamy, bloodbath of unicorn whimsy. Play pin the head on the unicorn. See documentary footage of unicorns shedding their heads. Gasp open-mouthed at walls chock full of painfully beautiful artistic renderings of unicorn heads. Listen as people open their hearts and tell of their personal history with severed unicorn heads…

And, yeah, it’s birthday party themed… I’m sure there will be lots of severed unicorn heads with party hats and noisemakers.

It’s my job to make the film, something which I have absolutely no idea how to do… The results should be interesting.

Posted in Special Projects | 3 Comments

the hustler box

You know how I told you a few days ago that I’d discovered that several readers of this little site work for infamous, wheeled, man-baby pornographer, Larry Flynt? Well, one of them just sent an enormous 25-pound crate of smut to my P.O. Box. It’s sitting on my desk right now. I’m out at the kitchen table with my laptop, too terrified to be in the same room with it, let alone open it.

I don’t know definitively that it’s smut, but I have good reason to assume it is. Its arrival was preceded by an email telling me that, like it or not, I was about to see some of the most vile acts ever performed by conscious human beings. Seriously, the note warned that it was the worst of the worst, the stuff Flynt couldn’t give away… And there it sits on my desk.

Should I open it? Should I drag it down Cross Street and send it to the bottom of the Huron? Should I leave it at the foot of the water tower as an offering to the god of phalluses that protects our city? Should I send it to Drew Barrymore as a kind of peace offering?

But, what if it’s not porn at all, but a donation of medical supplies intended for a local non-profit? I should at least peak in, right?

Or, better yet, what if I have one of you open it? What if I hide it somewhere here in Ypsi, and post a treasure map on my site? Would that be a nice way to spend your Memorial Day weekend with your family? Just imagine you and your kids, making your way through the abandoned buildings of Ypsilanti, hoping to find 25-pounds of degenerate filth.

I have no idea what to do. I just know that I want it out of my house before, God forbid, something terrible happens to me and it’s found by my family.

And, yes, this is what I’ve chosen to write about tonight, instead of the subpoenaing of Karl Rove and today’s “Future of Ypsilanti” conference that was held, inexplicably, at Ann Arbor’s swanky Barton Hills Country Club.

[I’m thinking now that maybe this is a sign. Maybe the box belongs at the Barton Hills Country Club. Could one of you drop it off for me?]

Posted in Mark's Life | 39 Comments

libertarians on the high seas, a hollywood payday for a local pariah, and the decline of john barrymore

…As far as I can tell, every society demands its members give up certain freedoms for the good of others. The Amish, as I think we discussed, can seem like they live a libertarian life if that’s simply defined as low-tax and low-cop. But, try showing up wearing a red silk shirt and feathered cap for the barn-raising and they’ll seem quite the opposite…

What started out as a nice little post about John McCain has developed in the comments section into quite a substantial conversation on the pros and cons of libertarianism. I’d made an offhand comment about wanting to lure the libertarians into the sea with the promise of lawless aquatic colonies, and it kind of took off from there… And, at this very moment, it’s being suggested by an MM.com reader that those wanting to live the lives of true libertarians pack up their guns Ron Paul shrines, and move to Sudan. I love a good-natured quarrel, and thought that you might appreciate this one.

The quote above comes from MM.com favorite, Ol’ East Cross. As it was better than anything I would have come up with tonight, I decided to move it up here to the front page. For what it’s worth, I’m inclined to side with him against the forces of libertarianism. I’ll admit that our government oversteps its bounds regularly – I’m a card-carrying member of the ACLU – but I don’t think that government by its very definition is evil. Sorry if it makes me sound like a pansy, but I like the EPA, the FDA, FEMA and their ilk (when they’re fully funded and run correctly). I like knowing that someone will pick up if I call 911. I like knowing with at least some degree of certainty that no one will dump nuclear waste in my backyard, or sell me meat contaminated with rat feces. These things, I reckon, are good… Anyway, if you’re interested, check out the thread. Maybe I’m just impressed by the novelty of a libertarian exterminator who can “talk pirate,” but I found it pretty cool.

And why are all exterminators Libertarians anyway? Might it have something to do with the neurotoxins in the pesticide?

There’s a lot of stuff I wanted to mention tonight, like the fact that a much maligned, recently paroled Ypsialnti landlord might get rich with the help of the great John Barrymore’s little granddaughter, Drew, but I’m having a hard time keeping my eyes open… So, I’ll leave you with this trailer for the 1933 film “Dinner at Eight.” If you haven’t seen it, it’s a great film. I wanted to share a clip with you showing Barrymore in the film, playing a washed-up alcoholic actor (much like himself at the time) contemplating suicide, but I couldn’t find one. So, this will have to do. I hope you enjoy it.

Oh, and speaking of Kircher, how perfectly ironic would it be if he turned out to be Ypsilanti’s economic savior? What if our real promise as a community turns out not to be the well-kept historic district, our young creative population, or Water Street, but the dilapidated rentals of David Kircher that the City fathers have been working so diligently to seize and rehabilitate? What if Ypsi becomes Hollywood’s favorite community to typify rustbelt despair?

Posted in Other | 16 Comments

pimp oil

Every morning, before I eat my cereal, I take a teaspoon of cod liver oil and a tablespoon of hemp oil. Don’t ask me why. I just do it. Anyway, Clementine likes to watch me. Apparently I make funny faces and sounds as I choke the foul-tasting stuff down. So, this morning, as we’re walking out the door to take her to school, I hear Clementine say – I guess to one of her imaginary siblings – “daddy takes pimp oil.”

She didn’t say it again the whole way to school, but I just know, at some point during the day, she turned to her teacher and confided in her that I’m constantly swigin’ off a bottle of pimp juice.

Now, I have to decide whether or not I go into her classroom tomorrow and say to Ms. Christie, “Clementine didn’t happen to tell you that I drink pimp oil, did she?”

Posted in Mark's Life | 20 Comments

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