“hey baby, i’m a grown man wearing four girls turtlenecks and I want to meet you in the food court”

Our friend Patti has been getting weird messages on her answering machine from a man who likes wearing children’s clothes. Her husband, Andy, just put four of the calls online. You can hear them here.

I haven’t listened closely enough to get a lot of clues, but, judging from his voice, the man seems to be from Maryland or Pennsylvania. If you hear anything else that might help us to identify him, please leave a comment.

My guess is that he must have written down an area code incorrectly. Scanning through the U.S. area code listings, I see that 724 is in Pennsylvania. I haven’t told Andy and Patti yet, but I suspect that if we call their home number, swapping 724 for 734, which is our area code, that we’ll find the intended recipient of these calls… I’m tempted to dial it now, but I guess I should wait and see how Andy and Patti want to play it…

I just did a reverse lookup and such a number does indeed exist. It’s registered to someone in Charleroi, PA.

I know I’ve said it before, but I should have been a detective.

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  1. UBU
    Posted May 15, 2008 at 7:47 am | Permalink

    You have always been a dick to me, Mark…

  2. Posted May 15, 2008 at 10:00 am | Permalink

    Eeeewwww. I could only listen to about half of the first message. It definitely “squicked” me out. *full body shudder*

  3. Ol' E Cross
    Posted May 15, 2008 at 10:27 am | Permalink

    After a quick listen, I can tell you that he’s a white man age 32 to 37. He had an alcoholic mother and suffered some abuse as a child. Brown hair, blue eyes, left handed. Clean shaven. No tattoos. Nonsmoker. Never married. He always introduces himself with his full, first name (i.e., William or James not Billy or Jim). He was rejected for military service and took several community college courses, mostly in history and science. He exclusively drives GM cars and owns a Sunbird or Malibu. Wears Reebox and has a membership to a health club where he practices racquetball but doesn’t compete with others. He eats at Wendy’s and listens to classic rock, especially Journey. Has a freezer full of push-pops and hot pockets. Wears Armani Code cologne. As he said, “I have one more job today,” he obviously works in some service profession. Maybe installing satellite TV service but more likely as an exterminator.

  4. Paw
    Posted May 15, 2008 at 10:29 am | Permalink

    Example of a Baltimore accent.


  5. The Exterminator
    Posted May 15, 2008 at 11:32 am | Permalink

    Wendy’s? Who the hell still eats at Wendy’s?

  6. Steve Swan
    Posted May 16, 2008 at 11:03 am | Permalink

    If you do track the guy down, let me know. I’d like to ask him to be in one of my films. I might even be willing to cough up bus money to Romulus.

  7. Steve Swan
    Posted May 16, 2008 at 11:06 am | Permalink

    Hopefully that’s all I’d cough up.

  8. toado
    Posted May 16, 2008 at 12:58 pm | Permalink

    I am really impressed. My brother-in-law is from Michigan, and he has no sense of humor. Now I know he is unique. People from Michigan really do have fun.

  9. Robert
    Posted May 16, 2008 at 3:55 pm | Permalink

    I was shaking when I read OEC’s suspect profile, right up until the point where he mentioned push-pops. I don’t have a refrigerator.

  10. Kestol
    Posted May 16, 2008 at 4:14 pm | Permalink

    Why isn’t this the biggest thing on the net right now? This is so much better than footage of Bill O’Reilly yelling.

  11. Edge of the Sprawl
    Posted May 16, 2008 at 9:31 pm | Permalink

    Please — Call him up. I’d love to see pictures posted on this blog of both of them dressed in layers and waving to us from the food court.

  12. Jean
    Posted May 17, 2008 at 5:55 pm | Permalink

    As a PA girl (717 area code, thank you very much) I’d say our friend’s accent is pretty much Southwestern PA not from Balti-mer, Pittsburg or Dutch Country. It’s a PA accent but on the appalachian side, heading to the W. Va hills. Head North and you get a steel belt nasal ‘a’; head East and it gets real germanic, head Southeast and it takes on a Southern drawl. That guy spoke really clearly but with some twang. Mark may have our guy pegged. But now what to do?

    Am I the only one just a bit impressed with our guy’s willingness to take his kink out of the closet and into the mall? It sounded consensual, which puts him higher up on the evolutionary scale than most pervs. I vote for letting our bundled boy and his mama sweat in peace. The mental image alone can suffice.

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