white unicorn power, the rise and fall of the fascist unicorn

Melissa, my Severed Unicorn Head Superstore partner, and I are at the Brewery right now, working on the first edition of the Severed Unicorn Head Newsletter. If you haven’t signed up to receive it yet, just go to the main page of the Severed Unicorn Head Superstore site, and enter your address in the upper right hand corner, where it says, “join the mailing list.” If you do that, you’ll get a copy of our newsletter, and hear all about our exciting new initiatives.

I don’t want to give too much away here, but we’re rolling out a hot new t-shirt design. Also, if you buy a severed unicorn head painting in the month of March, I’ll throw in a Hitler mustache at no extra charge. (I’m working on a children’s book right now about a fascist unicorn, so I’ve got Hitler on the mind.) Oh, and we’re also announcing a new campaign -“You send us the unicorn. We send you the head.” It only costs five bucks. All you have to do is send us a unicorn and five dollars. We do all the dirty work. You get the head back in a plain, brown, unmarked box, and a handful of Severed Unicorn Head Superstore stickers. It’s the first public service initiative of our sister non-profit, the Severed Unicorn Head Foundation of Goodness. (That’s right, soon we’ll be able to accept your tax-deductible cash donations!)

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  1. Posted March 14, 2008 at 9:09 pm | Permalink

    What else does the Foundation of Goodness do? What do the money proceeds go towards? Is it like the Make A Wish Foundation where 30 bucks a month can go towards decapitating a certain amount of unicorn heads worldwide? In what region of the world are most unicorns found? Are there any in Ypsilanti? Why are unicorns such jerks? Has there ever been a unicorn who is nice?

  2. mark
    Posted March 15, 2008 at 10:36 am | Permalink

    The Foundation of Good is just a front for the giant slaughterhouse we plan to build at Water Street. Don’t tell anyone, though. It’s a secret.

  3. Posted March 15, 2008 at 7:27 pm | Permalink

    I won’t…I hope I’ll be able to buy Unicorn jerky there.

  4. egnb
    Posted March 24, 2008 at 4:47 pm | Permalink

    You won’t believe what I just came across via another blog. I thought there must’ve be a connection to MM.com, but I can’t see that there is one so far:


  5. mark
    Posted March 24, 2008 at 9:04 pm | Permalink

    Our attorneys are in the process of filing papers. By tomorrow morning, I expect that Melissa and I will own their company. Thank you for the note, Egnb.

  6. Quake
    Posted March 27, 2008 at 10:59 pm | Permalink

    So I’m doing a paper on the new Skinhead. When the leadership tells the group to grow your hair out to fit in, so you can get more to join, how does the message get out. Is there a site or e-mail that says grow your hair? What if you disagree?

  7. white power is stupid
    Posted March 28, 2008 at 9:05 am | Permalink

    This isn’t a White Power site. If anything, it’s a site for People that Feel Guilty for Being Born White, and Their Many Friends of Color.

    As for how skinheads get the message out, I think they probably do it through websites, music, printed materials, and face to face meetings. No doubt they have some charismatic young leaders who shape opinion. The rest probably follow their example. Once a few start growing their hair, that’s all it takes. How do kids in popular culture decide to start wearing their pants ridiculously low? People want to fit in. Skinheads, I’m sure, are as insecure as anyone else, or more so.

  8. Paw
    Posted March 28, 2008 at 10:55 am | Permalink

    They communicate through personal ads in The Detroit News.

  9. Your father
    Posted January 11, 2009 at 7:50 pm | Permalink

    Do people actually read this shit? I stumbled upon it by accident. I was looking for a website for people with lives. Guess I didnt find it. You all morons. What the hell does this site accomplish? That your not capable of making descisions? Sure…And Im flipping Royalty. Your not even doing it for God. Your worthless.

  10. Brackache
    Posted January 11, 2009 at 9:42 pm | Permalink

    Did you just call us “father?”

  11. Real Motherfukker
    Posted January 11, 2009 at 10:51 pm | Permalink

    Ill pull a 187 on you putos trick azzs biatchhh

  12. mark
    Posted January 11, 2009 at 11:41 pm | Permalink

    Translation please.

  13. ol' e cross
    Posted January 11, 2009 at 11:47 pm | Permalink

    Wow. I’m a moron. That hurts all the more as a comment left by someone who “stumbled” on this site while either searching for “white power unicorn” (mm is #2 in Google) or, more likely, “unicorn ballshavers” (mm is #1 in that search).

    On the plus side, I’m glad Mark finally got his father’s attention, which I know what this site has been about, all along.

  14. Posted January 12, 2009 at 10:49 am | Permalink

    What does this “your father” guy have against apostrophes?

  15. Brackache
    Posted January 12, 2009 at 11:08 am | Permalink

    With the verb removed from “you all morons,” it could really mean anything.

    “you all enlighten morons.”
    “you all pickle morons.”
    “you all captive-breed morons.” (that’s a 187; I saw it in a movie)

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