severed unicorn heads are still for lovers

The “Severed Unicorn Heads are for Lovers” stickers were so popular, we thought that we’d make a new t-shirt. Ours are cool and really soft, but if you don’t have the $15, you can make one yourself out of fabric scraps and medical waste. Contrary to what our attorneys may have told you, we like it when people make their own severed unicorn head stuff. It’s a lot easier than packing up boxes and lugging them to the post office.

And I don’t know that medical waste was used to make this shirt. I’m scared to see how t-shirts are made, so I say away. Melissa tells me that they used something called “non-STD discharge ink” to make this one, though. As bad as it sounds, I guess it could be worse. It could be made from a regular old “STD discharge,” like Chlamydia ooze or Gonorrhea slime, the way the rest of our product offerings are.

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  1. Ol' E Cross
    Posted March 31, 2008 at 11:29 am | Permalink

    While I’m willing to take your word that severed unicorn heads are for lovers, a pictorial “how to” booklet would be most helpful, as I’m an awkward lover, and trying to incorporate my severed unicorn head into coitus has only made things increasingly awkward, to say the least.

  2. Paw
    Posted March 31, 2008 at 12:25 pm | Permalink

    The secret is to start with one that has a small horn.

  3. Thoreau
    Posted March 31, 2008 at 6:25 pm | Permalink

    A Narrow Severed Unicorn Head, in the Grass

    A severed unicorn head,in the grass
    Occasionally rides;
    The Severed Unicorn Head,You may have met him,–did you not,
    His notice sudden is.

    The grass divides as with a comb,
    A severed unicorn head, is seen;
    And then it closes at your feet
    And opens further on.

    The severed unicorn head,likes a boggy acre,
    A floor too cool for corn.
    Yet when a child, and barefoot,
    I more than once, at morn,

    Have passed, I thought, a whip-lash
    Unbraiding in the sun,–
    When, stooping to secure it,
    It wrinkled, and was gone.

    Several of nature’s people
    I know, and they know me;
    I feel for them a transport
    Of cordiality;

    But never met this severed unicorn head,
    Attended or alone,
    Without a tighter breathing,
    And zero at the bone.

  4. mark
    Posted March 31, 2008 at 10:13 pm | Permalink

    Unicorns bleed lube.

  5. Ol' E Cross
    Posted March 31, 2008 at 11:13 pm | Permalink

    Paw. Due to certain, lingering insecurities, I obtained the smallest possible horn I could find. And, thank you Thoreau. I had been “closing at the feet” first and then “dividing as with a comb.” I’ll try it in reverse.

    Although, as I am a visual learner, I still would find a pictorial helpful. Maybe one done by that guy who did all the vivid “My Life in Ypsi” brochures?

  6. Posted April 2, 2008 at 4:06 am | Permalink

    Oh! I love this shirt – I’m going to buy one for sure.

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