my favorite thing about this time of year…

…has to be when, at long last, the accumulated snow and ice of winter melts away, revealing the tiny sprouts of tulips and evidence of a resilient and robust local drug trade in my front yard.

Yes, I’ve got a truly wondrous collection of crack baggies in my pocket and spring is in the air!

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  1. Ol' E Cross
    Posted March 19, 2008 at 10:58 pm | Permalink


    I’ll trade you three “preconditioned” condoms for a half-dozen of your plastic baggies.

    Reduce, reuse, recycle!

  2. egpenet
    Posted March 19, 2008 at 11:19 pm | Permalink

    Nothing you guys found this year beats the syringes I collected when I lived next to the car wash next to the RAC.

    And I ask … just how does Mark know that these are crack baggies? Hmmmm?

    The trash behind the RAC and down into Riverside Park could be the basis for an entire episode of The Wire.

  3. Ol' E Cross
    Posted March 19, 2008 at 11:30 pm | Permalink

    EgP, I also found three severed fingers, a few dozen fake fingernails, two eyeballs (different colors), one tit, one ball, twelve teeth and the top half of a foreskin. I just ain’t trading any those gems to nobody. Although, I may swap you my testicle billiards set for one of your syringe hammocks…to be fair, my balls roll to the right but I understand your hammocks swing to the left. Deal?

  4. Paw
    Posted March 20, 2008 at 11:19 am | Permalink

    I’ve got a uterus.

  5. Posted March 20, 2008 at 2:43 pm | Permalink

    I love Ypsi. I mean it. Seriously. Where else can you find a uterus just laying around in the open.

  6. Paw
    Posted March 20, 2008 at 3:11 pm | Permalink

    I didn’t find it. I was born with it. I thought my comment was pretty clear.

  7. Posted March 20, 2008 at 5:16 pm | Permalink

    Yeah, mark — how do you know that some innocent bead worker didn’t just drop all her sorting bags when she pulled her keys out of her pocket?! Jeez. And the same with the uterus, fer chrissakes.

  8. John on Forest
    Posted March 20, 2008 at 6:38 pm | Permalink

    I want to know how to distinguish the top half of a foreskin from the bottom half.

    Wait, I take that back, I don’t think I have a need whatsoever to know that.

  9. Posted March 20, 2008 at 8:08 pm | Permalink

    I love it. One post about marketing Ypsi through cool stuff like the SAF, another about finding crack bags in your front yard.

    That just about sums up Ypsilanti right there.

  10. mark
    Posted March 20, 2008 at 8:54 pm | Permalink

    Yeah, Cousins. I was wondering if someone would put those two posts together. It’s the yin and yang of Ypsi.

    And, Ed, I have found hypodermic needles in my yard. They were actually in my garden, and somewhere on this site there’s a post with with photos.

    And, Lisele, I’d like to buy into your vision of the innocent bead worker, but I’ve been finding these little baggies in my yard pretty consistently over the past half dozen years. I suppose it’s possible that there’s a spastic bead worker up the street who keeps dropping them, but I find it unlikely. Of course, if we ever decide to sell the house, that’s exactly what I’ll tell people. I may even hire an adorable young actress to play the part.

    And it’s easy to tell the top half of the foreskin. It’s tan.

  11. John on Forest
    Posted March 21, 2008 at 5:40 pm | Permalink

    yours flops differently than mine when you lay out in the sun, Mark, and if I’m not careful to turn it regularly, then red is the color, not tan.

  12. Molly
    Posted March 21, 2008 at 7:37 pm | Permalink

    Mark – you should sell those at the next SAF. Maybe as unicorn feed sacks.

  13. mark
    Posted March 21, 2008 at 8:13 pm | Permalink

    I’d never thought to turn mine on a rotisserie. Sounds like good advice.

    And, yes, Molly. They would make lovely unicorn snack baggies. I could fill them with multi-colored sprinkles.

  14. mar on Forest
    Posted March 21, 2008 at 11:27 pm | Permalink

    I found a joint at Prospect Park. At least I think it was a joint. Did anyone lose one?

  15. Posted March 30, 2008 at 1:38 pm | Permalink

    this afternoon i’m engaging in a bit of gonzo grant writing with the assistance of nicotine gum, coffee, diet pepsi, coke zero and a box of thin mints. now i’m curious what wonders i might find in my yard!

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