the brick boner of ypsilanti

I’ve just discovered that someone out there on the internet has appropriated our beloved water tower to signify a giant, engorged boner. I’d never made the connection before now, but it didn’t take me very long to figure out what the author of the post was going for. There was just a link to a photo of a topless Lindsay Lohan in a blonde wig (reminiscent of that other sexy, full-figured MM, Marilyn Monroe), and a photo of Ypsilanti’s historic water tower… I didn’t actually have a chance to work it out on my own. Linette walked by me as I was puzzling over it, and made the universal boner sound effect. I would have figured it out on my own eventually, though.

Anyway, I’m not sure what recourse we have, but I thought that I should make you aware so that you can talk frankly with your children about boners, reroute your daily commute, start putting together a vigilante crew to demolish the tower, etc.

Seriously, was anyone else aware that people saw our water tower in this way? The thought of it fills me with shame.

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19 Comments

  1. egpenet
    Posted February 18, 2008 at 11:01 pm | Permalink

    Oh, please. Postcards, posters, crude art … everywhere … potty humor.

    Any publicity … is good publicity.

    We can take it.

  2. Mark H.
    Posted February 18, 2008 at 11:08 pm | Permalink

    Mark, I’m amazed that you’ve somehow overlooked the kinds of attention this water tower has gotten over the years…you’re such a well attuned person when it comes to popular culture! And I am not. But the tower’s nicknames include ‘the brick dick’ and it won some kind of magazine contest for being the most phallic building on earth, a couple of years ago. Were you really unaware of this? I think you’re just putting us on, and I fell for it, at first.

  3. Ol' E Cross
    Posted February 18, 2008 at 11:41 pm | Permalink

    Giant? Really? It doesn’t look that big to me, I guess it’s all a matter of perspective.

  4. elviscostello
    Posted February 19, 2008 at 12:17 am | Permalink

    Of course the EMU legend that if a female virgin graduates from the school, the tower will crumble, much like the tower of london, if the ravens ever leave…

  5. Posted February 19, 2008 at 10:39 am | Permalink

    Come on Mark! You knew this already. Don’t kid with us..
    It’s the first thing you learn when you live in Ypsi.
    In March 1983, when I transferred from CMU to EMA I was told it was called ‘The Big Dick.’
    And yes, I heard the virgin tale before, too so I made damn sure I lost mine within that first year…only a block from The Big Dick!

  6. Posted February 19, 2008 at 10:40 am | Permalink

    That was supposed to be EMU. Darn Firefox. I liked Safari better for typing.

  7. Andy C
    Posted February 19, 2008 at 10:47 am | Permalink

    This is a problem. Can we cover it up? Can the the city afford to cover it up? We certainly have to do something about it. Maybe a letter to John Ashcroft help.

  8. Robert
    Posted February 19, 2008 at 11:09 am | Permalink

    Of course we should cover it up, and it won’t cost the city a thing. I bet the Trojan company will be happy to sponsor that.

  9. Ypsi Founding Father
    Posted February 19, 2008 at 12:17 pm | Permalink

    If people are going to use it in this way, we should at least put a sign on it so that Ypsi gets credit. How about a tasteful, little “Cum to Ypsi” sign right beneath the foreskin?

  10. Brent
    Posted February 19, 2008 at 1:08 pm | Permalink

    Hmm, maybe I should speak to my Realtor and start a new marketing campaign for my house. “Renovated House with stunning view of the Brick Dick” It’s a niche market, but in this market you need to stand out amongst the competition.

  11. mark
    Posted February 19, 2008 at 8:04 pm | Permalink

    I wonderi f the house you’re trying to sell, Brent, is the same house where Mary of the Pittsfield Preserve lost her virginity. If so, that might be another thing for your realtor to mention.

    And it really never had occurred to me that our water tower looked like a cock. I always thought that it just looked like a natural rock formation.

    I was talking with a friend of mine the other day who owns a local print shop and he mentioned that they’re considering a ban on all designs that feature the water tower. They’re of the opinion that it’s been done to death. (I was going to say “overblown,” but I thought better of it.) I have mixed feelings. It has been overused, but it is classically Ypsi.

  12. brokenmelody
    Posted February 20, 2008 at 3:50 pm | Permalink

    I grew up in Ypsi and it was always referred to as the Ypsi Dick. I think its cute you didnt know that.

    I have some pinup postcards that a local does (I believe there is one hanging in The Elbow Room too) where you see fish net stocking legs and the tower rising to the occasion between them. On the back of the postcard is that legend that elviscostello was referring to.

    Its charm, and better yet, its historic!

  13. Ol' E Cross
    Posted February 20, 2008 at 6:05 pm | Permalink

    brokenmelody,

    You mean this one?

  14. mark
    Posted February 20, 2008 at 9:29 pm | Permalink

    If only it incorporated a goatse…

  15. Bick Drik
    Posted February 21, 2008 at 9:24 am | Permalink

    You can’t blame Mark for not immediately recognizing the phallic nature of a tall, straight tower. Truth is, he just hasn’t seen a lot penises, outside his own, that is.

  16. John on Forest
    Posted February 22, 2008 at 10:40 pm | Permalink

    Has anyone ever looked at the clock tower in Chelsea and not thought the same thing?

    Maybe someone needs to fund a research project on Architects with Penis Envy. It might be a result in a new DSM entry.

  17. Lyndsy d Shepherd
    Posted March 14, 2017 at 4:46 pm | Permalink

    Yeah, if you look on wikipedia it won a WORLD wide contest so basically everyone but you. lol

  18. Jeremy Liotens
    Posted April 10, 2017 at 10:07 pm | Permalink

    I went to EMU and when I was there my friends and I commonly referred to it as mother nature’s resting place. There were some guys that built a snow pants in front of the all female dorm and claimed it was a snow sculpture of the water tower.

  19. Jeremy Liotens
    Posted April 10, 2017 at 10:11 pm | Permalink

    Snow penis. Silly auto correct decided I meant pants.

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