While everyone else within several thousand miles of me is watching the Super Bowl tonight, I’m filling Severed Unicorn Head orders while listening to archival audio of a much younger Doug Skinner talking about collecting the works of an outsider artist who called himself Pantuso. It’s fascinating stuff. I used to watch the Super Bowl for the ads, then, a few years ago, I realized that was really fucking stupid.
On the subject of the Severed Unicorn Head Superstore, we’re now offering huge discounts for people with severed unicorn head tattoos. (If you get the tattoo on your face, you get a free t-shirt!) We’ve also got a CD compilation of songs about severed unicorn heads in the works. If you’ve got a band, and if your band has a song about a pile of severed unicorn heads, drop us a line. (I’m working on a form letter to Led Zepplin, Daniel Johnston, Cher, and the Shaggs.)
Act now, and you can still get a romantic, one-of-a-kind severed unicorn head painting by Valentine’s Day! Diamonds are for assholes. Severed unicorn heads are for lovers.
5 Comments
What do I win if I get the tattoo on my Led Johnston?
I’ve paid for head several times in my life, so I know a thing or two, and I have to tell you that this system of yours is by far the easiest I have come across. Unfortunately, it is also the least satisfying sexually.
I own the copyright for “Sorority Face Tattoos”. I OWN IT! That’s my business. I fly around the country tattooing the faces of sorority sisters. For the most part, I do teardrops and kitten whiskers. I will add the severed unicorn head to my portfolio.
Super Bowl ads:
http://www.spike.com/superbowl/25823
This is such a weird coincidence. I’ve got an appointment to get my eyeball tattooed tomorrow morning, and this would be perfect.
Eyeball does count as face, doesn’t it?