An old friend of Crimewave, and an occasional reader of this site, a man named Larry, was recently wed in Stockholm. Larry is Jewish, and, in keeping with the traditions of his people, he, at some point during the ceremony, smashed a glass with his foot. Something apparently went wrong. Following are the disjointed mutterings of a newlywed American expatriate in pain.
got remarried… amazing italian scientist… doing research on alzheimers… no jokes please… she came to stockholm from rome 3 years ago… i took me and store and moved here
just opened… new name is larrys corner… new website
making coffee, brownies…. putting on pretty damn good concerts
took ambulance to emergency ward directly after exchanging vows…. broke jewish glass… glass went thru shoe and foot had to get stitched3 rabbis have said they never heard it happening…. i smashed the wrong glass with the wrong shoe in the wrong way and bled like a jewish pigsfoot
i dont take pain well at all… you cannot believe the pain i was in! but i was sooo fucking happy i didnt notice a thing… did it before exchanging rings… we made vows… by the way, dont trust babel fish for translating… luckily i checked before…. wrote a speech in italian… shoud say, i will give you mine forever… translation was, i will give you landmines forever
anyhows… i was in pain… PAIN… but so happy figured it would go away
we went to kiss… someone screamed…. you’re bleedingi figured.. so what.. a little blood
then my brain connected… if there is blood coming from my foot… IT MUST BE COMING THRU MY SHOE
felt my foot and it felt all squishy in the shoelife is good
In somewhat related news, another reader of this site just sent in a postcard to let us know that she’d been shot twice during a mugging in Atlanta. (Thankfully, she survived, and the damage seems to be minimal.)
If I were you, I’d stop reading this site at once.
…Actually, on second thought, maybe the readers of this site are the luckiest people on earth. Bullets cannot stop them. They get stabbed through their feet and don’t even notice. They stride across the earth like gods!
So, maybe you should visit this site more often.
5 Comments
I hope, after cleaning up the mess, they hung the bloody sheet out their window.
Testimony.
I know that every time I experience immense pain or personal loss, I say to myself, but I read markmaynard.com; this ain’t nothing compared to that. Last time I needed major dental work, I prepped by reading a handful of Robert’s comments and listening to MPT. Hell, just quoting a few lines from “My Life in Ypsi” got my wife through childbirth. Said she didn’t feel a thing.
I think I may shared this with you before, but the one thing that keeps me from getting panicy on flights is thinking about the younger kids onboard and how much more it would suck for them to die that me, having not really experienced much of life yet. Somehow that makes me feel better. It’s weird. It’s probably also not the kind of thing that I should admit.
And, I should point out, MM.com is now the number one thing that comes up when one searches for “jewish pigsfoot.”
Sadly, however, I’m not longer even in the top ten for “ball shaving.”
i bet you got pretty drunk after that