our giant unicorn head spokesmodel needs a white suit

Soon, the Severed Unicorn Head Superstore will swing open its giant, furry cyber doors, and you’ll be able to buy my severed unicorn head paintings, my friend Melissa’s plush severed unicorn heads, and tons of other high-quality, American-made severed unicorn head related merchandise. The plan right now is to open the store on Saturday, December 1, so that those of you not in Michigan can see everything at the same time as those folks lucky enough to be able to visit the Shadow Art Fair in person.

The only big thing that might keep us from opening on schedule is the fact that we’ve yet to take the photos we need for the site. I don’t want to get into a lot of detail here, as I’d like to save some of the surprise for December 1, but I will tell you that a lot of it depends on how successfully we can convey the power and intensity of our trademarked severed unicorn head character. Our hope is that he translates well to film, but we won’t know until we start shooting, and we don’t want to start shooting until we have his costume complete.

I’m including a photo here of an as yet unfinished model. I’m still debating the type of material to use for its tongue, and whether or not to put on a mane, but it’s pretty much done. The big issue right now, as I mentioned, is the outfit. We need a big white suit for what we have in mind, but, so far, I haven’t been able to find one. I suppose we could dye a suite white, but I’d rather just start with a white one. (It’s bad enough having the chicken wire inside the mask scratch your face. I don’t want to add the smell of bleach into the mix.) Unfortunately, none of the thrift stores that I’ve tried have had one. So, I thought that I’d open it up to you, the readers of MM.com… And, just to make it fun, I’m offering a reward… The first person who can get me a big white suit, assuming I get it by next weekend, can have one of my prized severed unicorn head paintings!

Just send the suit to: Mark Maynard, Unicorn Department, PO Box 980301, Ypsilanti, MI 48198

And be sure to sign up for our Severed Unicorn Head Superstore mailing list when you visit our site. You haven’t experienced spam like what we’ve got in mind — ever! We are going to test the limits of permission marketing!

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  1. Ol' E Cross
    Posted November 11, 2007 at 10:43 pm | Permalink

    But, that head doesn’t look severed. I mean, call me a stickler, but it’s not severed if it’s still attached to a white suit and body is it?

    Or, is the plan to sever it, pinata style, at the SAF? I’m not trying to ruin any surprises, but if I’m gonna pay five cents for admission, I need to know what I’m getting for my entertainment dollar.

  2. Furball
    Posted November 11, 2007 at 10:48 pm | Permalink

    That photo is totally giving me flashbacks to my first furry convention.

  3. mark
    Posted November 11, 2007 at 10:49 pm | Permalink

    A head can be severed and still sit atop the body from which it came, can it not?

  4. mark
    Posted November 11, 2007 at 11:08 pm | Permalink

    Now, why’d you have to go and say that, Furball?

  5. Ol' E Cross
    Posted November 11, 2007 at 11:28 pm | Permalink

    Mark. Of course severed heads can rest upon their bodies. Now that we’re in agreement, will you please reconsider my latest product offering of severed-unicorn-heads resting majestically upon their own bodies?

  6. referer spam
    Posted November 12, 2007 at 9:24 am | Permalink

    hmmm…don’t think I’m going to invest in this…

  7. Katy
    Posted November 12, 2007 at 10:32 am | Permalink

    perhaps the unicorn needs a kung-fu suit?

  8. mark
    Posted November 12, 2007 at 12:02 pm | Permalink

    Kathy, I followed the link, but Ebay says the Kung-fu suit is no longer available. They did, however, try to sell me a used copy of the pregnancy handbook, “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.” It hadn’t occurred to me, but now I thinking that maybe I should wear maternity clothes… Or would severing the head of a pregnant unicorn be too much?

  9. mark
    Posted November 12, 2007 at 12:04 pm | Permalink

    I think referer spam really is just that, but I’m going to keep his comment as it seem appropriate.

  10. Amanda
    Posted November 13, 2007 at 10:57 pm | Permalink

    it’s only $1199! what a steal!


  11. amused1
    Posted November 14, 2007 at 7:17 am | Permalink

    Maybe you can get a local tux shop to loan you a white tux? Or you could contact a local dojo and ask if they have a ki (kee?) you can borrow?

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