robert writes in from the campaign trail reporter Robert X is in Iowa this week following the Democratic primary. Here’s his report:

A record number of people turned out in Indianola, Iowa, yesterday,

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  1. Robert
    Posted September 19, 2007 at 1:14 pm | Permalink

    With Edwards as the candidate, I don’t think the election would be close enough for Rove to fix. On top of the states whose electoral votes were awarded to Kerry and Gore, I think Edwards could win Georgia, Florida, Missouri, Arkansas, West Virginia, North Carolina, Virginia, Tennessee, Oklahoma, Colorado, Nevada, Arizona, Montana, and possibly a few others. He may even be able to win Texas if Giuliani is the Republican candidate. Hillary or Obama would have a difficult time winning any of those extra states. Hillary might be able to win Florida but the rest of the South and Southwest won’t vote for her. As far as Obama goes, I don’t even think he can win Florida…or Ohio for that matter. In fact, I believe Obama would get beat almost as bad as Dukakis did. Do Obama supporters really think racism is that dead in America? Wake the fuck up! Half the staunch Democrats I know are fucking bigots! I’d bet half the jackasses reading this post are racist pricks. Now Hillary on the other hand would make it a close fight. However, close doesn’t cut it anymore (for the Democrats).

  2. jill
    Posted September 20, 2007 at 12:36 pm | Permalink

    I read “… 30th annual Streak Fly” which really didn’t make a whole lot of sense.

  3. from Iowa
    Posted September 20, 2007 at 1:48 pm | Permalink

    I shit blood for a week after Harkin’s ’05 Steak Fry. If you’re smart, you’ll stay away from the coleslaw.

  4. Posted September 20, 2007 at 4:02 pm | Permalink

    I didn’t see the coleslaw, maybe that was why. I did see some freaky potato salad though. I knew by instinct to avoid that stuff. The baked beans were pretty tasty though, and I drank about 2 gallons of lemonade.

  5. Posted September 20, 2007 at 4:15 pm | Permalink

    ‘Steak fry’ didn’t make all that much sense to me when I first heard it. I think the word they were looking for was barbecue. At least that’s what I believe the rest of the world calls it. Coincidentally, Edwards is in Des Moines tomorrow unveiling his education plan.

  6. egpenet
    Posted September 20, 2007 at 6:13 pm | Permalink

    The whole world has been hemmoraging thanks to G.W. Bush … a little spoiled coleslaw once in a while is good for the system.

    I’m afraid Edwards is getting as shrill as Kucinich. Both credible, but the media is very cruel to both.

    I’m liking Ron Paul, more and more … brings out the Bakunin in me … ochin interyestne, I say phonetically.

  7. Robert
    Posted September 20, 2007 at 6:19 pm | Permalink

    Ron Paul is some kind of conspiracy nut isn’t he?

  8. Posted September 20, 2007 at 8:06 pm | Permalink


    “Half the jackasses reading this posts are racist pricks”?

    Huh? I know that beer probably aided that post, which I can appreciate, but man, be careful! You lose your crediblity with comments like that.

    And: the fact that democrats are worried about Obama losing because he’s black is half the problem, right?

    How can he have a shot if that’s the general feeling?

    Why not Obama other than the fact he’s black?

  9. Robert
    Posted September 20, 2007 at 9:21 pm | Permalink

    Cousins Vinyl,

    First, I don’t have any credibility. Let’s make that clear. Anyone can tell you that.

    Second, yes, of course Democrats worried about Obama losing is some of the problem, but it certainly isn’t anywhere near half of it. And removing that part of the problem entirely would have absolutely no affect on the rest of the problem, which is dramatically bigger, and which is that people are more racist than you would hope. Running Obama would certainly have some affect on chipping away at that fact, but it the process we would lose this critical election.

    Third, Obama DOES have a shot. He certainly does have a very good chance of being the nominee of the Democratic Party. The people who vote in Democratic caucuses and primaries are considerably less racist (or at least they are trying to be – and that goes for black, white, everybody) than Democratic voters as a whole. And if Obama is the nominee, he WILL have his shot, and because the tens of millions more Democrats who will be voting in the general are considerably less ‘enlightened’ or ‘sophisticated’ you will have dramatic drop-off in support. The same goes for independents and goes doubly for the Republicans looking to abandon their corrupted party this election.

    Lastly, Obama has faults which will hurt him considerably as a candidate in the general. Some are superficial or irrelevant, but still serious factors, unfortunately. Other faults he has are real and legitimate. There are plenty of reasons to be concerned if he is the nominee, beside his skin color. I’ll outline these faults if your last question was asked in all seriousness. Please don’t tell me you think Obama’s only weakness as a candidate is that he’s black.

    For the record, I love Obama, and I love Hillary, and I will work my ass off for either one of them if they are the nominee. I will do it because it is the best choice at that point.

  10. Robert
    Posted September 20, 2007 at 9:32 pm | Permalink

    Oh, and by the way, I stand by my remark that “Half the jackasses reading this posts are racist pricks” and I’ll tell you why. I just found out that this site has over 5,000 visitors per month. I’m willing to bet 2,500 of them are the racist pricks to which I referred. I doubt I could get them to identify themselves for confirmation of that fact however.

  11. mark
    Posted September 20, 2007 at 9:41 pm | Permalink

    The other half are beautiful young socialites who just come here to look at my picture and swoon.

  12. Posted September 20, 2007 at 10:33 pm | Permalink

    Robert –

    Thanks for responding. I like your fire and passion behind your beliefs. It’s cool. I’m glad you’re supporting the democratic party.

    To say though, that 2,500 out of 5,000 people who visit this site, which I would guess 4,500 or so are liberal and open minded, are “racist pricks”, is a little judgemental.

    Most people who are racist say things very similar to your “racist pricks” comment in anger to a group of people without really knowing them.

    If you really want to make a change in the racism in this country, it might help to not fight with anger and wild statements, but instead with education and love.

    About Obama, think about what Dr. Martin Luther King did. He risked his whole life – his family’s safety, his political power, everything – to try to make a change. And we can’t risk running a black candidate just because we’re afraid we’ll lose? Where would we be without Dr. King’s risks? Not only with knocking down overtly racist laws in the south, but providing equal opportunity for all workers across the nation! And this was only 40 years ago!

    If you’re worried about racism and racist pricks in America, maybe it would help to have an African American president. That might help heal the nation. It might give hope. It might give way to change – to better opportunity for everyone.

    Now, Obabma may have some issues going on that might make him a less than ideal candidate, and that is fair. But if we’re scared now to run an African American cadidate, when America is ready for a change, when we’re probably going to elect a democrat to be our next president – now might be the best time.

    I certainly am not saying that we should nominate him just because he is black. All I’m saying is that the whole Obama bandwagon is fading, and I think it’s largely due to his race. Why can’t we take a stand?

    I’m really not convinced that the other candidates are better, and all of them have faults too. I think we just search for faults more with Obama just to have an excuse, for fear of failure.

    Obama is charismatic, sincere and real. He seems open minded, and represents change. It’s hard to get excited about the other cadidates.

    Don’t get me wrong Robert – I know you may not think these things – I don’t want to accuse or personally attack you. If we sat down for a beer I’m sure we’d get along just fine and understand each other better. I just think there’s others out there who do think this way.

    Mark, by the way, you’re hilarious.

  13. Robert
    Posted September 21, 2007 at 11:06 am | Permalink

    First of all, Mark, “racist pricks” and “beautiful young socialites who just come here to look at [your] picture and swoon” are not two mutually exclusive groups. How dare you suggest a racist prick can’t also swoon at your picture! To be perfectly honest, I actually think more than 4,000 of your 5,000 visitors are racist pricks, and I think about the same number, 4,000, swoon at your picture. This would suggest an overlap of the two groups of at least 3,000. Mark, you’re a racist prick hating Sasquatch!

    And Cousins Vinyl, I think I may have a considerably lower threshold than you do for what constitutes a racist prick. This may account for most of our disagreement here.

    And like I say, many racist pricks have other, very lovely qualities. Some racist pricks are great people otherwise, so I don’t hold that one fault against them too much. In exchange, occasionally some of them are willing to overlook the fact that I am an obnoxious jackass.

    But you have me convinced, Cousin Vinyl. I am ready to join you and lose another election to Karl Rove. Count me in. I’m on board. I am kinda curious to see what the complete destruction of the “American experiment” would look like anyway. I only have one life to live, and I would hate for my remaining days on this planet to be spent bored, surrounded by a stable and prosperous society. It would obviously be much more interesting to be here as the walls continue to come tumbling down. I’ll trade security away for excitement any day.

  14. Robert
    Posted September 21, 2007 at 5:19 pm | Permalink

    Authors note:

    The views expressed are solely those of the jackass known as Robert X, and do not reflect the views of the Edwards for President Campaign, John Edwards, or any of his family, friends, or decent supporters. Nor do they reflect the views of a mentally stable or socially acceptable personality.

  15. mark
    Posted September 22, 2007 at 9:05 pm | Permalink

    It just dawned on me that I probably should have jumped in earlier to challenge Robert’s accusation that half of my readers are “racist pricks.” Sorry it took so long for me to realize that… At any rate, I don’t believe it’s true. I suspect there are other sites that lend themselves to that particular world-view better than mine. And, the readers that I’ve met have actually been quite nice. If they were in fact “racist pricks,” they hid it pretty well. I confess, however, I did not have any of them hooked up to a lie detector when I showed them photos of black, hispanic, white and asian folks and asked, “Who do you hate more?” (They just tend to smile awkwardly at that point and excuse themselves from the session.)

  16. Robert
    Posted September 23, 2007 at 10:39 pm | Permalink

    I’ve now begun to put together my own gambling operation within the Edwards campaign. I’ve got bets with staff members on which states Edwards can take in the general. If he’s the nominee, and he wins Georgia in November, I get a steak dinner, compliments of one of the Central Iowa field directors. That reminds me…I owe Mark a couple enchiladas at Taqueria La Lona over that B-52 nuke incident in Minot a few weeks ago.

  17. mark
    Posted September 23, 2007 at 10:41 pm | Permalink

    Yeah, Robert bet me that I could never smuggle a nuke out of Minot.

  18. Robert
    Posted September 24, 2007 at 12:08 pm | Permalink

    Seemed like a safe bet at the time for some reason. We’re we drinking?

  19. Robert
    Posted September 24, 2007 at 12:21 pm | Permalink

    In my previous comment I put a apostrophe in “were” which suggests I was probably drinking.

  20. Posted October 6, 2007 at 4:11 pm | Permalink

    Did anyone happen to catch my rambling speech at the Oktoberfest event in Ann Arbor last weekend? I should have invited you people to come and heckle me. I did get gasps and hisses from the audience. It was a disaster.

  21. mark
    Posted October 7, 2007 at 8:14 pm | Permalink

    I know people that were there. I’ll have to ask them.

  22. Robert
    Posted October 29, 2007 at 8:38 pm | Permalink

    I didn’t call anyone a racist prick during the whole speech, so that wasn’t the problem with this particular break-down in communication.

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