The “Ann Arbor News” is running an article sometime soon on the origin of the Ypsipanty. Word is that they’re not just interviewing Linette and me, but all the women they can find who’ll admit to wearing them. (One woman apparently told the reporter that she’s “worn out” three pairs, which terrifies me.) Judging from the amount of effort they’re putting into it, I’m imagining that it’ll run over several days, if not weeks, before being handed over to the Pulitzer committee… Anyway, they sent a photographer over to the house tonight. She was cool. We weren’t receptive to her first idea, that required us to lay down in a pile of panties, making eyes at one another, but, being the good sports that we are, we went along with her second idea. It’s hard to describe in words. Basically, I was hunched over the lower half of an Ypsipanty-clad mannequin, while Linette clung to my back (as though furious at finding the mannequin and me engaged in an unnatural act). At some point, Clementine, being the little ham that she is, ran over and joined us, sticking her head out through my legs and screaming. I know it’ll end my professional career and cause Family Protective Services to open a file on us, but, if it moves a few more pairs of panties, I guess I’m OK with that. The important thing — the first thing on the family mission statement — is, after all, “Move Panties”… So, if you see a picture in the paper of my head, and Linette’s head, kind of sprouting up from the waistband of a pair of fuchsia panties, please don’t give us any shit about it. We feel bad enough about it already.
Connect
14 Comments
Truth: When our child was conceived, I was not wearing any Ypsipanties. And, I have never once conceived a child while wearing Ypsipanties.
This, for my money, make Ypsipanties the most effective contraceptive on the market. (Also, effectivley banning them from sale in Ave Maria.)
If anyone from the A2 News wants to do a photo-shoot of me using Ypsipanties as the ultimate contraceptive, please send them over.
I found your site after doing a google search on “ypsipanty”. I’m looking for a woman that I met a few nights ago at a bar called the Ear Inn in New York. She was a shortish brunette, medium build, with pigtails, cute, nice teeth, liked whiskey, probably in her mid twenties. She called herself Ash, which I assume it’s short for Ashley. We went to my place, had sex, and when I woke up my wallet was $200 light. A ring was also missing off my dresser that used to belong to my grandmother. I went back to the bar and no one there knows her. All I have to go on is that she wore ypsipanties. Any ideas?
How do I get ME some ypsipanties???
I’m betting you don’t have anything to worry about from Family Protective Services, Mark. I believe your self-described “Powerful Woman” would immediately grow to epic proportions, breath fire, and stomp them into the ground if they tried to take her parents away for selling panties.
I also believe that the answer to the meaning of life is 42, though. So anything I believe may be suspect under the current administration’s view of the American Dream.
The woman that you’re looking for probably wasn’t from Ypsi, Dave. If she was, she wouldn’t have stopped with 200 bucks and an old ring. You’d be hog-tied right now, one kidney short, watching her and her friends strip every ounce of copper from your house’s wiring.
And, Kathy, thanks for asking. Linette hopes to get the online ordering site for Ypsipanties up this weekend… Or you can pick a pair up at VG Kids in Ypsi.
Panty sellers!!!
That’s all I got.
Oh also, umm, it’d be nice if you expanded the ypsipantyline to include a that doesn’t ride up uncomfortably on certain people who shall remain nameless (murph).
Mark, what is it about you that makes the Ann Arbor News so interested in your light hearted pursuits? If only they were be as diligent in covering everything else that goes on in our city….
If that newspaper wants a story, I’ve got a story. I remember trading Ypsipanties for sex in occupied Germany just after WWII.
My family, for three generations now, have whittled butt plugs from hickory.
We need more crime around here, if only to keep the attention of the newspapers off Mark’s panties. I’m willing to do a few B&Es toward that cause.
Maybe you should tip off the reporters to this product if they want something really hot. In the same vein, perhaps you could start a line of men’s underwear with a picture of the water tower on the front.
Awesome article today Mark! That is very cool! I think I know what my wife is getting for her next birthday present.
Do they sell porn, too?
With the proper marketing, you should be loaded beyond your WILDEST DREAMS! You should start myspace.com/ypsipanties