“oh, the thought of all those poor people suffering around the world… it’s too much for me to bear”

[If you have a better idea for a caption, let me know.]

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  1. Robert
    Posted June 10, 2007 at 1:07 am | Permalink

    In a very real way I do feel sorry for Paris Hilton. Can you imagine what her life could have been as the heiress to the Hilton fortune? And then look at the life she has in reality. How empty her parents must be, or at least her relationship with them must be. And they must be empty. What kind of parent could look at that kid and not hear their inner voice scream, “I FUCKED UP ROYALLY! I need to drop EVERYTHING and do anything I can to correct any bit of that I can!” All that money, all that power, and all that opportunity…..and look at how little was done with it. Can you imagine the attention and care you could dedicate to raising you child, if you had what the Hilton’s have and were able to truly shift gears and live that life that such freedom could afford you. But they didn’t, and really probably can’t. What they’ve amassed defines them like a prison, it doesn’t liberate them. When I see Paris, and i think of what her life must be, I can’t help but feel all her parents have had really has amounted to nothing in the end. That’s got to be such a sickening feeling if they ever have moments of it. Their relationship with their daughter looks no better than what is all too common in the stressed relationships of the ghetto. What a perfect symbol she is.

    You have just read 95% of all the words I have ever dedicated to this subject, or ever will.

    Please let it end! I beg you God! Uncle! Uncle! I give! I surrender! I’ll do anything! Please!

  2. egpenet
    Posted June 10, 2007 at 10:25 am | Permalink

    Caption: “If I have to stay at this flea-bitten Marriott one more night, I’ll … I’ll just die!”

    Caption: “Mommy, they even took my make-up kit.”

    Caption: “What in God’s name did this driver have for breakfast that made him fart!? I can’t breathe in here!”

    Caption: “My rash from that orange polyester jumpsuit is driving me insane!”

  3. mark
    Posted June 10, 2007 at 4:03 pm | Permalink

    I’m not without a heart… If she were human, I’d show compassion. I believe, however, that she stopped being like the rest of us a long time ago, when she made a conscious choice to become a brand – a brand that stood for everything hollow and vapid. Watching her cry for herself doesn’t make me feel sorry for her, any more than I felt sorry for Ken Lay when he clutched his Bible in the courtroom as they handed down the sentence against him. These people don’t stop to consider how their lives, and the things that they do, impact others. They don’t care who suffers, so long as their lives continue unimpeded… Now, I’m not suggesting that we form a mob and hunt her down. As much as I despise her, I know where to draw the line.

  4. mark
    Posted June 10, 2007 at 4:06 pm | Permalink

    caption: “And I bet Mark has really good things planned for his blog this week… (sob)…”

  5. Robert
    Posted June 10, 2007 at 8:45 pm | Permalink

    Truth is…I’m right with you guys on this. Don’t get the wrong impression from my earlier posting. First off, I was drunk when I wrote it. Also, my ‘sympathy’ was very mean spirited. In a way, I feel sorry for just about everyone. That doesn’t stop me from wanting to see a person like Paris Hilton implode. In fact, I think it might be the only chance she has of one day being a human being. Look at Madonna. She almost imploded, and she’s almost human now.

  6. Posted June 11, 2007 at 10:24 am | Permalink

    What I don’t understand — quite honestly — is why she didn’t go to jail for drunk driving. Then, why she didn’t go to jail for violating her probation the first two times.

    I’m not a huge fan of jails — not a fan at all — but driving around drunk is dangerous.

  7. dr. teddy glass
    Posted June 11, 2007 at 10:36 am | Permalink

    “But… I don’t know who to believe on the Ypsilanti income tax…”

  8. mark
    Posted June 11, 2007 at 9:59 pm | Permalink

    You people surprise me. I thought for sure someone would take the bait and say:

    “…. so…. many….. cocks….. left unsucked…. (sob)”

    Or something along those lines.

  9. amused1
    Posted June 13, 2007 at 8:21 am | Permalink

    “Aqua-Net?!?! The only beauty product allowed in jail is Aqua-Net? Whaaaaaaaaa!!”

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