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I’m not planning to publicize this widely, but if you’d like for me to bite one of your fingers off, I’ll be at the Corner Brewery this Saturday afternoon. (I’ll be the guy in the corner biting people’s fingers off.)

The first finger is free. All additional fingers will be billed at $5 a piece. No thumbs. No feet.

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  1. mark
    Posted February 6, 2007 at 11:34 pm | Permalink

    I know it’s stupid. I just like the idea that anyone would remove a finger as a sign of love and devotion. I suspect the trend will grow. Safety pins through the cheek just don’t pack the same punch they did in 1976.

    (Thanks to Collin for the link.)

  2. mark
    Posted February 6, 2007 at 11:38 pm | Permalink

    I don’t know if anyone will remember, but many years ago, in Crimewave, I wrote a piece about elective foot removal. It would appear that I was pretty far ahead of the curve.

    Here’s a nice first person account of someone’s quest to have her leg removed.

    I predict that there will be a band in the not so distant future whose followers remove their fingers.

    We live in crazy times.

  3. ebjorn
    Posted February 6, 2007 at 11:56 pm | Permalink

    Okay, like, seriously. I really really want to say that this is a photoshop hoax. But dubious as I am, yeah, it looks pretty real, and totally fucked up.

    And umm, like, I’m usually able to stomach quite a bit, but seeing the aerial photograph of her digit (I think it’s her finger) and the spongy tissue and bone-in-middle around the sproingy bloody healing finger stuffs kind of makes my stomach sink. Each time I look at it. And yeah, I had to scroll back through it twice, carnage and all.

    Thanks, Mark, for your blog-anthropology here.

  4. It's Skinner Again
    Posted February 7, 2007 at 12:23 am | Permalink

    So it’s come to this. For some reason, I’m reminded of William Dudley Gresham’s superb carny novel, “Nightmare Alley”: you don’t find a geek, you make one.

  5. Collin
    Posted February 7, 2007 at 10:49 am | Permalink

    Hey, you bet. And I know exactly what ebjorn means about that photo. It’s horrifying. Even worse is their plan to bite down one more joint on their 10th anniversary and the final joint on the 20th And she’s pregnant. I wonder if they’ll make the kid watch. Assuming they really last that long.

  6. t.d. glass
    Posted February 7, 2007 at 12:20 pm | Permalink

    I actually have a “Bite Me” tshirt and it would be a shame not to make use of it.

    I’m thinking that I’ll go with the ring finger on my left hand. What’s everyone else doing?

  7. Dr. Cherry
    Posted February 7, 2007 at 12:24 pm | Permalink

    maybe they stole the idea from Jerry Garcia.

  8. briancors
    Posted February 7, 2007 at 2:26 pm | Permalink


    Now I don’t need to eat lunch!
    Thank you, Mark Maynard Weight Loss Program!
    [raises fist into the air]


  9. UBU
    Posted February 7, 2007 at 6:28 pm | Permalink

    Mark, I’m always willing to give you the finger!

  10. Dr. Cherry
    Posted February 7, 2007 at 7:29 pm | Permalink

    I hate to ruin the fun but did anyone else notice the publish date of this biting article? Does 20050401 ring any bells?

    If you need real proof here’s the admission.

  11. mark
    Posted February 7, 2007 at 9:31 pm | Permalink

    Cherry, you son-of-a-bitch! Why’d you have to go and ruin all of our fun?

  12. mark
    Posted February 7, 2007 at 9:37 pm | Permalink

    I wonder if anyone read that piece and tried it? The thought that maybe someone did makes me think the article is brilliant.

  13. stevarino
    Posted February 7, 2007 at 10:31 pm | Permalink

    Mark, for ten dollars, will you bite off my head? Maybe I could just bite it off myself and mail it to you? Thanks so much.

  14. mark
    Posted February 7, 2007 at 11:00 pm | Permalink

    Irregardless of whether or not the story was fake, I WILL be biting off fingers at the Corner Brewery come Saturday.

  15. frenchfries
    Posted February 7, 2007 at 11:29 pm | Permalink

    Anti-non-non-irrerereregardlesslessless of all that……could they jam?

    If they could play like him, maybe it’s worth it.

  16. Collin
    Posted February 9, 2007 at 6:46 pm | Permalink

    April Fools, huh? Well, crap. Excellent job on it though.

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