derailed by brett

There was a ton of stuff that I wanted to write about tonight. I went to the brewery, thinking that I could write there. But, I ran into Brett and that was that…

I’ve never turned my blog over to anyone else before, but I’m going to get another beer now, and I’m turning the controls over to Brett. The next voice you hear will be Brett’s, uncensored… Ladies and gentleman, I give you Brett Schutzman:

Hello. Please put yourself in my position. Mr. Maynard drunkenly spins his apple about and explains that you can comment on his blog, inside of an actual post, for as long as it takes him to refill his beer.

Daunting, eh? What do you say?

I had considered looking up and then posting the lyrics to the NWA song, “Fuc…

Oh, wait, he’s back. Nevermind. As you were. Glad to have had this opportunity.

And here, to complete Brett’s thought, is a link to NWA’s “Fuck the Police,” not that I agree with his sentiment…

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  1. ol' e cross
    Posted January 28, 2007 at 9:39 pm | Permalink

    I too ran into Mr. Shutzman at the brewery one night (in the luxurious outdoor smoking arena). I nodded, as I past, as if to say, “I’ve seen your photo on the Internet.” He nodded back, as if to say, “You must have seen my photo on the Internet.”

    If only he’d said “hello stranger,” I would have surrendered myself to him behind the virgin pines.

    Apparently, Mr. Shutzman habitually stammers during these critical moments, when opportunity briefly buzzes at the bell.

  2. schutzman
    Posted January 28, 2007 at 11:41 pm | Permalink


    Patently absurd, I say!

    Any truly decent member of the community will attest to my whereabouts during the period in question, and to be forced to recount such troubles me, frankly.

    But, apparently, I must.

    This afternoon was spent at my bible study meeting, which went long due to a rather lengthly disagreement involving the lineage of Ezekiel, brought about by an off-handed comment regarding the definition of “Laying with” raised by Ms. Richardson.

    Following this, I supped at a potluck held by the local Minuteman group, which spent more time discussing the sinister nature of maple leaves than I personally felt comfortable with.

    At that point, I retired to my homestead, where my wife had recently returned from an eight-hour quilting bee sponsored by the D.A.R.

    Together, we sat upon hard-backed chairs and contemplated the inherent beauty of our large, and if it is not un-Christian to say so, admirable collection of works by Thomas Kincade.

    There, transfixed by the ‘painter of light’, I was interrupted from my bliss by a telephone message informing me of the dubious claims, which, if you are reading this comment, you are no doubt familiar with.

    I am not surprised that Mr. Maynard would, himself, frequent a business which advocates infanticide, in addition to the procurement of spirits, but that he would make such an assertion that I, THE moral pillar of this community, would similarly partake of such sin, is frankly beyond the limit of my patience.

    To further suggest that I might also advocate a bizarre and savage philosophy, which includes the sentiment- to use the vernacular- “Thinkin every nigga is sellin narcotics”, is absolutely beyond the scope of my comprehension.

    My honest hope is that God might have pity on his soul, but I seriously doubt that even His patience is so vast.


  3. Dr. Cherry
    Posted January 29, 2007 at 10:09 am | Permalink

    Are you sure it was the Schutzman? I ask because there’s a very clever impostor floating around claiming all kinds of historical impossibilities.

  4. mark
    Posted January 29, 2007 at 8:32 pm | Permalink

    On second thought, it might have been James Man. I can’t keep my local historians straight.

    Whoever it was, I had to edit his post slightly. His original comment credited “Fuck the Police” to Julie Andrews.

  5. Posted February 16, 2010 at 8:05 am | Permalink

    I need to make contact with Brett Schutzman because he has a photo I might like to use on a website. Please contact me. Thanks.

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