please remove the pin from neck of the voodoo doll

I spent today laying prostrate on the living room floor, yelling out in excruciating pain. It was my neck. Every time I moved my head even a fraction of an inch, it felt like someone was twisting my spinal cord with a pair of rusty pliers. (Clementine heard more profanity this morning, in the time it took Linette to get her dressed and out the door, than she’s heard her entire life up to this point.) I laid in the same spot for about 6 hours, with the television remote in my hand and my teeth clenched tight. Half that time was spent watching “Ghost,” which was the only thing worth watching on any of the ten stations we get. As always, it made me weep like a teenage girl. It was absolutely pathetic. (If someone had been here to tape it, it would have made a brilliant addition to the YouTube repository.) At any rate, that’s why there’s no real post this evening. If you’re looking for something interesting to do, I recommend my pal Leighton’s site. He got all kinds of cool stuff, like recordings of filthy truckers being offensive and pictures from his goodwill mission to the other Ypsilanti. I’m going back into the tub now.

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14 Comments

  1. ol' e cross
    Posted December 11, 2006 at 10:13 am | Permalink

    If I had to guess at the source of the pain, it’d be that your ypsipanties are getting a little tight.

  2. Ted Glass
    Posted December 11, 2006 at 10:45 am | Permalink

    If you’re driving a car, you should pull over immediately. I have it on good authority that your eyeballs are about to be plucked out and your testicles stomped on.

  3. ChelseaL
    Posted December 11, 2006 at 5:37 pm | Permalink

    How are you feeling today?

  4. mike_1630
    Posted December 11, 2006 at 6:53 pm | Permalink

    my God… that sounds terrible.

  5. mark
    Posted December 11, 2006 at 9:08 pm | Permalink

    Thanks for asking.

    I am alive. It hurts a bit, but it’s not nearly as bad as it was yesterday. Best of all, it didn’t stop me from putting in a full day’s work at the mill, so I got a full meal ration. (Yesterday I had to lick mossy rocks.)

  6. sylwill
    Posted December 11, 2006 at 9:18 pm | Permalink

    Hey Mark

    Maybe I missed a post to learn why you are in so much pain. But, I hope it dissipates fast and without any lingering effects.

    Best Wishes from Bald’more (or Baltimore)
    – sylvie

  7. mark
    Posted December 11, 2006 at 9:25 pm | Permalink

    I never said how it happened. I’m actually not sure. I may have just slept in some weird pose, or it may have something to do with the almost car accident I had on Saturday. Someone pulled out in front of me and I slammed on my brakes. Fortunately, I missed them, but I think it may have fucked my neck up. It didn’t occur to me until late last night, but it makes sense. I jerked forward pretty hard against my seat belt, and everything went flying off the seat next to me… Anyway, it’s much better today.

  8. mark
    Posted December 11, 2006 at 9:26 pm | Permalink

    Linette and I almost lived in Baltimore. We love that town.

  9. It's Skinner Again
    Posted December 11, 2006 at 9:52 pm | Permalink

    I’m glad to hear that you’re feeling better. Do you think the Ypsipanties cured you? This could be a new sales pitch.

    What profanities did you yell?

  10. mark
    Posted December 11, 2006 at 10:04 pm | Permalink

    I’d rather not say what the profanities were…. And, yes, I started feeling better the moment I touched the hem of a wondering prophet’s ypsipanty.

  11. sylwill
    Posted December 12, 2006 at 10:08 am | Permalink

    Baltimore is cool. Definitely like it better than Detoit, but then again, I didn’t spend much time out of AA. We’re getting to see a lot of history here. If you guys ever head out this way, let me know.

  12. mark
    Posted December 12, 2006 at 8:47 pm | Permalink

    I’m sure we’ll be that way again before too long. I can’t stay away from the Visionary Art Museum for more than a couple years at a time.

  13. sylwill
    Posted December 13, 2006 at 8:58 pm | Permalink

    You have my email. Let me know and you might even have a place to stay :-D

  14. mark
    Posted December 13, 2006 at 9:06 pm | Permalink

    As I’m terrified of strangers, it’s unlikely that I will take you up on the offer, but it’s very nice of you to have made it. Thank you.

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