world trade organization calls for “compassionate slavery” at wharton

Well, it looks as though our friends The Yes Men, have struck again, delivering yet another brilliant piece of WTO impersonation. Here’s an excerpt from their press release:

At a Wharton Business School conference on business in Africa, World Trade Organization representative Hanniford Schmidt announced the creation of a WTO initiative for “full private stewardry of labor” for the parts of Africa that have been hardest hit by the 500 years of Africa’s free trade with the West.

The initiative will require Western companies doing business in some parts of Africa to own their workers outright. Schmidt recounted how private stewardship has been successfully applied to transport, power, water, traditional knowledge, and even the human genome. The WTO’s “full private stewardry” program will extend these successes to (re)privatize humans themselves.

“Full, untrammelled stewardry is the best available solution to African poverty, and the inevitable result of free-market theory,” Schmidt told more than 150 attendees. Schmidt acknowledged that the stewardry program was similar in many ways to slavery, but explained that just as “compassionate conservatism” has polished the rough edges on labor relations in industrialized countries, full stewardry, or “compassionate slavery,” could be a similar boon to developing ones….

A system in which corporations own workers is the only free-market solution to African poverty, Schmidt said. “Today, in African factories, the only concern a company has for the worker is for his or her productive hours, and within his or her productive years,” he said. “As soon as AIDS or pregnancy hits–out the door. Get sick, get fired. If you extend the employer’s obligation to a 24/7, lifelong concern, you have an entirely different situation: get sick, get care. With each life valuable from start to finish, the AIDS scourge will be quickly contained via accords with drug manufacturers as a
profitable investment in human stewardees. And educating a child for later might make more sense than working it to the bone right now.”

To prove that human stewardry can work, Schmidt cited a proposal by a free-market think tank to save whales by selling them. “Those who don’t like whaling can purchase rights to specific whales or groups of whales in order to stop those particular whales from getting whaled as much,” he explained. Similarly, the market in Third-World humans will “empower” caring First Worlders to help them, Schmidt said….

“This is what free trade’s all about,” said Schmidt. “It’s about the freedom to buy and sell anything–even people.”

As is usually the case with their seemingly-over-the-top pranks, the people attending the conference didn’t object in the least to what was being presented. The idea of slavery, it seems, was perfectly palatable in the context for free market capitalism.

[observation: If Johnathan Swift were alive today, people would be buying Modest Proposal cookbooks.]