irrefutable evidence that men and women coexisted with dinosaurs

This is delicate… I’m not quite sure how to broach this subject… I’ve brought up “adult” themes in the past (usually in service of some stupid story about finding porn in my yard or some such thing), but I’ve never linked to actual images of hardcore smut. Well, I’m about to break that rule, but, in my defense, I think I have a damned good reason. Hopefully you’ll agree. (And, if you don’t, please don’t follow the next link.)

Let me preface this by stating that porn isn’t something I’m particularly fond of. I recognize the fact that it’s often appealing to our reptilian brain, but I don’t see much merit in it outside of that. For the most part, the thought of people being poked by wieners on video just makes me feel kind of sad. While I feel as though consenting adults should be allowed to do whatever they like, for the most part, I think that graphic depictions of such activities are, generally speaking, a destructive force. (Like alcohol and any number of other things.) Anyway, it’s with some hesitation that I link to this tonight, but I don’t see how I could let it just pass without mention.

A reader in the Goota region of El Salvador has just alerted me to the existence of PTERODACTYL PORN! (warning: that link is very much NSFW)

As many of you know, I’m a bit obsessed by pterodactyls. Ever since I had that breakthrough moment a few years ago when I realized that it wasn’t a dove but a pterodactyl that delivered the olive branch to Noah (thus proving the assertion of Christian fundamentalists that humans coexisted with dinosaurs), I haven’t been able to stay away from them. They just keep popping up… And, now, they’re “popping up” in a really spectacular way.

I don’t know the history of this clip, and I haven’t yet watched it with the volume turned up, but I think it proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that man (or at least one woman) coexisted with dinosaurs (thereby disproving evolution).

In related news, I just learned today that Dick DeVos, the Republican candidate for governor of Michigan, believes that Intelligent Design should be taught in schools. (Link via Leighton) And, for those of you who don’t already know about Dick, when he’s not daydreaming about pterodactyls and nubile young maidens in the Garden of Eden, he’s tricking hapless rubes into selling Amway. (I’ll take porn and science over stupidity and network marketing scams any day.)

Back to the video clip, if anyone knows the context within which this film was made, please let me know. I doubt it very seriously, but I’d be interested to know whether the auteur who produced it was trying to make a statement about Biblical literalism. (I suppose the woman featured could be Eve, but I’ve never seen her portrayed as a blonde before.)

update: It occurs to me now just how stupid it must sound for me to say that I don’t think the woman shown in the clip is Eve “because she’s blond”… There she is being made love to by a gaggle of well-endowed pterodactyls, and I say that I don’t think she could be Eve because of her hair color… I think that’s funny.

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30 Comments

  1. mark
    Posted September 25, 2006 at 10:57 pm | Permalink

    I apologize to all of you who thought that I was better than this.

    I apparently am not.

  2. gina cochina
    Posted September 25, 2006 at 11:40 pm | Permalink

    Buenos noches from El Salvador!

    You should not be hesitant to post this. The pterodactyls are just bringing the word of God to that blonde, in the same manner that they once brought it to Noah–orally, anally, and vaginally.

  3. Hillary
    Posted September 25, 2006 at 11:47 pm | Permalink

    The way the pterodactyls flap their wings is the best.

    I take it you missed the Dirty Show last weekend?

    http://images.hamtramckstar.com/albums/Detroit/2006_09_25/dscf8963.jpg

  4. danandkitty
    Posted September 25, 2006 at 11:48 pm | Permalink

    The world would probably be a better place with more pterodactyl porn.

  5. mark
    Posted September 26, 2006 at 12:18 am | Permalink

    Hilarious, Hillary. No, I wasn’t there. Sorry now that I missed it. Can I run the image here on MM.com?

    And, yes, the frenzied wing-flapping is the high point. I just wish we could have heard the director yelling, “flap, flap” in the background.

    Once you bite that apple, it’s all downhill… It’s a slippery slope from Eden to dinosaur fucking.

  6. be OH be
    Posted September 26, 2006 at 8:17 am | Permalink

    I’m guessing that Adam was holding the camera? Or do you think he had his own tryst with a pack of velociraptors?

  7. ol' e cross
    Posted September 26, 2006 at 9:11 am | Permalink

    Actually Mark, it

  8. Tony Buttons Esq.
    Posted September 26, 2006 at 10:20 am | Permalink

    How many virgin pterodactyls do I get if I’m a Christian? I think it’s 72 if go with the Muslims. I don’t see how the Christians could match that.

  9. Jack
    Posted September 26, 2006 at 11:53 am | Permalink

    That is without a doubt one of the strangest things I’ve ever seen. I mean, at least donkeys are mammals. I wonder if there is a pterodactyl show in Tiajuana?

  10. ol' e cross
    Posted September 26, 2006 at 12:45 pm | Permalink

    Tony, way more than 72, as many as you can handle. Catch is, they won’t be strictly “yours” as everything will be shared in common.

    I know what you’re thinking, then how can they be virgin pterodactyls, but in heaven nothing is ever lost.

  11. dorothy
    Posted September 26, 2006 at 1:09 pm | Permalink

    OMG! i think my eyes are bleeding. eeeuw! seriously, where IS adam?

  12. egpenet
    Posted September 26, 2006 at 7:00 pm | Permalink

    This puts a whole new slant on the myth of Leda & the Swan!

    Actually, it’s more like Persephone & Hades.

    Didn’t watch the film … but I’m not sorry I mythed it.

  13. mark
    Posted September 26, 2006 at 7:02 pm | Permalink

    I feel just terrible that you had to see that, Dorothy. I wouldn’t blame you, and all of my other octogenarian readers, if you left and never came back again.

    Please forgive me.

  14. mark
    Posted September 26, 2006 at 11:33 pm | Permalink

    Brilliant coments all around. This is my new favorite thread. Thank you.

  15. terrygilmer
    Posted September 27, 2006 at 7:38 am | Permalink

    Blondes have been around since prehistoric times. Haven’t you people seen Land Of The Lost? I bet Holly totally got it on with the Sleestak.

  16. schutzman
    Posted September 27, 2006 at 10:19 am | Permalink

    “I

  17. Ted Glass
    Posted September 27, 2006 at 11:48 am | Permalink

    The “eel cleansing” ritual is taken very seriously in Japan, and I’m sure they wouldn’t appreciate your calling it “smut,” Mr. Schutzman. As for Mr. Maynard, I believe he went to great lengths to report the facts as they were in that instance, without sensationalizing them. If he’s at fault at all, it’s for overestimating the capacity of his audience to accept the cultures and practices of non-Western individuals.

    Please take you zenophobic hate-mongering elsewhere!

    And “bravo” to everyone out there right now, packing their rectums with cod in solidarity.

  18. mark
    Posted September 28, 2006 at 12:04 am | Permalink

    Land of the Lost porn would be HUGE!

    And, Brett, you got me. I’d somehow totally forgotten about the eels.

    “MM.com – it’s like packing your rectum with cod.” It has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?

  19. It's Skinner Again
    Posted September 28, 2006 at 1:29 pm | Permalink

    For someone who “isn’t particularly fond of porn” you do seem to return to it again and again. Curious.

    Is it an “eel cleansing” ritual? I don’t think the eels are cleansed, exactly. Perhaps “eel flavoring” is more accurate?

  20. dorothy
    Posted September 28, 2006 at 5:10 pm | Permalink

    no apology necessary, mark. it’s just that that was about the worst porn i’ve ever seen. where were the production values? the special effects? the dirty dialogue? surely they can do better than that. even the gay porn pop-ups that keep showing up every now and then are slicker (no pun intended.)
    oh christ! speaking of porn—my grandson must have changed my cursor into dubya’s head while he was playing with my computer. now i have to figure out how to get rid of it.

  21. Jack
    Posted September 28, 2006 at 11:27 pm | Permalink

    If you’re using XP click on:
    Start>Control Panel>Mouse
    Once that dialog box opens up select the pointer tab. From there you can select the Window default scheme or browse the individual pointer icon you want.
    Maybe we can find an Al Gore pointer somewhere.

  22. dorothy
    Posted September 29, 2006 at 6:03 am | Permalink

    thanks jack. i managed to get rid of dubya’s head. talk about porn! that was enough to kill my appetite for a week.

  23. chris
    Posted September 29, 2006 at 8:37 pm | Permalink

    Hey everybody,

    I’ll tell you who is definitely not hiding under one of those pterydactyl masks…it sure ain’t Florida GOP Representative Mark Foley. Unless, of course, later the one pentrates the other from behind and the other is, in fact, a juvenile male pterodactyl. And I cannot believe that I know how to spell pterodactyl.

    I am telling you, the conservative Republican movement has made homosexuality so forbidden that they just can’t help but WANT to do it. Of course, there is the pedophilia aspect but that is just to icky.

    Missed you all.

  24. mark
    Posted September 30, 2006 at 9:07 am | Permalink

    “Yay, she’s alive!”

    Welcome home, Chris!

    And I think you’re wrong abut Foley. He’s “Family Values” all the way.

    (That was sarcasm, by the way.)

  25. Posted July 28, 2007 at 2:23 am | Permalink

    your mom comes… over every night. tell her she is fantastic!

  26. Courtney Love
    Posted July 28, 2007 at 8:01 pm | Permalink

    You’ve always been the master of the zinger, pteribyl Ted.

  27. Posted October 19, 2009 at 10:44 pm | Permalink

    This thread should have had a million comments!

  28. Me
    Posted October 20, 2009 at 12:48 am | Permalink

    Mark, have you ever seen the porn movie with the “Iceman”? It came out about the time of the Iceman movie with Tim Hutton.
    The Iceman melts and gets a really fantastic blowjob from a female researcher.
    Could we please get some Australopithecus porn here on MM.com? Just for the evolutionists among us.

  29. Posted October 20, 2009 at 5:40 am | Permalink

    Was it by any chance called The Iceman Cometh?

  30. Rürup Rete Vergleich
    Posted December 26, 2010 at 1:31 pm | Permalink

    They’re building a new Noah’s Ark themed amusement park in Kentucky, next to the Creationist museum. It’ll be interesting to see if they include dinosaurs on the Ark.

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