the dirt is cool

I predict that within 50 years, due to the intolerable heat on the surface of the Earth, all humans will live, Morlock-like, thousands of feet below the surface of the planet, where they will sustain themselves by sucking lichens from rocks between feasts of canibalism… Attached is an image that I just brought back from the future.

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  1. mark
    Posted August 2, 2006 at 1:01 am | Permalink

    I can’t sleep in this fucking heat.

  2. Anonymous
    Posted August 2, 2006 at 3:51 am | Permalink

    Drag a mattress down into the basement and pretend it’s 2056.

  3. Tony Buttons Esq.
    Posted August 2, 2006 at 10:15 am | Permalink

    If that’s what porn is going to look like in the future, I think I’ll stay here, thank you very much.

  4. Kathleen
    Posted August 2, 2006 at 10:39 am | Permalink

    I slept in the living room last night directly under my brand new air conditioner. I was liking being a Luddite, but am so glad I gave in and bought one.

  5. dorothy
    Posted August 2, 2006 at 12:43 pm | Permalink

    i never had air conditioning in my life until this summer. i too enjoyed being a luddite but have to say i am really enjoying the ac. it used to be a point of honor to suffer thru the hottest weather without complaining—not anymore!

  6. Shanster
    Posted August 2, 2006 at 1:07 pm | Permalink

    I quietly and patiently suffer through the winter months of nasty cold, slush, and biting wind, so I feel entitled to gripe and moan all summer. I thought hellfire and brimstone would come on more suddenly, but it seems it’s just taking us degree by degree, like a demonic kaizen.

  7. Ted Glass
    Posted August 2, 2006 at 1:22 pm | Permalink

    Those aren’t humans, and you didn’t travel into the future. Oh, no. If I’m not mistaken, that’s Richard Gere’s colon, and, while I can’t be positive, I’d say that the year was 1989. (I’m looking at the stratification of the sediment packing the walls.)

  8. It's Skinner Again
    Posted August 2, 2006 at 9:50 pm | Permalink

    Perhaps you can set up a Naked Mole Rat Fun Park at Ave Maria. Patrons can escape the heat by stripping down and burrowing through nice cool dirt tunnels.

    The heat is horrible here in Manhattan, horrible horrible.

  9. kez
    Posted August 6, 2006 at 11:49 pm | Permalink

    you know who invented “air-conditioning” don’t you… vice-president al gore, that’s who.

  10. Ted Glass
    Posted August 8, 2006 at 8:44 am | Permalink

    We already have a place where people can “escape the heat by stripping down” Doug. It’s called Deja Vu, and it’s on Washington Street, just one block north of Michigan Avenue.

  11. mark
    Posted August 9, 2006 at 9:44 pm | Permalink

    Thanks for nothing, Ted. On your recommendation, I went and tried it last week… To make a long story short, I was half way across the stage, and I’d just tossed my shirt into the audience, when I got stun-gunned.

  12. It's Skinner Again
    Posted August 10, 2006 at 11:07 am | Permalink

    I live in Manhattan, so I’m unfamiliar with Deja Vu. Is that where Ypsians go to stun-gun middle-aged male strippers? Here, all the mom and pop businesses are being crowded out by franchises.

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