life in the public eye

I just spent the last few hours at a neighborhood association meeting. I won’t bore you with all the details (a great deal of which revolved around whether or not our dogs should dress as pirates in an upcoming parade), but I did want to mention that the Communications Committee, unbeknownst to me, had drafted up a neighborhood website which, among other things, intertwines RSS feeds from The New York Times and So, right there on the front page of this new site thata everyone was looking at, amid all the headlines concerning yesterday’s spectacular terrorism bust in England, was the beginning of my post on our friend Cayge winning some kind of gay “wet underwear” contest. Linette, I think, would have been mortified, but she was home putting Clementine to sleep. I was just thankful that that I hadn’t been as descriptive as I could have been… And now, as I sit here contemplating tonight’s post, it occurs to me that I probably shouldn’t pursue this note I scrawled out earlier on an idea for a novel, writtten from the perspective of an middle-aged woman, entitled, “On Being Told Years Later that I’d Lost My Virginity to a Whizzinator.” (I suspect that the RSS feed will not last.)

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  1. Tony Buttons Esq.
    Posted August 11, 2006 at 8:58 am | Permalink

    How about a regular feature where you ‘out’ ball-shaving neighbors?

  2. egpenet
    Posted August 11, 2006 at 9:30 am | Permalink

    Werll … we’ve been screaming for weeks, Mark, for more transparency … in government, yes … and the price we pay is a loss of our own personal privacy. If it’s on the blog, well, it’s not private any more.

    How’bout when one neighbor begins to post digital images/video of another neighbor shot through the kitchen window opening their UPS package weith glee to examine their new Whizzonator … or partaking from their freshly arrived giant-size jug of Professional Viagra!

    Puts a new slant on “Who is thy neighbor.”

    By the ay, you still haven’t scanned down to show the price for the Valium or the Oxy. Please? Thanks.

  3. ol' e cross
    Posted August 11, 2006 at 2:46 pm | Permalink

    You’re already number four on a google search for “ball shaver.” (Which is nicely summarized as “Mark Maynard – the ball shaver speaks”)

    In a week or two, you should make the top ten for whizzinator, too.

    Which really means that soon, I won’t be able to explore any of my “hobbies” without your name appearing front and center.

    Talk about an intrusion into one’s private life.

  4. mark
    Posted August 11, 2006 at 11:17 pm | Permalink

    Sorry, Ed, but I tossed that spam away after taking the screen-capture you see here… If you’re really interested in the price of Oxy though, here’s a number to call: 1-800-282-2882. Just ask for Rush.

  5. mark
    Posted August 11, 2006 at 11:21 pm | Permalink

    Shit, you weren’t kidding, OEC. That’s fucking amazing. Maybe I’ll put an ad up on the front page and try to make some money.

    Mark Maynard dotcom: Ball Shavers to Whizzinators.

    It’s got a nice ring to it.

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