OK, it struck me this afternoon that some of you might be thinking that the “ball-shaving Brian” I mentioned in my hastily-written post last night was either City Council member Brian Filipiak or City Council hopeful Brian Robb. I had this sudden flash of fear when it occurred to me, as I was eating lunch, that at least a hundred people had seen me speaking at with both Brians while standing at the bar… Well, hopefully this clarification comes before any irreparable damage has been done to either man’s political career.
For the record, the Brian that I was referring to, the one who loudly announced to me that his balls were as smooth and shiny as level 5 hikaru dorodangos, is not involved in local politics… I’m even going to post a photo of him here, in hopes that it might set your minds at ease. (It occurred to me that it might be fun to post photos of the three Brians I was speaking to last night and ask you all to guess which one felt it necessary to regale me with graphic stories of testicular deforestation, but I thought that there was a fairly good chance that one or both of the other Brians wouldn’t find it too funny.)
I don’t know how to contact Brian #3, but I’m thinking that I might ask him to formally debate the issue with me sometime this summer. I know it would make a great podcast (especially if we could figure out a way to take calls).
(A more in-depth analysis of my great disdain for ball-shavers can be found in earlier threads on this subject.)
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Hahaha, poor Brian. I think a formal debate is a great idea, complete with compare and contrast demonstrations, perhaps?
(Ps. if he doesn’t comment here himself, I’ll pass on his contact details…)
And, if anyone doubts the veracity of what I’m saying, just ask Matt. He was there for at least half an hour of the pro-shaving rant… I believe Matt even heard the part about the “gerbil-looking” tuft of hair that he (Brian) routinely has to remove from his drain.
And it was very nice meeting you, Matt. I look forward to having many a pint at the Corner Brewery with you in the future.
Oh, I almost forgot… As coincidence would have it, it turns out that ball-shaving Brian once lived in the very apartment that Matt lives in now. When I put two and two together and suggested to Matt that Brian had most likely shaved his balls in the very shower where Matt and his wife/girlfriend now bathe, I think I might have gone too far.
I’m horrified by these events and I would invite anyone else out there who shares my name and disgust to join our organization:
Brians Against Lewd Discussions in Pubs About Lower Man Shaving.
Can someone help me to flesh out the acronym: PUBE-B-GONE?
I’ve been working on it for the past 20 minutes and I can’t seem to crack it.