see dick implode

According to knowledgeable sources, Scooter Libby, at least metaphorically speaking, has jammed a razor-sharp shiv between the ribs of his former master, Dick Cheney, and given it a good twist. Yes, word on the street is that he’s told Patrick Fitzgerald’s grand jury that it was Cheney that had given the order to blow the cover of Valerie Plame. Pondering the likelihood of a formal criminal investigation into his role, Cheney then did what any sociopath would do – he pulled out a gun and shot the closest person he could find in the face… Could it be that the end of the Bush era is finally upon us? Let’s hope we’ve all learned something from the experience.

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  1. danandkitty
    Posted February 13, 2006 at 1:25 am | Permalink

    When I first read this…
    “Cheney’s spokeswoman, Lea Anne McBride, said the vice president was with Whittington, a lawyer from Austin, Texas, and his wife at the hospital on Sunday afternoon.”

    I assumed that Cheney had his lawyer at the hospital… Now I realize that he shot his lawyer with buckshot.

  2. Theodore Glass
    Posted February 13, 2006 at 9:03 am | Permalink

    Now if only he could do it again.

    (Sorry, that was a bad joke and I didn’t mean it.)

  3. Tony Buttons Esq.
    Posted February 13, 2006 at 11:41 am | Permalink

    Right before pulling the trigger he was heard saying, “You know Spider, you’re a fuckin’ mumbling stuttering little prick. You know that?

  4. mark
    Posted February 13, 2006 at 7:25 pm | Permalink

    I didn’t know when I first posted the story last night, but apparently 18 hours passed between the shooting and notification of authorities. (And the only reason the told authorities then was because the owner of the land had told the press.) One wonders if perhaps it might have had something to do with alcohol in Cheney’s system.

  5. It's Skinner Again
    Posted February 13, 2006 at 8:51 pm | Permalink

    I too wondered if Cheney was drunk; he hasn’t been arrested for DWI since 1963, though, so maybe not.

  6. chris
    Posted February 13, 2006 at 9:37 pm | Permalink

    OK, either which way he comes out of this looking really bad. No wonder his last hunting required the game to be caged. Unless of course this trip he was hunting an unusaul breed of pheasant that can only fly a maximum altitude of approximately six feet…or they had their wings clipped.

    Man, what a pussy. Its like my grandfather always said…some men should just not hunt, or wait maybe he just said “fag” (he was kind of an asshole). Thank god he never served active duty in the military…he would of been one for the other side picking off our guys in friendly fire unless he shot himself inn the foot first.

    Can’t wait to watch Stewert tonight.

  7. be OH be
    Posted February 13, 2006 at 10:12 pm | Permalink

    Skinner, regardless of Dick’s chemical makeup at the time of the incident I was thinking that he wanted to wait and make sure the victim would actually pull through.

    If he hadn’t, my guess is that this incident would’ve never seen the light of day and the wife would’ve been told that he had had a heart attack.

    Did anyone catch the quote from one of the other hunters about how everyone gets “peppered” now and then on these trips? How could you possibly look forward to hanging with this group?

  8. mark
    Posted February 13, 2006 at 10:51 pm | Permalink

    Lots of hunters are commenting and the consensus seems to be that it doesn

  9. chris
    Posted February 14, 2006 at 9:25 am | Permalink

    Guns don’t kill people…Vice Presidents do…crazy, wild-eyed, questionably sane, megalomaniacal vice presidents.

  10. Shanster
    Posted February 14, 2006 at 1:34 pm | Permalink

    Well, if he resigns, and your previous post about the eerie similarities of Bush and Nixon proves more prophetic than even you could have imagined, we will be looking at the ascendency of John Boehner of Ohio to replace VP Cheney, then to replace Bush, granting him a full pardon for any crimes he may have committed.

  11. be OH be
    Posted February 14, 2006 at 4:25 pm | Permalink

    I guess they had to tell the wife he had a heart attack anyway.

  12. mark
    Posted February 14, 2006 at 5:52 pm | Permalink

    Yeah, how fucking amazing is that? (I just posted something little about it on the front page.) Here they’re saying that it’s nothing and the guy’s heart stops as a result of the damage. That doesn’t sound like it was nothing… They were making it sound like his wounds were like bee stings last night.

  13. mark
    Posted February 20, 2006 at 12:18 am | Permalink

    And, of course, we’ve since come to learn that he was in fact drinking before the shooting… Unfortunately, however, too much time has now passed to know whether or not that he was officially impaired.

  14. Ted Glass
    Posted February 20, 2006 at 2:09 pm | Permalink


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