britney spears kills sperm dead

I’ve been at this blogging thing long enough now that I’m rarely surprised by what I find when I delve into the old webstats program and scan the list of terms people have used to find their way here. Today, however, I saw something that stopped me dead in my tracks for about a full minute. There, amid all the expected phrases like “how do I shave my balls” and “dumbass with OCD” was something that I’d never seen before — “britney spears parfum harmful to sperms.”

I’m imagining that there’s a neurotic young frenchman somewhere who, having been sprayed with Britney’s “Curious” scent while making his way through a mall, is now researching all the possible ramifications it could have n his “vital essence.” (He’s probably one of those OCD dumbasses.)

I can imagine him now, curled up into the fetal position at the base of a parfum counter yelling, “My sperms!”

(note: All of the search terms shown here came within a one-hour window today.)

It hadn’t occurred to me until just this moment, but I suppose it’s also possible that the search was initiated by someone who was hoping that Britney’s skanky scent could by used post-coitally to prevent pregnancy, like an aerosolized RU496. (I guess it’s good to have a fallback, in case you can’t find a bottle of Coke.)

(note: Because I’ve wasted all my time tonight searching different permutations “sperm + curious”, you won’t be reading about Tom “The Hammer” Delay and the fact that, in the wake of the corruption charges that cost him his position as House Majority Leader, he’s been able to bounce back with appointments to both the House Appropriations Committee and the House subcommittee overseeing the Justice Department, “which is currently investigating (the) influence-peddling scandal involving disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff and his dealings with lawmakers.” (Clearly he’s a man that Republicans feel they can trust when it comes to money and ethics.) Oh, and you also won’t be reading about Delay’s replacement as Majority Leader, Congressman John Boehner, and the fact that he, the man who is supposed to restore the credibility of the Republicans in Congress, is presently living in an apartment owned by a lobbyist, and once distributed cash payments from the tobacco lobby to members of his party on the floor of the House. (And you also won’t be hearing about his support of Intelligent Design.) Sorry, but I’ve got my priorities.)

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4 Comments

  1. Theodore Glass
    Posted February 10, 2006 at 10:25 am | Permalink

    I’ve been told that White Diamonds, the scent peddled by Elizabeth Taylor, prevents diaper rash and kills salmonella. I spray it on my eggs, and my grandson’s ass.

  2. Tony Buttons Esq.
    Posted February 10, 2006 at 12:26 pm | Permalink

    Ok, I’m getting nervous… I put a few drops of “Curous” into a petri dish of semen and not only didn’t they die – they grew larger. Almost two hours have passed now, and it looks as though the size of the sperms has tripled. And they’re becoming more ferocious. The scientist in me wants to see what happens, but I’m thinking that I should toss them in the microwave and try to kill them before they become uncontrollable.

  3. mark
    Posted February 12, 2006 at 4:20 pm | Permalink

    So, what happened, Tony? I hope that your not at a hospital somewhere getting your stomach pumped like Rod Stewart.

  4. mark
    Posted February 13, 2006 at 7:27 pm | Permalink

    Tony?

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