on chris penn, pork soup and the douglas skinner’s offer to help

I was going to write about the untimely death of Chris Penn, the politics of pork soup and the shamelessness of Rick Santorum tonight (I had an idea as to how I could work them all together), but instead I’ve been sucked into a financial black hole from which there seems t be no escape. (It’s funny what can happen when a bank teller inadvertently transfers your funds into the wrong account… Funny probably isn’t the right word though… unless, of course, the people making decisions about your future based on your credit scores find the bouncing of mortgage checks to be hilarious.)

One thing I did want to mention, however, before jumping back into the morass of financial fuckedupednesss, is that Doug Skinner has indicated that he would be willing to address your questions again, in the upcoming issue of Crimewave. So, if you have questions for the talented Mr. Skinner, please send them in. No question is too foolish, no problem too hard… Here’s one to get the ball rolling: “How would you go about getting even with a bank employee that had just cost you hundreds of dollars and several hours of your life?”

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  1. dorothy
    Posted January 26, 2006 at 4:55 am | Permalink

    santorum makes me want to gag. he appeared at a local pro-life (read anti-choice)rally telling everyone how he managed to touch the heart of some poor girl and prevented her from having an abortion.such disgusting behavior belongs in a tent with tambourines and snakes. gaah!and he supposedly represents ME? WTF!

  2. Tony Buttons Esq.
    Posted January 26, 2006 at 8:34 am | Permalink

    Mr Skinner, I’m curious to know what George Bush would be doing at this very moment if he weren’t born into such a well-connected family.

    I would also like to know what advice you might have for a man looking to enter the international black market for human organs.

    I can, of course, wait for the publication of the magazine for the answers.

  3. Theodore Glass
    Posted January 26, 2006 at 1:54 pm | Permalink

    How do you know that dinosaurs didn’t roam the earth with men?

    What’s the single most important thing for a child to know?

    What do monkeys think of us?

    Where do you draw the line?

  4. schutzman
    Posted January 26, 2006 at 6:49 pm | Permalink

    Dear Mr. Skinner,

    I recently noticed that George Clooney guest-starred in a 1984 episode of the t.v. show “Riptide” entitled “Where the girls are”, playing a character named Lenny Colwell. Do you think it’s safe to assume that the sister of one of Mark’s friends somehow inspired Mr. Clooney to audition for the role?

    Thank you.

  5. mark
    Posted January 26, 2006 at 8:58 pm | Permalink

    Why is it so much more satisfying to kick a man when he’s down?

  6. schutzman
    Posted January 26, 2006 at 10:43 pm | Permalink

    I’m not sure. ask your bank teller.

  7. Anonymous
    Posted January 26, 2006 at 11:05 pm | Permalink

    Dear Doug Skinner,

    I am a 32 year old single mother of two boys. My oldest, Commander, will be 12 in April. Last week when I walked into his bedroom, I caught him stuffing cut-out pictures of newpaper underwear models under his mattress. Vous

  8. mark
    Posted January 27, 2006 at 6:56 am | Permalink

    Is shit eating the new ball shaving?

  9. Tony Buttons Esq.
    Posted January 27, 2006 at 11:00 am | Permalink

    You wanna buy some wood?


  10. Tony Buttons Esq.
    Posted January 27, 2006 at 11:10 am | Permalink

    In what has to be the strangest coincidence I’ve encountered thus far this year, it looks as though they’ve determined that Chris Penn died after eating pork soup laced with santorum (the mixture of fecal matter and lube, not the Senator by the same name).

  11. chris
    Posted January 27, 2006 at 8:33 pm | Permalink

    OK, I am not sure how the upcoming events will line up with respect to one another, but if I am not mistaken the needle on my “bullshit slinging-transparent ass raping-truth as concept only-you ain’t seen nothin’ yet watch this” meter is hovering between:

    they are going to start cannibalizing each other
    their public consumption of babies rife with teeth nashing and hand wringing

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