where are our bold thinkers like stalin today?

This just in from MM.com reader Brian Hunter….

The Soviet dictator Josef Stalin ordered the creation of Planet of the Apes-style warriors by crossing humans with apes, according to recently uncovered secret documents.

Moscow archives show that in the mid-1920s Russia’s top animal breeding scientist, Ilya Ivanov, was ordered to turn his skills from horse and animal work to the quest for a super-warrior.

According to Moscow newspapers, Stalin told the scientist: “I want a new invincible human being, insensitive to pain, resistant and indifferent about the quality of food they eat”…

(I know it sounds really terrifying, but this archival image that I found of a prototype creature really doesn’t look all that scarey, does it?)

What if, instead a nuclear arms race, the second World War had spawned a human-hybrid race? I wonder if we could have come up with something better than just plain gorilla-men, like giant gorilla-men with owl heads and octopus arms?

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6 Comments

  1. be OH be
    Posted December 21, 2005 at 8:28 am | Permalink

    I think our Patriot Griffins would’ve kicked some simian-rooskie ass.

    Conspiracy theorists will have a field day wondering how far Ivanov got in his research.

    When were the first bigfoot sightings?

  2. Tony Buttons Esq.
    Posted December 21, 2005 at 9:44 am | Permalink

    We’re attempting to do essentially the same thing now with technology and pharmaceuticals (minus the simian DNA). We’re transforming young men into killing machines that don’t require sleep, food, etc. (Just look at some of the initiatives that DARPA is funding if you don’t believe me.)

    As for human-animal hybrids, my money would be on the minotaurs.

  3. schutzman
    Posted December 21, 2005 at 10:56 am | Permalink

    If i were making a movie about it, I’d focus more on the interspecies love that must have occurred at this soviet ‘breeding’ facility. That snippet doesn’t say anything about gene splicing, test tubes, etc, so one would have to conclude Ivanov was just putting men and gorillas into stalls together, playing some soft music, and letting nature take its course.

  4. be OH be
    Posted December 21, 2005 at 12:21 pm | Permalink

    The second act of the movie would begin when the man and gorilla escape and flee through the countryside to find a safe haven where they can live out their forbidden lifestyle.

  5. Tony Buttons Esq.
    Posted December 21, 2005 at 12:44 pm | Permalink

    Brokeback Silverback Mountain

  6. Theodore Glass
    Posted December 21, 2005 at 3:55 pm | Permalink

    You can see the humanity in the creature’s eyes. That’s one of the saddest images I have ever seen.

    And you’re absolutely right, Brett – somewhere there must have been some hot human on beast action taking place. Given the shortage of men in Russia after WWII, however, my guess is that it was human women being seduced by male gorillas, not the other way around.

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