the war on christmas

Yesterday, on the floor of the US House of Representatives, during the debate over House Resolution 579, Michigan Congressman John Dingell took the floor and recited the following “holiday” poem. House Resolution 579, for those of you who haven’t been glued to the 24/7 FOX News coverage of “the war on Christmas“, seeks to “protect” the symbols and traditions of Christmas from the attack of the evil, secular left (who, we all know, want nothing more to destroy Christianity). It’s been pretty soundly debunked, but the Republicans have finally sunk their teeth into something they can hold on to, and they aren’t letting go. They’re whipping the delusional Christian nuts, who feel as though they’re a part of a persecuted minority, into a frenzy. So, with that as the background, Michigan Congressman John Dingell (one of the few people in our country who will be viewed positively 100 years from now, on the off chance that we make it that long) said the following.

‘Twas the week before Christmas and all through the House
No bills were passed ’bout which Fox News could grouse;

Tax cuts for the wealthy were passed with great cheer,
So vacations in St. Barts soon would be near;

Katrina kids were nestled all snug in motel beds,
While visions of school and home danced in their heads;

In Iraq our soldiers needed supplies and a plan,
Plus nuclear weapons were being built in Iran;

Gas prices shot up, consumer confidence fell;
Americans feared we were on a fast track to…well…

Wait— we need a distraction— something divisive and wily;
A fabrication straight from the mouth of O’Reilly

We can pretend that Christmas is under attack
Hold a vote to save it— then pat ourselves on the back;

Silent Night, First Noel, Away in the Manger
Wake up Congress, they’re in no danger!

This time of year we see Christmas every where we go,
From churches, to homes, to schools, and yes…even Costco;

What we have is an attempt to divide and destroy,
When this is the season to unite us with joy

At Christmas time we’re taught to unite,
We don’t need a made-up reason to fight

So on O’Reilly, on Hannity, on Coulter, and those right wing blogs;
You should just sit back, relax…have a few egg nogs!

‘Tis the holiday season: enjoy it a pinch
With all our real problems, do we honestly need another Grinch?

So to my friends and my colleagues I say with delight,
A merry Christmas to all,

and to Bill O’Reilly…Happy Holidays.

I don’t usually like stunts like this, especially ones that involve bad poetry, but on occasion I guess it’s the only way to break through the noise that surrounds us. I’m not sure what kind of play Dingell’s reworking of the famous Christmas poem has gotten in the corporate media, but my hope is that it’s being dissemenated and that it resonates with people… On an interesting side note, it’s probably worth mentioning that the Republican sponsors of the bill were approached by Jewish members of the House, asking if these protections that were being sought could be extended to Chanukah. They said no.

And, it’s probably also worth pointing out that while the Republicans are spending their time “defending” Christmas, the Democrats are working on meaningful legislation to do things like raise the minimum wage. And I ask you, what could be more Christian, in the true sense of the word, than that?

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5 Comments

  1. ChelseaL
    Posted December 15, 2005 at 5:09 pm | Permalink

    Hooray! Let the Dingell bells ring!

  2. Ken
    Posted December 15, 2005 at 8:29 pm | Permalink

    Yeah, but are they gonna let us put up a cr

  3. mark
    Posted December 15, 2005 at 8:47 pm | Permalink

    Illuminated plastic idols manufactured in China really do make the most meaningful tributes.

  4. Hillary
    Posted December 15, 2005 at 9:00 pm | Permalink

    Hamtramck gets mentioned all the time as proof of the “War on Christmas”. A journalist who lives in Italy lied and said that the noise ordinance here allows for the Muslim call to prayer, but not church bells. I invited some of the racists to take in the 4 sets of bells while on a tour of the Buddhist Zen Garden and Pope Park, but no takers so far.

  5. schutzman
    Posted December 16, 2005 at 12:21 am | Permalink

    I’ve never liked the song “Carol of the Bells”, but I was in Save-a-lot today and an instrumental version came over the p.a. system, and I realized suddenly that it sounds exactly like the soundtrack to a slasher/horror film.

    Really. Listen to it.

    dink-dinka-dink,dink-dinka-dink,
    DINK-DINKA-DINK! DINK-DINKA-DINK!

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