the liberal elitist got what was coming to him

I’m super-busy tonight so I won’t be posting about Russia selling missiles to Iran or anything else, but I did want to show you this image that’s apparently been making its way though conservative circles. (Thanks for forwarding it, Lumbergirl) It’s got all the makings of a classic urban myth, so I’m sure it’ll go far… If only they’d made the elitist professor the much-despised Juan Cole, though. That would have made it perfect.

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  1. mark
    Posted December 5, 2005 at 9:09 pm | Permalink

    If I had time I

  2. Anonymatt
    Posted December 5, 2005 at 9:40 pm | Permalink

    I think the complete lack of verifiable details would indicate urban myth, or probably outright fiction.

    I’ve never encountered angry atheist professors with piss-poor debating skills, but they seem to abound in right-wing delusions and Chick comics.

    The image is weird. It’s probably some kind of internet clip art in the public domain that you can superimpose words on for free.

  3. be OH be
    Posted December 5, 2005 at 10:37 pm | Permalink

    The story neglected to mention that the professor was also a pro-choice faggot Darwinist.

    But it did include the helpful cautionary message about the short temper and messianic delusions of recently discharged marines.

  4. Teddy Glass
    Posted December 5, 2005 at 10:46 pm | Permalink

    I find it hard to believe that the soldier could have hit the professor in the face from his wheelchair. Perhaps he threw a prosthetic hand at him instead.

  5. Dr Cherry
    Posted December 5, 2005 at 11:38 pm | Permalink

    Here’s a version with a navy seal:

  6. Teddy Glass
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 8:01 am | Permalink

    Sorry, I realize now that my comment last night was in bad taste. I have no excuse, except that I was experimenting with barbituates at the time. I do think, however, that the young man in the photo seems a bit too healthy to have been allowed out of Iraq.

  7. dorothy
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 9:00 am | Permalink

    good one be OH be!! that was really funny. lmfao!!

  8. schutzman
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 9:50 am | Permalink

    They also neglect to include the final paragraph of the story, in which the marine is immediately expelled from school for his behavior and charged with assault by local law enforcement.

    Semper Fi, etcetera.

  9. Tony Buttons Esq.
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 10:17 am | Permalink

    I’ve seen that fellow in gay porn. It’s a funny story actually. You see I happened to be walking though the living room of my neighbor –

  10. Collin
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 11:24 am | Permalink

    Yeah, because God, Who is almighty in all things, is TOO BUSY to knock over one guy on a podium Himself if He really wanted to. Right. The same logic is used by loons who shoot abortion doctors. “God sent me! I’m His tool!” Bah. You’re right though, this will take off among the “righteous”.

    This Marine tale is part of a Snopes article from June of 2004:

    You have to scroll down a bit to get to it and the version that you have is more embellished than what they have. The Seal one is there as well.

  11. Brian
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 11:59 am | Permalink

    Does anyone else think that God might be slightly embarrassed by this? I mean, God had to have some detainee-abusing ex-Marine at a second rate community college do his dirty work for him because he was busy fucking up in Iraq?

    Thanks a lot God!

    Also, Mark, did you get my Zombie Claus logo?

  12. schutzman
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 12:06 pm | Permalink

    I’ve always wondered, “If God is indeed all-powerful, could he create a liberal professor so great that He Himself could not topple him?”

  13. Jim
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 12:49 pm | Permalink

    The Marines have been doing the Lord’s work for a while now, as indicated by the Marine’s Hymn:
    “If the Army and the Navy ever look on heaven’s scenes, they will find the streets are guarded by United States Marines.”

  14. Shanster
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 12:51 pm | Permalink

    Why was the professor talking to himself?

  15. Anonymatt
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 1:34 pm | Permalink

    Tony’s neighbor “filled [him] in.” Heh heh. Then they “watched the end together.” You should specify whose.

    I don’t recognize this guy from any gay porn I’ve seen, but I’ve not seen Breaking Ranks.

  16. Cammer
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 3:22 pm | Permalink

    If this theologically dictatorial Marine was so proud and honourable, why didn’t he re-enlist? What the hell was he doing in some college someplace? “Dere’s still somma dem Ay-rabs tuh kill, hyuk hyuk hyuk.”

  17. Cammer
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 3:39 pm | Permalink

    Mark et al.

    Sometimes I like to go spy on the other camp. Check it out for yourselves.

    I find it hilariously hypocritical for the posters there to be angered that their Christian rights are being infringed upon and then turning around and advocating torture.

  18. srah
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 4:03 pm | Permalink

    I never thought it was anything worth Snopesing (how’s that for a verb?) because it sounds like one of those stupid e-mail jokes and/or touching stories that get forwarded all over the Internet and have a character called Little Johnny who brings his soul to show in tell in a jar. Or some crap like that.

    What Corporation had the Marine just been released from, anyway?

  19. Tony Buttons Esq.
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 4:06 pm | Permalink

    Dear Penthouse, I never thought that I, a great liberal intellect, would be writing a letter like this, but last week in my college classroom something very unusual happened. I was standing at the

  20. Dr Cherry
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 7:28 pm | Permalink

    I snopes everything.

  21. mark
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 7:48 pm | Permalink

    I did Snopes it. It didn’t show up in my search though. Or, now that I think about it, maybe the Einstein thing popped up and I just didn’t scroll through to this part…

  22. danandkitty
    Posted December 6, 2005 at 10:31 pm | Permalink

    God works in mysterious ways.
    I think it’s sad that God, like the US military, is two busy to fight wars on more than one or two fronts. What a wuss. All powerful my ass.

  23. Collin
    Posted December 7, 2005 at 12:00 am | Permalink

    Snopes also collects a large amount of “glurge”, those “feel good” things that seem to pop up everywhere, as well as a lot of other things. They’re an awesome site.

  24. It's Skinner Again
    Posted December 7, 2005 at 1:02 pm | Permalink

    At the end of ten minutes, nothing happened. The professor, who had pulled this stunt to wake up his passive students, tried to start a discussion. The class just stared at him as if he were a TV. A Marine, addicted to steroids from his service in Iraq, sprayed the room with gunfire, shoutng, “Kill ’em all and let God sort ’em out.” Conservative commentators blamed Darwin.

  25. Tony Buttons Esq.
    Posted December 8, 2005 at 10:09 am | Permalink

    You have done me one better, Mr. Skinner. My sombrero is off to you.

  26. It's Skinner Again
    Posted December 8, 2005 at 10:58 am | Permalink

    I’m not so sure, Mr. Buttons. Besides, I’d rather be in your classroom than mine.

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