Linette’s laughing at me. I’m wearing my Santa outfit around the house in hopes of somehow soiling it. (It looks too clean to be worn by a zombie.) I just cleaned the cats’ litter box and the kitchen floor, but, so far, no big stains. If it weren’t so fucking cold, I’d go out and change my oil or take a tire off the car. Maybe tomorrow, when I get home from work, I can go jogging in it and then throw myself down the steep hill in Riverside Park. I guess, if I were going to go all the way with this, I’d stop bathing and dropping my pants when I use the bathroom. I don’t think I need to take it that far though… Oh, I am missing one thing, and I was wondering if someone out there in the local area might be able to help me. I’d like to have a bell with me on Friday night, like the ones wielded by Salvation Army Santas. It’s crossed my mind to cruise around town and see if I might be able to get one of them to sell me theirs (or trade it for a bottle of booze), but I just don’t have the time… Anyway, if you have one that you’d be willing to lend me, send me a note. I promise not to cough up too much blood on it.
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All my bells were lost during the hurricane. It was a tragedy.