your turn

OK, there are like 500 things I want to write about tonight, but I have absolutely no time. I know it’s asking a lot, but, if you have a moment, would you mind leaving some kind of comment? Mundane or interesting, timely or not, it doesn’t really matter. Just say something. I’d appreciate it. Really… I need to get back to cleaning house now, before Linette sees that I’ve slipped away to leave this post. (We’re expecting guests tomorrow and there’s still tons of dried cat vomit to scrape up and mold to be attacked.) Thanks… And have a good weekend.

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  1. Posted November 10, 2005 at 10:48 pm | Permalink

    You scrape up and mold dried cat vomit so your guests can attack it?

  2. Posted November 10, 2005 at 10:49 pm | Permalink

    Ok what is up with all the vomit? My cat has been vomiting like crazy for weeks, (we’re in the process of now attempting to see if it’s a sudden onset of food allergy since lab tests show nothing untoward). We’re awash in dried vomit.
    And the dogs we started sitting today, just both got over a week each of vomiting, with the one having the residual effect of flatulence.

    Could animals be hyper sensitive to a terrible political climate?

  3. chris
    Posted November 10, 2005 at 10:59 pm | Permalink

    I’ve got nothing…I can’t even think of a good joke. Wow…Whose coming to visit?

  4. Posted November 10, 2005 at 11:32 pm | Permalink

    I would like to invite everyone to come to our site and listen to this week’s episode of “The Misadventures of Barbara Bush and Alexis the Lesbian Dolphin”. This week Alexis is kidnapped and forced to live with Mary Cheney. Her only salvation is Barbara who enlists the help of the Olsen Twins to save the day.

  5. srah
    Posted November 11, 2005 at 12:06 am | Permalink

    Here’s a joke for you:

    Q: Why did the mysterious sloth-creature fall out of Mark’s tree?
    A: Because it was dead.

    (Except it didn’t fall out, it had to be poked out. So there goes the joke. Which wasn’t that funny in the first place. Sigh. At least you got a comment!)

  6. Shanster
    Posted November 11, 2005 at 5:01 am | Permalink

    There must be a new Animal vomit epidemic. Almost every other day, my cat goes to her favorite room, begins speaking like a demoniac, then leaves a fresh stain on the carpet. She’s fine and healthy, up on all her shots, just expels her breakfast a lot. I have to be sure to clean it up quickly, or else the other one might “get to it.”

  7. Doug Skinner
    Posted November 11, 2005 at 7:21 am | Permalink

    I can recommend a movie I just saw: “Abel Raises Cain,” a documentary about satirist/hoaxer Alan Abel by his daughter Jenny. It’s funny and charming.

    I had the pleasure of chatting in the bar afterwards with Abel and his wife (and frequent collaborator) Jeanne, both delightful people. Mark will be interested to know that they were friends of Andy Kaufman — and that Jeanne said Kaufman was quite envious of Abel’s hoaxing of his own death (he got his obituary into the “NY Times”). She still hangs onto a glimmer of hope that Kaufman will be back.

    There’s more on Abel and the movie at

  8. Tony Buttons
    Posted November 11, 2005 at 8:39 am | Permalink

    It’s been my experience that cleaning your house just encourages guests, which in turn end up costing you money. If I were you, I’d replace the vomit.

    And thank you, Mr. Skinner, for the mention of the film. I haven’t heard anything of Abel since the obit business, and it’s nice to know that he’s still kicking about.

  9. terry
    Posted November 11, 2005 at 8:59 am | Permalink

    What did you think of this week’s Top Model? I thought the last scene really took reality show cruelty to new depths. It was kinda like telling a person they’re going to die, ordering them down on the ground, pointing a gun to their head and then yelling “April Fools!”

  10. Teddy Glass
    Posted November 11, 2005 at 9:12 am | Permalink

    Terry is referring to the fact that at the end of the last episode of “America’s Next Top Model” Tyra Banks told two of the women (Jayla and Heather) that they’d both been performing poorly and that they needed to “pack their bags.” The implication was that both women had been kicked out of the competition. But then, just as they started sobbing, Tyra said, “that’s right, we’re ALL

  11. dorothy
    Posted November 11, 2005 at 9:25 am | Permalink

    one day about 30 yrs. ago, i helped out at my husband’s veterinary practice while one of the technicians went on her honeymoon. a few weeks later i was having dinner with some friends at a very fancy restaurant. it was very noisy and we had to raise our voices to be heard. i was complaining about my stint at the clinic. suddenly the place went dead silent just as i shouted, “you haven’t lived until someone hands you diarrhea in a baggie!” we don’t go to that restaurant anymore.

  12. Tony Buttons
    Posted November 11, 2005 at 9:41 am | Permalink

    At least it was in a baggie.

  13. Tony Buttons
    Posted November 11, 2005 at 9:48 am | Permalink

    …in the olden times, people had to bring dirrhea to their vet in cupped hands.

  14. Posted November 11, 2005 at 10:22 am | Permalink

    Shanster – we’re feeding her nothing but babyfood lamb, (and after looking at the selection of stuff to feed one’s baby that the average American is apparently choosing from, I no longer question where all manner of problems have started).
    She’s responding really well and after a week or 2 we’ll start adding back other foods to determine what, if anything, she’s allergic to.
    I hate to think I might have to give up the beloved Iams but I have a gut feeling it’s the corn.
    The conspiracy theorist in me is even starting to wonder if the animals are acting as the canary in the coalmine on GM corn.

  15. Doug Skinner
    Posted November 11, 2005 at 11:05 am | Permalink

    Tony — Age and money troubles have slowed the Abels down. They do promise, however, that a new secret project is in the works.

    Dorothy — I’ll take you out to dinner anytime!

  16. Posted November 11, 2005 at 12:09 pm | Permalink

    Sure, I’ll be happy to leave a comment.

    You ever going to come to a DEAD club meeting?

    Oops, sorry, got to run now . . .

  17. Posted November 11, 2005 at 12:45 pm | Permalink

    Doug: I’ve read a couple of Abel’s books and really admire his style and sense of humor. I’ll keep an eye out for the film, although I’m betting it won’t have a theatrical run here in Colorado Springs. Thanks for the heads up.

    Mark: I just hope the mold wasn’t forming on the cat vomit. Here’s a two-part question for you: What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever found on your property? What made it stranger than any other thing?

  18. Posted November 11, 2005 at 1:00 pm | Permalink

    Please help save Arrested Development:

  19. JT
    Posted November 11, 2005 at 2:03 pm | Permalink

    Yes, Mark, when are you coming to the Greatful Dead meeting? The nitrus tank is almost empty.

  20. Martin L. Perl
    Posted November 11, 2005 at 2:31 pm | Permalink

    Hello, my name is Martin L. Perl and, about ten years ago, I won the Nobel Prize for physics. Along with Fred Reines, I discovered the Tau Lepton. Since that discovery, the most interesting thing I’ve discovered is your site. Thank you for your hard work, Mr. Maynard. If I can ever be of service (with Tau Leptons or other matters), let me know.

  21. Shanster
    Posted November 11, 2005 at 2:48 pm | Permalink

    I read an article in the Detroit News today that said Bob Bell was going to be in Ann Arbor next week. He is the leader of a mega-church called Mars Hill. The article showed him to be very different and fresh in his approach to Christianity, and you might be interested in interviewing him, just drop the name Falk and don’t mispronounce it. I know you’re pretty skeptical, but I always view your skepticism as a desire for a more pure understanding of God. I think he’ll be at First Methodist on State 7pm on Wednesday.

  22. Posted November 11, 2005 at 3:19 pm | Permalink

    My boss gave us today off, even though it’s not in the company manual as an official work holiday. I too should be cleaning and told my better half that I would be, but the Internet is sucking me in again. Damn You, Mark Maynard!

    So my friend Mr. Smallwood gave me this book called, ”

  23. Posted November 11, 2005 at 3:29 pm | Permalink

    (woops) The book is called “Grinning with the Gipper: A celebration of the Wit, Wisdom, and Wisecracks of Ronald Reagan,” published in 1988. It’s filled with a plethora of stomach turning jokes that Reagan’s speechwriter included for him to break the ice at public appearances, including ragers like the annual National Prayer Breakfast and at a candle-lighting ceremony for prayer in schools. Him using these “wisecracks” made him appear to the public as a President with a masterful use of humor. It got me thinking about Bush’s lack of humor and his occassional grotesque ability to make himself do the silent chuckle, you know the one. What would it be like if Bush was more human? Could humor save him?

  24. chris
    Posted November 11, 2005 at 5:52 pm | Permalink

    cat epidemic explained: Seasonal hairballs, animals shed their summer coat in fall, and conversely they shed their winter coat in the spring. So, whilst cleaning (ie-licking) themselves they ingest more hair then their digestive tract can handle.


    Sounded believable for a moment didn’t it? Although I made this up, all my other comments have been based on well researched facts.

  25. Posted November 11, 2005 at 9:39 pm | Permalink

    I am 80 pages into “Night of the Hunter.” I can’t say I’m enjoying it because it’s too durn foreboding. And the relationship between this sweet older brother and his naive sister has me hoping that Preacher stays as far away from both of them as possible. I’m guessing that doesn’t happen.

    I have been listening to Wilco and only Wilco ever since Tuesday. And I’m not even close to getting tired of it.

  26. mark
    Posted November 12, 2005 at 6:09 pm | Permalink

    I don’t think Kami, the adult film actress who was leaving notes here for a while, is still in the audience, but, if she is, and if Mr. Perl is telling the truth, I think might be the only site in hsitory to have among its readers both a Nobel laureate and a cast-member from the film “Throat Yogurt.” The thougth of it makes me almost giddy.

    I want to comment on everything else, but I can’t stop my wheels from spinning right now… I have this idea that Kami and Martin could interview each other for the next issue of Crimewave, and I can’t shake it.

  27. Posted November 12, 2005 at 6:50 pm | Permalink

    the andy warhol museum in pittsburgh will be featured on the “CBS Sunday Morning” program.
    —> sunday, 9am – 10:30am

    if they show a dude walking around with a handful of “no gimmicks” dymo stickers,
    … that’s me!



  28. terry
    Posted November 13, 2005 at 4:00 am | Permalink

    Here’s a pic of Nicole’s face after the big double elimination fake-out on America’s Next Top Model. This episode would have been great if only for Lisa peeing in a diaper. The line between reality show and fetish porn has been almost totally erased.

  29. mark
    Posted November 13, 2005 at 7:52 pm | Permalink

    I forgot that Lisa took a piss in a diaper…. And how did that not come up at the elimination hearings?

    And, Alicia, I’ve never read the book, The Night of the Hunter. I’ve only seen the film. When you get a chance, let me know if you’d recommend it. If so, I’ll add it to my list.

  30. mark
    Posted November 14, 2005 at 9:02 pm | Permalink

    “What’s the strangest thing you’ve ever found on your property? What made it stranger than any other thing?”

    You mean other than the giant, dead creature swinging from the power lines? Well, I’d have to say the box for the “Auto Jill Pocket Pussy.” I only saw the picture on the box, but the device appeared to be about the size of a standard Coke can, with a couple rubber flaps on one end that I assume were supposed to approximate the lips of a vagina. And it was powered by your car’s cigarette lighter. I’d say that was the strangest thing. Drug paraphernalia, locks of hair ripped out by the roots, and stolen merchandise don’t compare.

  31. Posted March 15, 2006 at 12:12 am | Permalink

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