my dinner with taint

I don’t, as a rule, socialize with the men and women who leave comments on this site. Actually, truth be told, I go quite far out of my way to avoid any contact with them. There was something about Dick Cheney’s Extending Taint, however, that drew me in. Maybe it was his rough, world-weary bluster. Maybe it was the charming emoticons her used in his personal notes to me. Whatever it was, I just had to know more.

So, when I got word that he and his wife (Lynn Cheney’s Collapsing Taint) were going to be in town, I jumped at the chance to have them over for snacks… Unfortunately, and this didn’t occur to me until they’d arrived, taints, not having mouths, can neither eat snacks nor, for that matter, speak. So, they just kind of stared and Linette and me for a few moments, nodded a bit as we made smal-ltalk, patted Clementine on the head on few times, and then left. Fortunately, however, Linette was able to snap this photo of me and Dick Cheney’s Extending Taint before he and his wife rolled quietly out of Ypsilanti in their flesh-colored taintmobile…

It was a night that I will never forget.

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  1. Hiram
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 1:21 am | Permalink

    Good Photoshopping. That looks nothing like Dave’s unshaven cheek.

  2. Posted November 29, 2005 at 1:34 am | Permalink


  3. Anonymatt
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 6:16 am | Permalink

    Hiram, please specify what you mean by “cheek.”

  4. chris
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 9:38 am | Permalink

    I think you are joshing your readers and that you in fact know dcet quite intimately, and no i do not mean biblically. One question, is he as hot in person as he is in his writing?

  5. Anonymatt
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 10:52 am | Permalink

    Mark and DC’s ET lived together while in college.

  6. Ken
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 7:59 pm | Permalink

    That’s gross. Actually, that looks like that thing that got electricuted in your backyard.

  7. mark
    Posted November 29, 2005 at 9:41 pm | Permalink

    Anonymatt, I bet you’re the kind of guy that enjoys telling little kids that there’s no Santa too… Would it really have killed you to play along, in the spirit of the holiday season? Is it so horrible that I wanted to bring the wonder of childhood back to my readers, in the form of a giant magical (Vice Presidential) taint?

    And, Ken, that freaks me out… the thought that the thing in my back yard could have actually been a giant taint. I know I won’t sleep tonight.

    As for his “hotness,” I couldn’t really say, Chris. When I look at him, I just see taint.

  8. Anonymatt
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 8:36 am | Permalink

    I’m sorry you enjoy lying much more than I do.

    The Taint exposed himself several months ago anyway. Sorry I ruined it so you couldn’t deceive the newbies from Slate.

  9. chris
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 9:44 pm | Permalink

    t’aint nuttin to worry about Mark…but maybe you could ask Linette for me? Oh wait, I see the dilemma here. So, I guess that means heain’t hot.

    I guess I still have Brent’s hands to dream about.

  10. Posted December 1, 2005 at 6:49 pm | Permalink

    You did seem a bit nervous the first time we were in the same room. Your eyes kept darting around, investigating different escape plans.

  11. mark
    Posted December 1, 2005 at 10:01 pm | Permalink

    As I recall, you’d brought along a friend, Chuck, and that wasn’t part of the deal. I thought that maybe you were going to jump me or something.

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