found in ypsi: hannah’s x teacher stuff

I was afraid to stop and open it up, but, if you want to, I can tell you exactly where it is.

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  1. kez
    Posted November 19, 2005 at 9:07 pm | Permalink

    don’t touch it… germs.

  2. Posted November 20, 2005 at 8:27 am | Permalink

    Okay, I realize this isn’t a game but I figured I’d make it one.

    This is on the south side of Michigan Avenue, in front of the empty storefront between TC’s Speakeasy and the Hair Salon.

    We were afraid to open it as well.

  3. Posted November 20, 2005 at 9:14 am | Permalink

    Hmmmm. It’s practically a landmark, then. I saw it on either Thurs or Fri after getting a cup of coffee, and yep, I wasn’t inclined to check what was inside, either.

  4. Posted November 20, 2005 at 9:25 am | Permalink

    It’s nice that the library is spending tens of thousands of dollars renovating their courtyard, while a discarded suitcase fifty feet away is now generating more attention online.

    In defense of myself, mark, and trusty getto, please note that the bottom of the case does say “D-O- N-O-T T-O-U-C-H”. Upon closer examination, I note that the locks seem to have been opened which I don’t think was the case when I saw it around 4 days ago- thus I’m guessing some anonymous person actually did possibly look inside.

  5. mark
    Posted November 20, 2005 at 12:14 pm | Permalink

    I think it’s Ypsi’s version of the case in Pulp Fiction.

  6. kez
    Posted November 20, 2005 at 1:27 pm | Permalink

    hannah’s teacher must be a math instructor, noted from the subtraction, addition and multiplication signs on the left side.

  7. chris
    Posted November 20, 2005 at 1:32 pm | Permalink

    I will paypal $25 to the anti-scalito campaign of their (there-see earlier post) choice in the name of the person who opens it.

  8. kez
    Posted November 20, 2005 at 7:26 pm | Permalink

    maybe sell the contents on ebay as a “mystery suitcase”.

  9. mark
    Posted November 20, 2005 at 8:50 pm | Permalink

    If I didn’t have a cold, Chris, I’d walk over there right now and pop it open… Maybe I could call over at TC’s and see if someone would go outside for me and open it up though. (It would be really cool if I could call over there and have someone report back over the phone, and post our conversation to the web. I need a technical team here at

  10. Posted November 20, 2005 at 9:48 pm | Permalink

    Call in a bomb threat. let the cops open it.

  11. chris
    Posted November 21, 2005 at 8:10 pm | Permalink

    Alicia-snorting laughter-good one

    Mark-I do not require it but photographic evidence would be nice…even if it is befouled jockey shorts.

  12. mark
    Posted November 21, 2005 at 10:32 pm | Permalink

    I went back tonight to crack it open, but it was gone.

    And it did occur to me, Alicia, that had this thing turned up in Ann Arbor they would have evacuated multiple blocks and brought in the SWAT team. (I was caught in traffic for about an hour earlier this year when they had to bring in a robot to poke a box with gibberish written on it.) Here in Ypsi though, people just step over stuff like that.

  13. Posted November 22, 2005 at 10:47 am | Permalink

    sadly, mark is correct about hannah’s x teacher stuff. I also went there last night and took this photo as supporting evidence.

    It’s the end of an era here in Ypsilanti.

  14. Susan
    Posted November 22, 2005 at 2:09 pm | Permalink

    Did it have any unique odors coming from it? Germs be damned, I think I would have been inclined to open it (unless it smelled particularly foul – I have an odor thing). But then if I were a cat, curiousity would have killed me by now.

  15. be OH bE
    Posted November 22, 2005 at 3:07 pm | Permalink

    You guys are all going to be on some sort of hidden camera show next week. Hope you weren’t picking your nose while you were staring at it.

  16. mark
    Posted November 22, 2005 at 9:00 pm | Permalink

    Maybe we should try to raise funds to shoot an adult feature here in Ypsi – “Hannah’s XXX Teacher” – about a young woman who finds a mysterious bag on Michigan Avenue, the contents of which somehow transform her into an unstopable sex machine.

  17. mark
    Posted November 22, 2005 at 9:05 pm | Permalink

    I just did a search, thinking that “Hannah’s X Teacher” might be the name of a band or something, and that this might have just been clever guerilla advertising for an upcoming release, but the only links I found led back to here.

  18. Anonymatt
    Posted November 23, 2005 at 6:58 pm | Permalink

    To me, it looks like the label is “Hannah’s Teacher Stuff” with the X on the left representing a multiplication sign. It looks like the owner liked to draw math signs. The minus, plus, and multiplication symbols down the left side are more noticable. But it looks to me like the owner drew a multiplication sign to the left of “Teacher,” a plus sign under the second F in “Stuff,” and a minus sign to the right of the second F.

    My theory is that Hannah is a girl who likes/liked playing school and discarded one of her props when it got too old and decrepit. And she wasn’t old enough to have started division yet.

  19. chris
    Posted November 27, 2005 at 12:25 pm | Permalink

    No, No…I got it. Its an anagram. When rearranging the letters in “Hannahs teachers stuff” they spell out “Knights Templar” in Latin (Which I forgo spelling out here as they would cause the reader to go blind…or at least briefly impotent).

    BTW, Mark, your plot premise for the aforementioned porno has been used so many times, or should I say xxxx. Chick finds a necklace puts it on-sex slave, a man finds a bottle on the beach-inside…a sex slave, a bikini sale brings shy nerdy chick in to buy a bikini which has a curse on it, puts it on…a sex slave. One is never born a sex slave, it is thrust (no pun intendend) upon them via some token ala Greg’s tiki (spooky flute tootle ootle ooo inserted here).

    And speaking of strange connections. Remember how I said your writing reminds me of David Foster Wallace? I was reading an advance issue of his collected essays, “Consider the Lobster” when I came upon the comparison. The essay I was reading you ask? One where he describes his experience in attendence at the AVN awards!!! He has some unkind criticisms of your fair reader Kami. But hey, are they any less than those reg. his chronic diarrhea like footnoting?

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