a messages to the regulars: please be nice to the visitors from slate

Please be on your best behavior (like that time I got quoted by the BBC and we had the little influx of traffic from across the pond). I’ve just been informed that I was quoted on Slate, so I anticipate that there will be lots of strangers here soon, moving among us like haunted house employees in the dark, alternately grabbing at our bottoms and howling like monsters. Whatever you do, please don’t engage them. If there’s one thing that I learned in grade school, it’s this – if you just roll up and play dead, they will eventually lose interest in hitting you… At any rate, I’d like to write more, but I have a terrible case of diarrhea, and my eye popped again. (In defense of my parents, this time, unlike the last two times, my eye didn’t pop when I was actually with them. This time, it blew up in the car on my way back to Michigan, at least two hundred miles from their home. And, while I’m sure the stress of the family visit had something to do with it, I suspect it probably had more to do with the plane that just barely missed us when it crashed into the highway a little in front of us… That’s something else that I’d really like to tell you more about, but I need to go rest my blood-filled eye now.)

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  1. mark
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 12:07 am | Permalink

    Sorry the photo isn’t bloodier, but, as it happened about three days ago now, most of the blood is already gone. Next time, I’ll do better. I promise.

  2. Anonymatt
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 8:38 am | Permalink

    Get ready to feel nervous every time you hear a loud and/or low flying plane in the vicinity.

  3. Posted November 30, 2005 at 11:06 am | Permalink

    I read about that. You were there at the time? How freaky. On our way through Toledo Thanksgiving Day we got in the middle of a multi-car accident as it happened and somehow survived untouched, largely due to my spouse’s skillful maneuvering around 1) a bumper, 2) a stopped car in the middle lane, 3) reams of loose paper blowing across the windshield (from the trunk of one of the crashed cars) and 4) the elderly driver of another crashed car who was stopped in the center lane and walking around to the passenger side to check on his wife.

  4. Posted November 30, 2005 at 1:04 pm | Permalink

    Holy Crap ! You some kind of disaster magnet? First a plane crash and now a Slate quote enticing religious zealouts to crawl out the woodwork and crap on you? Sheesh.

    I know a great opthalmologist at Beaumont, if you don’t mind the trip.

  5. Posted November 30, 2005 at 3:30 pm | Permalink

    Look at you, Mr. “I’m mentioned all over”. Be sure to count all the guest towels when they leave. Not that I’m saying that your sudden visitors are crooks or anything. Just… you know. Towels are towels.

    When I followed the plane link I was expecting at least a commuter jet. Just how heavy is an “ultralight”? Have you considered that it might have been some kind of plot by the Fundamentalist Right to silence you with a suicide attack only to find out, much to their dismay, that either God is really on your side or it’s a lot harder to hit a moving target with an ultralight than they planned? Nah. Me either. I’m just glad you and your family weren’t harmed.

  6. mark
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 11:13 pm | Permalink

    I have the flu.

    I guess when the plane didn’t work they had a suicide sneezer come after me.

    I feel like shit.

  7. Ken
    Posted November 30, 2005 at 11:43 pm | Permalink

    So, that paper airplane hit you in the eye?

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