the cold virus

Sorry the site’s been sucking lately, but Linette and I stopped off at the Humane Society a few days ago and decided to adopt an adorable, little cold virus. Everything was fine in the car on the way home. He showed lots of affection, licking us and purring this beautifully contented little purr. But, once we got through the front door, things took a serious turn for the worse. You might think I’m being paranoid, but I swear that he’s been trying to kill us… We’ve got him cornered under the ataman right now and Linette’s got a broom held high above her head, just waiting to let him have it when he peaks out. Wish us luck.

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  1. Anonymatt
    Posted October 4, 2005 at 1:54 pm | Permalink


  2. Posted October 4, 2005 at 2:29 pm | Permalink


  3. Posted October 4, 2005 at 4:30 pm | Permalink


    You have a cold too? Man. Small world. I just got mine today. They look so cute in the store, pressing their faces against the glass, licking your hand when you pick them up. Then, sure enough, you get them home and they turn on you and try to rip your nasal cavities out through your eyeballs. I hope you guys kill yours soon.

  4. mark
    Posted October 4, 2005 at 8:15 pm | Permalink

    Perhaps I should have used “hetman.”

    Am I the only one here who keeps a Cossack chief in his den?

    As for the cold, it’s let up on the wife and kid, but it’s still got me by the balls. My throat feels like someone’s constantly yanking barbed wire through it.

  5. Posted October 4, 2005 at 9:43 pm | Permalink

    Hello, the chaotic subsections of this site make finding my original thread a waste of time, and given the likely deaf ears my message will fall on, I really don’t care anyway. But for those who may be “in the know”, and freed from the dogmatic blinders, these words may do some good, so here it is:

    The basic problem for all partisan politicos, and just about EVERYONE who opens their mouths to speak for or against ANYTHING in the current crisis, is one of context. Meaning, they have none or it is so small as to render their overall argument irrelevant.

    First, to break out of the initial level of elementary traps, one MUST view current events in an Apocalyptic context that allows for
    data of a shocking evolutionary world-changing nature to be inserted into your analysis. But at the same time, you must not allow yourself
    to be enslaved by any one particular apocalyptic plot level. This is very, very hard to do, and most people who try to think in this “out-of-the-box” cosmic fashion, fail to grasp the non-linear nature of truth, and then immediately retreat to a standard apocalyptic view; OR they backpeddle further into any dogmatic us-them scenario.

    If one succeeds in this perceptual adjustment, then the next step is to place all of human history into a meta-model that also assimilates
    EVERY cosmic mythology, flawlessly and without contradiction, such that the true apocalyptic landscape can be seen and then manuevered
    through successfully. Thus any attempt to understand the Iraq War MUST be viewed within a Big Picture apocalyptic framework, but that
    frame has to include ALL other plots (such as aliens in ancient Sumer, for but one example) in such a way that the whole truth is perceptible.

    ALL of that, which amounts to 25,920 years of human mytho-history, must then be balanced against evolutionary unknowns driven by expansion of human consciousness into higher-dimensional realms, forcing the issues of Illuminati-controlled virtual reality Matrix-
    type scenarios and Philip K Dick-style paranoia into the mix. Quantum existential terror must be confronted and placed in line with bottom
    level, “real world” plots and events, such as seen on the evening news or read on the web.

    You arrive finally at a point where immunity to plot level and propaganda manipulation is attained through hardwork at perceptual self-metaprogrammming, finding your way out of the labyrinth with the golden thread still in hand. You cannot hold that thread if your hand is quivering because of hate, passionate belief, fear, or desperate angry confidence in your own righteousness.

    So, without a solid meta-foundation and golden thread in hand, you have NO HOPE WHATSOEVER of finding out the real story unfolding around us. As to what exactly that story is, well, would you even understand it if I told you? I do not question your ability to undersatnd, but your willingness to do so. Sadly, most politico pundits who run and/or appear regularly on blogs have invested their whole ego game in being a righteous partisan, so of course, my words will be white noise for the majority here.

  6. Posted October 4, 2005 at 10:39 pm | Permalink

    Told ya I suspected the illuminati…

  7. Posted October 5, 2005 at 12:04 am | Permalink

    When you say that you suspected the Illuminati, what exactly did you suspect? Do you know who and what the Illuminati are, beyond the current crop of conspiracy theories?

    If you think they are “evil” or “good”, “out to make us slaves” or “helping humanity”, “raping the planet” or “benevolently guiding us”, or ANY OTHER simplistic duality view, you do not understand them at all, at all.

  8. Shanster
    Posted October 5, 2005 at 5:06 am | Permalink

    Bob Dobbs appeared to me in a dream last night, riding on the flying spaghetti monster, and told me your world view is too limited.

  9. Posted October 5, 2005 at 9:13 am | Permalink

    How dare you fnord accuse Philip K. Dick of fnord being “Paranoid.”

  10. Posted October 5, 2005 at 9:15 am | Permalink

    …and I really hope someone clicked through my “Automan” link above, because that was the funniest damn joke I’ve made in months, folks. It don’t get any better than that.

  11. Tony Buttons
    Posted October 5, 2005 at 10:39 am | Permalink

    For what it is worth, Brett, I laughed so hard that I shat myself.

  12. Posted October 5, 2005 at 10:54 am | Permalink

    Thanks, tony. you’ve restored my will to live and faith in humanity.

  13. be OH bE
    Posted October 5, 2005 at 11:33 am | Permalink

    Brett, did you actually watch that movie? If so, was it as derivative of Tron as it looks to be?

    If you suspect we’re all unwilling to understand, why have you come to our planet?

  14. Posted October 5, 2005 at 11:56 am | Permalink

    beohbe, it was actually a short-lived television show in the early 80’s and yes, it was sort of TRON-y at points (the plot involved a hologram that fights crime).

    I met Chuck (automan) Wagner at a Pittsburgh Auto Show when I was around 12. At that same show, I also got my picture taken sitting in K.I.T.T.

    On that day, I probably thought I’d never be quite as cool again. Sadly, I may have been correct.

  15. Teddy Glass
    Posted October 5, 2005 at 4:11 pm | Permalink

    You, like the great Orson Welles, peaked early.

  16. Anonymatt
    Posted October 5, 2005 at 6:44 pm | Permalink

    So, Brett, I brought up the word “ottoman” and you made a reference to a TV show that had a similar sounding title, and provided a link to a page about the show.

    That was the funniest damn joke you’ve made in months? I wouldn’t brag.

    Of course, Mark seems to think an Ottoman is the same thing as a Cossack, which just goes to show his knowledge of geography and history is as poor as his spelling ability. But thanks for teaching me a new word, hetman.

  17. mark
    Posted October 5, 2005 at 8:26 pm | Permalink

    Matt, I’ll send you a dictionary for Christmas.

    According to Webster’s, an “ataman” is a “Cossack chief.” Another word for “Cossack chief” is “hetman.” (I never said that an Ottoman was a Cossack chief.)

    And I liked Brett’s link… It led to some hillarious sound files, which I may try to link to tonight.

  18. Posted October 6, 2005 at 7:42 am | Permalink


    it’s funny because it’s not funny, which makes it even funnier if i then say it’s hilarious.

    It’s also been a really slow couple months.

    Here in my pile of discarded jokes, i had considered just saying “Atta-Man“, but figured that would have been so ‘2001’.

  19. Anonymatt
    Posted October 6, 2005 at 9:00 am | Permalink

    I found the PKD reference with the fnords to be funnier.

  20. be OH bE
    Posted October 6, 2005 at 9:09 am | Permalink

    Why not just combine the jokes?

  21. Posted October 6, 2005 at 9:33 am | Permalink

    anonymatt, I didn’t see any fnords in that comment. Or in this one, either.

    beohbe, very tastefully done. coincidentally, as you were busily assembling your ‘artwork’, I was hastily doing the same thing at the bottom of this post. ‘Tis something in the air this morn’ which obliges us to photoshop, mayhaps?

    Oh, and as an added bit of trivia, the ‘other guy’ on Automan (and in your photo) is Desi Arnaz jr, better known as “Little Ricky” on I love Lucy.

  22. Teddy Glass
    Posted October 6, 2005 at 9:50 am | Permalink

    I believe Little Ricky was played by an actor other than Desi Arnaz jr. At least that’s what I remember reading in one of my “Dino, Desi & Billy” newsletters.

    And I loved the image, Obi Wan be OH be. Who knew you had such mad Photoshop skillz?

  23. mark
    Posted October 6, 2005 at 9:04 pm | Permalink

    I love that shit, be OH be…. must put that image up front ASAP.

  24. Posted October 7, 2005 at 12:06 am | Permalink

    Hello again. Mark asked me to not keep you in suspense regarding what the truth might be concerning the current crisis and related matters. I indirectly replied by expressing my doubt that those here would be willing (note: not able, just willing) to entertain a non-linear, hyperspatial approach that provides the only proper context for understanding the events currently unfolding.

    So the response from “be OH be” then asked why I would “come to your planet” if I had such reservations. The answer to that, actually, provides you all with a window of opportunity for understanding how I operate and the right approach to take with me if you wish to have substantive dialogue (note: IF that is your wish).

    The initial response I got, with the witty insinuated “suspicions” regarding Illuminati, was actually very good- potentially. Alas so far “Stella” has yet to clarify her position vis-a-vis the Illuminati, and demonstrate some gnosis beyond stnadard conspiracy fare (which is 99% wrong about the Illuminati and what they are “really” up to. I know, because I am one of them.)

    The two other replies that I received were much more encouraging, and sent up a pair of flares telling me that this group does indeed have something for me here. I was at first glance led to this blog “by chance”, but actually nothing happens by chance. I was waiting for a sign of direction, and I got it via “shanster” (just don’t call me “Abbie” again, please, if you wish me to respond) with the Dobbsian Subgenius reference and Brett’s PKD fnord response. Both were very funny and show the essential lack of fanatical partisanship that tends to dominate the writing on this blog.

    Therefore I will indeed give some indepth perspective for Those With Ears That Hear. MY proposition then to mark is that this thread be restarted as one of its own, with a respoting of my messages thusfar with their replies. I certainly am not going to reveal the secrets of the universe in a thread called “the cold virus”. Call it Abraxas & the Illuminati, or something sutiably dramatic, and I will give this blog a full round of my energy.

    If you do not take up the challenge, or if it all quickly unravels, that is fine. I bid you good day and have a nice life. The true story marches on whether or not you are aware of it.

    Now in closing, can anyone guess what item of value this interaction has already given me? The clues are above.

    I leave you with the following piece of proper perceptual adjustment:

    “A fullness of expression requires the acknowledgement of chaos and darkness opposed by the sum of our knowledge and the more successful traditions of thought to which we are heir.” -Roger Zelazny

    Ps, for the quick-draws amongst you:
    No, the above quote does not endorse duality, it actually provides the formula for dispensing with it forever.

    Last question:

    How addicted are you to linear time?

  25. Shanster
    Posted October 7, 2005 at 5:29 am | Permalink

    I’m extremely addicted to linear time. Although I believe that linear time does have an end. When that time ends, we enter eternity, which will be not ‘a long time’ but a ‘non-time’.

    We’re all still waiting with bated breath. Maybe we should take some altoids.

    After this entity posts its theory, can someone write up an executive summary for me, preferably in red-state English (3 syllables or less, no complex sentences, please)?

  26. Stella
    Posted October 7, 2005 at 8:30 am | Permalink

    I just love Zelazny, does that help?

  27. Tony Buttons
    Posted October 7, 2005 at 9:00 am | Permalink

    You lost me at “Hello.”

    As for the time machine, try reversing the polarity and then rocking back and forth. I’ve found that generally works when I’m stuck.

  28. be OH bE
    Posted October 7, 2005 at 9:14 am | Permalink

    “the secrets of the universe”, eh?

    Do I have to buy a set of cassette tapes at the end of this seminar?

  29. Teddy Glass
    Posted October 7, 2005 at 9:48 am | Permalink

    I suspect that it has at least something to do with His Majesty King Abdullah II of Jordan. The link referenced in Incarnate’s comments directs you to the following text.

    Welcome to the BEST group dedicated to His Majesty King Abdullah II of Jordan! Here we shall discuss the history and culture of His realm, as well as His vision for the future of the Middle East and the world. King Abdullah is a unique monarch who embodies the best qualities of the past while paving the way to a new and better future.

    Maybe His Majesty King Abdullah II of Jordan is funding a cult of time traveling missionaries.

  30. Posted October 9, 2005 at 7:45 pm | Permalink

    Some interesting comments, some nonsense as well…like I said, if you want me to seriously engage myself here, make a new thread with my name in it. “Cold virus” does not cut it.

    Mark, I will give you one week to start a new thread focused on my discussion here. If not, I will move on and leave this site in my past.

    And yes, by the way, linear time IS nothing more than learned behaviour.

    All of this DOES have alot to do with His Majesty King Abdullah II, because He- the current head of the Illuminati- is actually the person controlling the course of events.

    Also, reading Zelazny DOES help, more than you could ever guess. Get a copy of “Creatures of Light and Darkness” if you want to know the symbolic structures determinng the shape of all things as they happen during this Apocalyptic season.

    So friends, the ball is in your court. Make a serious effort to dialogue with me in a fresh thread without a bunch of nonsense, and I will return the favor. If not, goodbye.

  31. be OH be
    Posted October 9, 2005 at 11:08 pm | Permalink

    Your pissy, know-it-all, I’ll-share-the-wonders-of-the-universe-with-you-if-you’ll-just-bow-to-my-superior-intellect deameanor and threats of utter inaction havn’t won you any respect from me or, I’ll venture, any of the other commentors here.

    You’d go a long way towards finding more of Those With Ears That Hear if you gave us a reason to believe you. Who are you? What is the Matrix?

  32. mark
    Posted October 9, 2005 at 11:19 pm | Permalink

    I did a little poking around and apparently His Majesty King Abdullah II of Jordan, as a younger man, was an extra in an episode of one of the Star Trek spin-offs. (Seriously.) He’s apparently a big fan… I found that interesting, and perhaps worthy of an entire post… I’m not sure that I have much interest beyond that, however. Not unless you can offer a little more up front.

  33. Posted October 10, 2005 at 12:10 am | Permalink

    Abraxas Incarnate,

    If the illuminati is honestly being run by this guy, I think i can breath a long sigh of relief after many years of being a conspiracy theorist.


  34. Posted October 10, 2005 at 12:13 am | Permalink


    by all means, mark, please DO start a thread for Abraxas Incarnate, as I’m interested to hear what else he/she/they/it has to say, given the floor to do so.

    maybe we could just start podcasting with this one, as well.

  35. Posted October 10, 2005 at 1:53 am | Permalink

    “Your pissy, know-it-all, I’ll-share-the-wonders-of-the-universe-with-you-if-you’ll-just-bow-to-my-superior-intellect deameanor and threats of utter inaction havn’t won you any respect from me or, I’ll venture, any of the other commentors here.”

    Hmmm…I did not ask anyone to bow, and since I’ve already obtained what I was sent here for, I will not waste my time with fools like the above author.

    If any of you are actually interested in having an intelligent and substantive discussion, follow my link and converse with me there.

    For the rest of you, goodbye.

  36. Shanster
    Posted October 10, 2005 at 5:19 am | Permalink

    Thanks for your enlightening posts which remind me of Eros from Plan 9 from Outer Space:

    Eros: All you of earth are IDIOTS!
    Jeff Trent: Now you just hold on, buster!


    “…Your stupid minds. Stupid, stupid, stupid.”

  37. mark
    Posted October 10, 2005 at 7:46 am | Permalink

    Just to clarify, I never sent for him.

    Did one of you?

  38. Doug Skinner
    Posted October 10, 2005 at 8:42 am | Permalink

    Abraxas Incarnate has posted other material elsewhere; google him and you’ll find some interesting stuff, including some very complex visions.

    It’s probably better that he direct the curious to his own forum. I’m sure he wouldn’t want to take over this one, like a cold virus.

    Perhaps he was drawn here by the word “ottoman”?

  39. be OH bE
    Posted October 10, 2005 at 8:52 am | Permalink

    Sorry Mark, I thought he was going to deliver a singing telegram. I must have had the wrong number.

    Brett, I can’t stop looking at that photo of the most powerful man in the world. That getup must be like the first draft of the SeaOrg uniforms? I dig the weaving projects on the breast.

  40. be OH bE
    Posted October 10, 2005 at 9:10 am | Permalink

    In all seriousness though, if the Illuminati is indeed a real organization I could totally believe that part of their mystique is sustained by using suggestable geeks like Abraxas. They abduct him, take him to a remote island for misinformation indoctrination and then set him up with a Yahoo group to spread the false news. I bet he even shook hands with an Abdullah II imposter in a funny uniform.

  41. dorothy
    Posted October 10, 2005 at 9:46 am | Permalink

    abraxis’s posts remind me of a man who regularly wrote letters to our tiny daily paper. apparently they made a great deal of sense to him, but no one else. unfortunately, he died of sunstroke when he spent too much time outside. he was on high doses of thorazine, which makes you extremely sun sensitive and i guess he forgot his aluminum foil hat.

  42. Queen Rania al-Abdullah
    Posted October 10, 2005 at 9:49 am | Permalink

    We know about Abraxas. We have people watching him. Do not fear. He can do you no harm.

  43. Posted October 10, 2005 at 10:09 am | Permalink


  44. be OH bE
    Posted October 10, 2005 at 10:54 am | Permalink

    “Occupation: Cosmic Player”
    I guess that makes me a cosmic player hater.

    My new favorite pickup line:
    “On the astral plane one of my forms is a multidimensional blue dragon”

  45. Shanster
    Posted October 10, 2005 at 10:57 am | Permalink

    The anagram for steve abraxas incarnate is “Satan craves a Texan Brie”

  46. Doug Skinner
    Posted October 10, 2005 at 12:34 pm | Permalink

    The true adept assumes the sign of Harpocrates: forefinger on lips; go in silence. Sapere, audere, tacere.

    But I wish Abraxas well. The path is thorny!

  47. Henry D
    Posted October 10, 2005 at 3:19 pm | Permalink

    Me so thorny.

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