it’s always neat to see your name wedged in under “vaginal gas”

Occasionally, when I’m bored, or trying to avoid work, like I am right now, I like to go over to the old webstats program and see what search terms are bringing people here to What you see here is the most recent batch. All of these took place in the span of about an hour. Some of these people, I assume, are still here among us… Consider yourself warned.

As you can see, for the most part, it’s a pretty scary group. (Meatonomy, for those of you who don’t know, is the practice of putting your penis inside another man’s penis for the purposes of making love to his stretched-out urethra.)

If you’re smart, you’ll do like me and try to avoid eye contact with anyone you meet while you’re here.

Actually, it isn’t all that bad. Sure, there are few guys looking for images of thongs and “super-sized” breasts, and there’s the person looking for information on ball shaving (always a given), but, for the most part it seems like a pretty good group. There’s even someone looking for information on Fred Flintstone’s green, flying friend, The Great Gazoo… Of course, they’ll never find anything because they think his name is Kazoo… And someone’s looking for Paul Krugman columns. I feel a bit vindicated by that, and the fact that someone else got here by searching for information on the Ypsilanti Sentinel. (Of course, that was probably just eminent local historian Brett Schutzman doing research on the local mid-nineteenth century newspaper by the same name.)

Anthropologically speaking, I’m not sure what this says about America, but I’m sure it speaks volumes about this little snapshot in time.

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  1. Brian
    Posted October 16, 2005 at 6:54 am | Permalink

    Post of the year!

  2. Tamara
    Posted October 16, 2005 at 9:46 am | Permalink

    You know, I thought I’d at least heard it all, if not, thankfully, done it. But it turns out there are still some disturbing activities, gestures, and practices out there.

    Last week it was “the Shocker” hand gesture (discovered separately, and from two different sources, by Chris and me — mine was on Veronica Mars, which didn’t actually explain the gesture, but between Television Without Pity and Google I figured it out. Chris saw the gesture on some photo site, and also turned to our trusty friend Google. Apparently we both found the same site, which not only explained “the Shocker” but helpfully provided several alternative descriptions of the act that it represents.

    And then today, Mark, you taught me about Meatonomy. It sounds to me like an anatomical impossibility, but I suppose where there’s a will, there’s a way!

    In other news: Hurray for Krugman!

  3. mark
    Posted October 16, 2005 at 9:46 am | Permalink

    I don’t know what’s more depressing, the thought that these are the people I spend hours for writing every night, or the fact that you think this is my best work….

  4. Tamara
    Posted October 16, 2005 at 9:51 am | Permalink

    Apparently I decided by the end of paragraph two above that I didn’t need the damn parentheses after all!

    I kind of like the lonely little guy, though, proudly setting “gestures” apart from “discovered,” confident that his partner will eventually turn up to wrap things up on the other end.

    Let’s not burst his bubble.

  5. mark
    Posted October 16, 2005 at 12:05 pm | Permalink

    When worlds collide:

    Krugman’s piece in today’s New York Times was all about the practice of meatonomy. (Lots of diagrams.)

  6. mark
    Posted October 16, 2005 at 12:06 pm | Permalink

    I saw “The Shocker” on Veronica Mars and was wondering if anyone else noticed it. I was going to mention it to Linette, but that would have required my telling her how I knew about it.

  7. Posted October 16, 2005 at 1:24 pm | Permalink

    Hilarious! I love seeing why people are running over to my site…the best is where I made a quote about the American people deserving better than a blowjob from Bush…and I apparently have a “page rank” of like 6 from Google under the search term “blow job”…not so good, I feel.

  8. Brian
    Posted October 16, 2005 at 6:38 pm | Permalink

    Well Mark, I’ve always said your best work was when you’re talking about Krugman, Dunking Witches, and/or Superheros and their giant titties.

  9. Posted October 16, 2005 at 6:46 pm | Permalink

    I was trolling through my hosting service’s data last week, and someone reached my site with the Yahoo search ‘Jimmy Page tattoo.’ I thunk it was kinda cool. No vaginal gas or porn, tho.

    Doesn’t work on Google, interestingly enough.

  10. be OH bE
    Posted October 17, 2005 at 10:02 am | Permalink

    “most cocks sucked” should be the new tagline for the blog.

  11. chris
    Posted October 17, 2005 at 10:11 am | Permalink

    Pamela Lee Anderson was the highest ranking search on Yahoo recently. What is America coming too? Pamela Lee Anderson, I guess.

  12. Doug Skinner
    Posted October 17, 2005 at 10:46 am | Permalink

    The US may no longer lead the world in science, but we excel in Pamela Lee Anderson studies. We’re #1!

  13. Posted October 17, 2005 at 7:47 pm | Permalink

    Complain, complain, complain… You got the hits, didn’t you?

  14. mark
    Posted October 17, 2005 at 8:17 pm | Permalink

    I thought that you were dead, Chuck. I was just saying so a few days ago. I promoted Stephanie Green to the position of protege. Sorry, but that’s the kind of shit that happens when you stop showing up to work for a year.

    And the area of Pam Anderson studies is pretty broad. I’ve found it easier to just focus on the C-cup years. There’s not as much scholarship there. And it’s easy to make a name for yourself. It’s pretty wide open.

    And, yes, BeOhBe, I will begin work on the new “most cocks sucked” layout at once…. “Mark Maynard dotcom. He’s probably blown you.”

  15. [steph]
    Posted October 18, 2005 at 4:13 am | Permalink

    I don’t know if Chuck will agree, but perhaps we can share… He can have you every 103rd weekend as long as I get all the obscure holidays like National Boss’s Day (quickly approaching!)

    If this doesn’t work out, we may need to resort to some sort of scenario like The Apprentice: Mark Maynard. We may not have the network’s production values, but we’ve got the heart and the free time (where we should be doing other things) to fill with inane but clever bullshit.

    I think this could be a big hit.

  16. Teddy Glass
    Posted October 18, 2005 at 5:03 pm | Permalink

    And the loser could be my protege.

    You’d be amazed at how filthy an apartment can get when you don’t leave it for a dozen years, fear cleaning supplies, and can’t afford a maid.

  17. Posted October 18, 2005 at 6:34 pm | Permalink

    Sorry to burst your bubble, mark, but that wasn’t me looking up ‘Ypsi Sentinel’.

    Speaking of, though, the good news is that I’m nearly finished writing my special report on witch dunking. I can’t wait to float it by you.

  18. mark
    Posted October 18, 2005 at 7:51 pm | Permalink

    “Witch Dunking & and the History of the Wet T-shirt Contest in America”

    Who wants to join Brett and me in writing the book?

  19. rootneg2
    Posted August 24, 2007 at 6:48 pm | Permalink

    Meatonomy actually refers the practice of splitting the urethra down the length of the penis. Look it up on BMEzine (unless you have a weak stomach).

  20. mark
    Posted August 24, 2007 at 8:25 pm | Permalink

    Thanks for bringing me back to this thread, Rootneg. I’d forgotten all about the “Witch Dunking & and the History of the Wet T-shirt Contest in America” book project. I still think it’s fucking brilliant!

    And, for what it’s worth, I was aware of the meaning of meatonomy. It was a joke… You see, it’s very unlikely that Krugman would me writing about “splitting the urethra down the length of the penis.”

  21. Dani Klopburg
    Posted November 3, 2010 at 5:45 pm | Permalink

    This post offered me absolutely no relief.

  22. Trudy Kelbrasa
    Posted November 3, 2010 at 8:13 pm | Permalink

    Sorry about your vaginal gas. Here’s something that might cheer you up. Did you know that Kristen Bell was courted for the spot Of Marilyn Munster in the remake of the TV show?

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