I just got done reading this hugely pessimistic piece on global warming when I decided to open up the New York Times and saw the article, “As Polar Ice Turns to Water, Dreams of Treasure Abound,” all about how some people are simply giddy at the prospect of all the once hidden natural resources in the Artic now coming within grasp, seemingly oblivious to the fact that it’ll also mean the deaths of millions and the complete fucking of life as we know it… If it didn’t make me feel so fucking sick, I’d sit here and think of something funny to say.
Connect
8 Comments
OH FUCK!!!!!
There’s nothing wrong with looking for the silver lining? I do it every day. When the world gives me lemons I make lemonade.
Case in point: I was very much against the current war in Iraq until a friend of mine mentioned how much easier it was to get laid by the wives of US military men now that they’re all in the middle east. Since then, I’ve been spending time in bars outside my local Army base and doing really, really well. I’m getting a caliber of lady I know I couldn’t have gotten before. I still hate the war, but I’m going to use it to my benefit. For what it’s worth, I’m also making a shit load of money from my U.S. defense contractor stocks.
I’ve never had so much ass as in all my life as I did in Fort Wayne last year during a “Promise Keepers” convention. The women were coming out of the woodwork. It was like they’d just been released from prison. Some day, after all the kids have gone to bed, I’ll telll you about it.
Your behavior, both of you, is absolutely shameful and you should be embarrassed.
I guess Nat King Cole had bad taste too, then:
Gone, gone, gone with the draft…
When skinny me went out with my honey, the boys all started to laugh;
But now it’s not so funny — they’re all gone with the draft.
As a shiek, I can’t be beat — the boys all hand me a laugh.
But since I have got flat feet, I’m not gone in the draft.
I used to envy the fellows who had such fine physiques;
But all they can say is “Hello” on seven-fifty a week.
When the boys get back and see how I’m doin’,
they’ll be sorry they laughed;
‘Cause one can’t keep on wooing and still be gone with the draft.
When Franklyn D did sign the draft, the cats all had a chill;
The boys turned pale and ceased to laugh, ’cause this is a serious bill.
They now realize that skinny me was the luckiest one of all,
Who can stay at home with Minnie, while they face the canon balls.
So boys, take it on the chin, and always wear a smile;
You’ll find it hard to win carryin’ fifty pounds for miles.
When your year of drill is up, you get your calves discharged,
You can come back home and freshen up, and run around at large.
Gone, gone, gone, gone with the
Draft, draft, draft, draft.
yes, but think how much easier it will make it to access the antarctic Stargate..
Do you think that people would buy a pamphlet entitled, “How to score with the wives of men serving in Iraq,” if I ran a little ad in the back of Rolling Stone or something? How many do you think that I could sell if I were asking $3 a piece?
The Siberian peat bogs are also thawing, which will release huge amounts of methane, warming our little globe even faster. Time to go peddle hipboots to Siberians!