i may have complimented it, but i didn’t want it

It hasn’t been verified yet, but at some point last night, after I gulped down the last of my giant beer and left Brett sitting alone at the bar, he apparently got the urge to hack off his distinctive locks. At least that’s what he’s claiming on his site… I’m trying to play back our conversation in my head, wondering if I might have said something in jest that he might have taken seriously, like “If you really loved me, you’d shave your head,” or “I’d love a vest woven from your hair.” Nothing comes to mind, but maybe I’m blocking it out… Or, maybe we made some kind of wager that I can’t remember. Maybe we arm-wrestled, or played pool for his hair. Or, maybe I told him that I fancied it and wanted to wear it for a while… Regardless of the reason, he’s posted a photo at his site of his hair without him, and it’s making me sad. It’s also scaring me… I’m afraid to open my front door. I’m afraid that maybe it’s out there waiting for me, in a box, like a curse. “What if,” I wonder, “someone stuck him with it years ago in a bar, and now, after years of looking, he’s finally found someone (me) to push it off on?” Jesus, I hope he didn’t get me to sign something.

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  1. Tony Buttons
    Posted June 10, 2005 at 8:44 am | Permalink

    I hope he donated the hair to Locks of Love, or their merkin equivalent – Merkins of Compassion. (It’s a conservative group, but their purpose in nobel.)

  2. Posted June 10, 2005 at 3:49 pm | Permalink

    Maybe it’s like a monkey’s paw and you’ll get three wishes. But they’ll be evil wishes, so be careful.

  3. john galt
    Posted June 10, 2005 at 5:25 pm | Permalink

    Guess Don King called and wanted his hair back.

  4. mark
    Posted June 10, 2005 at 7:23 pm | Permalink

    When I got home from work this evening, there was an unexpected box on the front door step, about the size of Brett’s severed head. For a moment, I was scared.

  5. Posted June 12, 2005 at 11:07 am | Permalink

    mark- maybe if you tried making eye contact with people once in a while, you would have realized my hair had already been cut at the meeting.

    tony- i don’t think locks of love really wants 2″-long pieces of hair, to be honest.

    john galt- brilliant and original, as usual.

  6. Posted June 12, 2005 at 8:59 pm | Permalink

    Locks of Love sells hairs shorter than 10″ to doll makers.

  7. chris
    Posted June 12, 2005 at 10:07 pm | Permalink

    Tony, how old are you that you’re making hilarious and dated references to a merkin? Good God Man, a merkin…a merkin! You’ve outdone yourself sir! I bow down to your arcane references.

  8. mark
    Posted June 12, 2005 at 10:49 pm | Permalink

    Wait, didn’t you say on your site that you shaved your head, Brett? Or, did I just read that into what you wrote? I did notice, when we saw each other that night, that you had trimmed your hair. But, that’s not what I thought that you were referring to in your post. I thought, based upon what I read, that you got home after drinking with me and finished the job.

    I feel taken advantage of.

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