family values on parade

By now you’ve no doubt heard about the anti-gay Republican mayor of Spokane, Washington getting caught soliciting young gay men for sex and offering local government internships in return. And, you’ve probably heard about Bush’s nominee for the United Nations, John Bolton, and the charges that he coerced his wife into servicing multiple partners in the New York swingers’ club Plato’s Retreat. And you may have even read about Dr. W. David Hager, the obstetrician-gynecologist author of the book “How Jesus Cared for Women,” that Bush appointed to the Advisory Committee for Reproductive Health Drugs in the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) in spite of the fact that he won’t prescribe birth-control to unmarried women, and the forced sodomy and spousal rape in his past. But, have you heard about anti-abortion extremist Neal Horsley and his live, on-air confession of having repeatedly fucked the mules on his farm in Georgia?

Of course, we’ll continue to call them the “family values” party because that’s what their literature says.

(Thanks to Arun for help with collecting these fine examples of upstanding Christian living.)

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  1. Posted May 13, 2005 at 11:04 am | Permalink

    How can these people be good repentant Christians if they haven’t sinned?

    It seems like the bigger sinner you “were” the more christians like you.

    So I suggest we all become satanists and partcipate in huge drug-induced orgies. Afterward we can become god-fearing republicans and talk about how we were delivered from hell by Jesus.

    Then we can take over the country and make everyone miserable and less free.

  2. Ken
    Posted May 13, 2005 at 11:27 am | Permalink

    Fucking mules is normal? I worry about the state that I have decided to make home!

  3. Ken
    Posted May 13, 2005 at 11:32 am | Permalink

    BTW, the more I read about that guy the more nutty he sounds. I think he did himself no harm. Now if Alan Combs can some how get Ralph Reed to talk about how he fucked goats, that would be a story.

  4. Tony Buttons
    Posted May 13, 2005 at 12:31 pm | Permalink

    I don’t want to give any of them the benefit of the doubt, but perhaps Horsely means “mule” as in an illegal alien smuggling cocaine into the country.

  5. mark
    Posted May 13, 2005 at 9:53 pm | Permalink

    Isn’t the mascot of the Democratic party the mule?

    Maybe this all makes sense somehow.

  6. Ken
    Posted May 13, 2005 at 10:12 pm | Permalink

    I wonder if he was having “hetrosexual” sex with that mule or if he was doing it in the butt. If it was the latter, it could of been a political statement based on Mark’s comment.

  7. Posted May 14, 2005 at 9:51 am | Permalink

    one possible explanation is that, in nearly all cases, mules are sterile. perhaps the animal was selected so that there was no chance it would end up “In a family way”.

    mark, the democratic mascot is a donkey, not a mule. I assume you knew this but were just trying to be an ass.

  8. Posted May 14, 2005 at 10:19 am | Permalink

    it looks like mr. horsely has been kind of/sort of proposing going on a hunger strike, complete with a photoshopped image of his mouth wired shut (just to see what it will look like, i guess). seems to be his personal site.

    my favorite bit is him doing a historical role-playing skit as sam adams, which you can download here.

  9. Anonymatt
    Posted May 14, 2005 at 1:28 pm | Permalink

    Oh, yeah, I thought Neal Horsely sounded familiar. Mark, you may remember I reviewed the site (now defunct) in CW#7. This was one of those pages where to demonstrate how depraved things could be on the internet, these Christians copied all sorts of gay and bestiality porn to their own page for criticism. I think there was only woman/dog sex, nothing with man/mule.

    After the review I later learned he was the guy behind “the Nuremborg Pages” (I think that was what it was called) where they listed the names and personal info of abortion doctors and crossed off the names whenever an anti-abortion nut murdered one of the people.

  10. mark
    Posted May 14, 2005 at 11:37 pm | Permalink

    Hager just got booted from the FDA.

  11. Doug Skinner
    Posted May 15, 2005 at 7:35 pm | Permalink

    There seem to be a lot of Christians into swinging: see for some of the inventive Biblical excuses.

    I suspect Satanists are too aristocratic to mix well at orgies.

  12. mark
    Posted May 15, 2005 at 9:06 pm | Permalink

    Doug, would you consider going undercover for Crimewave? I could make you some business cards saying “Doug Skinner, Christian Swinger.”

    And, Matt, I think you’re right. That is the same guy… I suspect that most people who devote that much energy to demonizing something are probably hiding something.

    Brett, I couldn’t see the Sam Adams piece… Can you describe it?

  13. Doug Skinner
    Posted May 16, 2005 at 1:26 am | Permalink

    No woman gets me unless she can chug a tube of champagne, look me dead in the eye, and say “Doug Skinner Christian Swinger” thirteen times fast.

  14. Posted May 16, 2005 at 11:21 am | Permalink

    the sam adams portrayal consists of a static, 8-minute long shot of neal in a powdered wig, giving a “Ghost interpretation” (which means a historical figure acting like they know what’s happened since their death), in which he basically says the american revolution happened because previous governmental systems were contrary to god’s will, and that’s why we won, and following that ‘logic’ the current abortion laws are also contrary to god’s will, so therefore a big bloody rebellion is coming soon that is guaranteed to succeed.

    He could have said all that in 30 seconds, but like i said it takes 8 minutes. Not really worth watching. Elsewhere he uses historical themes insofar as co-opting the abolitionist movement to describe anti-abortion protesters.

    Go to This Page, scroll half-way down, and you’ll find the main link to the sam adams bit along with a few stills of him in costume. You’ll probably spend an hour looking at all the stuff that comes before that on the page, though.

  15. Posted May 18, 2005 at 12:53 am | Permalink

    family values on parade

  16. Posted May 19, 2005 at 3:30 am | Permalink

    family values on parade
    family values on parade

  17. Posted May 20, 2005 at 3:29 am | Permalink

    I’m not going to take the word of a Bush-hating left-wing maniac with anonymous sources.

    But if Bolton and his wife did go to a swingers’ club, as they say in Australia: “Good on ya, mate!” I hope they enjoyed it!

    You can’t keep a good man down.

  18. Stella
    Posted May 20, 2005 at 8:55 am | Permalink

    First of all, Mr/Ms Varones, the issue is not whether he swings, it is whether he he used male dominance to coerce/force his wife into sexual acts she was unwilling to engage in.
    Secondly its a valid question of hypocrisy as the new regime wants to monitor and control every aspect of our sexual beings.
    Thirdly you alledge to be some type of Libertarian, if the government was in the process of seizing control of all the personal facets of your own fate, in your own country, I dont think you’d be so bloody cheery mate.

  19. Posted May 20, 2005 at 8:58 am | Permalink

    i realize the swinger lifestyle mentioned in the original post might interest you more, but we were actually trying to have a serious conversation about mule-fucking here.

  20. Tony Buttons
    Posted May 20, 2005 at 10:38 am | Permalink

    That’s anal mule fucking, Brett.

  21. Posted May 20, 2005 at 10:54 am | Permalink


  22. Tony Buttons
    Posted May 20, 2005 at 11:08 am | Permalink

    Aren’t you supposed to be on a bus to Cleveland to meet your adopted family?

  23. Posted May 20, 2005 at 11:12 am | Permalink

    no, i cancelled the trip so i could sit here all weekend debating with john galt.

    just kidding. i leave in 2 hours.

  24. Tony Buttons
    Posted May 20, 2005 at 11:16 am | Permalink

    You will be missed. Have a safe trip.

    I’ll text message you if Mr. Galt should admit to buggering mules in your absence.

  25. Posted May 20, 2005 at 4:25 pm | Permalink

    Tony Buttons- where did you get the anal part? How do you know it wasn’t just plain vanilla mule fucking?

    Stella- there’s no evidence to suggest anything was coerced at all. Flynt is a raging anti-Bush psycho, and he’s produced no evidence at all. The only “smoking gun” he links to is the court paper from the divorce, which contains absolutely no allegations about coercion and is just a very ordinary divorce case.

  26. john galt
    Posted May 20, 2005 at 6:18 pm | Permalink

    I’m guessing the anal part came from Mark’s (tony’s) obsession with gay sex.. Of course he’s only concerned with republican gay sex.. You’ll never see anything on this site concerning Barney Frank and his male prostitutes. I guess he feels acusing someone of having gay sex is the ultimate in insults.. If they engaged in gay sex then you should disregard anything they’ve ever said… As always this only applies to republicans.. I really don’t know why its so important, there are straight dems and there are gay republicans… can’t we all just get along and not devolve into this sort of nastiness?

  27. Stella
    Posted May 20, 2005 at 6:56 pm | Permalink

    I distinctly remember reading that story several years ago, in an average daily newspaper, that was definitely not a Flynt publication, and at that time the wife was the accuser.
    I rarely follow links from this (or any) site as I for the most part research on my own and generally prefer both hard copy and to draw my own conclusions.

  28. mark
    Posted May 21, 2005 at 1:53 pm | Permalink

    I have a problem with hypocrisy. That’s it. Gay sex is fine. Having anal sex with your wife is fine. Anything between consenting adults is fine. (Mule fucking, in my opinion, crosses the line.) I have a problem with people telling me how to live my life though, especially when they

  29. Posted May 21, 2005 at 2:48 pm | Permalink

    “Don’t assrape as I say, not as I do.” – John Birch

  30. Posted May 21, 2005 at 6:18 pm | Permalink

    “…nor as I assrape” – – John Birch

  31. Posted December 2, 2005 at 12:38 am | Permalink

    family values on parade

  32. Posted December 2, 2005 at 1:17 am | Permalink

    family values on parade

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