white house piss pool

I don’t know that she’ll take me up on it (hopefully she won’t), but I just offered the creative services of the mm.com community to adult actress Kami Andrews (NSFW). I know that you’re probably staring at your computer screen, saying, “But, Mark, I can’t write for the adult cinema,” but I’m confident that if we work together we can deliver one hell of an interesting script for the newest member of the mm.com family. (Kami, for those of you who haven’t been reading the comments section, has been posting here since earlier this week, when I wrote about her very disturbing visit to the Howard Stern show.) So, if you have any ideas, let’s hear them.

Here, to get the ball rolling, is an idea that I’ve been kicking around… I know it’s kind of far out, but what if a super-secret group of Republican political operatives began grooming prostitutes to be members of the White House press pool? Or, better yet, what about an adult film set inside an organization like Brent Bozell’s Media Research Center or Pat Robertson’s 700 Club? We could tell the story of a young intern whose job it is to monitor broadcast media and write reports on the depravity of the content… The plot, from there, should write itself.

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  1. Posted March 12, 2005 at 10:34 pm | Permalink

    sadly 99% of the porn I do most of the set up is about 45 seconds of the film.

  2. mark
    Posted March 13, 2005 at 4:50 pm | Permalink

    Unfortunately, I’ve not had the pleasure of seeing your work, Kami. I just assumed that films like Big Tit Prison 2 would have required some sort of narrative.

    I had something bigger in mind, but if you only need 45 seconds of plot, I think we can do that too. Are there any other parameters that we should be aware of? What elements need to be included? Spit? Piss? Vomit?

  3. Posted March 14, 2005 at 4:56 am | Permalink

    the vast majority of my films are gonzo (no plot at all) the ones that had plot we ad lib when we get to set, we make it up as we go.
    The new one “Texas Asshole masacre” has a huge plot but we rewrote the role of the dildo once we starterd.
    Piss is not legas in the US, i personally have a pee fetish so O usually piss on people or get peed on, butI’m not supose to. I don’t vomit (much) thats the other contract girl and I don’t love spit.
    I’m taking the comment at face value :)

  4. Posted March 14, 2005 at 9:50 am | Permalink

    Piss isn’t legal in the US?

    I guess 9-11 really did change everything.

  5. Posted March 14, 2005 at 4:45 pm | Permalink

    Are you new brett? Piss is editied out of all the porn destined for the American market. So is most BDSM. Echos of puritanism.

  6. Posted March 14, 2005 at 5:04 pm | Permalink

    i think BDSM is more like a reenactment of puritanism.

  7. Posted March 14, 2005 at 5:29 pm | Permalink

    “‘Texas Asshole masacre’ has a huge plot…” Heheh. That shouldn’t amuse me, but it does.

  8. mark
    Posted March 15, 2005 at 7:35 am | Permalink

    I would think that there would be lots of opportunity for anti-Republican messaging in a film about Texas assholes… If there’s a sequel, Kami, I’d like to have a shot at the script. Please.

  9. Posted March 15, 2005 at 10:20 am | Permalink

    okay, two things here.

    first off, Mark, you seem very interested in being a screenwriter for the porn industry (of course, who wouldn’t?). Based on what Kami has said, though, it doesn’t seem like there really IS such a profession. What you need to do is most likely start at the ‘bottom’ and work your way up, so that when, as she says, the crew and talent meet on the set, you can be there to step forward and pitch your plot ideas. Good luck with that.

    Now, on a more serious note, regarding the above piss legality. I don’t think there is actually a federal law saying specifically that it’s illegal to piss on someone and film it. What it seems to come down to is that current obscenity laws are based largely on ‘the values of the local community’, so that we in turn see a lot of federal cases re-located to more conservative venues for trial (which, interestingly enough, is the exact sort of “Jury-shopping” that bush wants to eliminate with his attack on class action suits).

    Once a location is found to be reasonable (i.e., mark posts something questionable on his site (which he’d obviously never do), and then a reader in B.F.E. sees it and, as it’s technically ‘in their community’ via the internet, they can prosecute there. Then it comes down to justifying ambiguities like ‘artistic or scientific value’, as well as applying the content- and here’s where it gets real tricky- to the laws of that state, which could include such bizarre details as simply saying ‘”sodomy” is illegal here’, and as such then you’re guilty of filming an illegal act, which is in itself against the law.

    ANYWAY, back to the original subject, i think mark’s hypothetical plot should involve a character named John Ass-croft, who has a statue fetish and sings “On Eagle’s Wings” when he reaches orgasm. He is possibly hired by the 700 club or whatever to oversee their smut-monitoring department, and Kami (a new intern they’ve hired) slowly convinces him that he needs to not only watch the porn to better combat it, but also should PRACTICE all the deviations himself so that he’ll know how it feels. Sex scenes follow, some of them get filmed and end up in the wrong hands, Ass-croft gets exposed, etc, wackiness ensues.


  10. chris
    Posted March 15, 2005 at 8:05 pm | Permalink

    Good God Brett, this is pure genius. As a closet porn watcher (Skinemax Bikini Airlines and This Old House) I might just come on OUT if there was a satirical component. Not since Edward Penishands has such a plot sounded so, Oh, I don’t know…fresh?

  11. Posted March 15, 2005 at 10:30 pm | Permalink

    omg gyus the company I work for doesnt even hide the anti Republican message. We have a chick in a Bush mask eating ass. The cover of our magazine has Lizzy Bordon punching Bush in the face. we even Raped some Republican. Of course we are being prosucuted! Fucking ashcroft started with us and our case was recently dismissed but now they shopped it to another circuit and are appealing. Our defense is that Internet shouldn’t have a community standard for obsenity because no one in the community sees it. heres a link to all the legal crap I’m fucking up
    because well, I take it in the ass from strange men,my boss deals with taking it from the government.

    As to the pissing thing, your 100% right its potentially obscene not illegal, i just thought writing “It’s potentially onscene to pee on people in the US” had way to many big words that I would most likely mispell.

    The deal on American piss is if you have no sexual contact its ok to pee on them and its ok to just pee (sqirt) haha

    MM your blog is cool but Terry is bringing in the uneducated element you should put in a spell check!

  12. mark
    Posted March 15, 2005 at 10:53 pm | Permalink

    I’m just glad that people are interested enough to leave comments, Kami. Sure, it’s nice when every word in a phrase like, “we have a chick in a Bush mask eating ass” is spelled correctly, but I don’t think it’s imperative. All that matters is that you get the point across.

  13. brett
    Posted March 16, 2005 at 10:29 am | Permalink


    Thanks for the various images of republican degredation. I’m sure i speak for everyone when i say our respect for the porn industry just went up a notch.

    I followed the link to the discussion board and noticed that even within the industry, there seems to be a lot of hostility towards the ‘Extreme’ company involved in the lawsuit. Is this just the result of general professional jealousy, or is there more to it than that?

    and finally, to get back to the patriotic magnetic ribbon thread for a moment,


  14. Posted March 17, 2005 at 8:47 am | Permalink

    Im under contract with Extreme so Im not really the best person to ask about why people hate us :)

    The easy answer is that we(porners) have always tried to operate in the shadows and do our thing under the radar. Rob Black (owner of extreme) is like Fuck That we arnt doing anything wrong. Rob pretty much challenged the government to come after him an they did. If the case goes bad its bad for all of Porn. if it goes well its good for all of porn, So basically Rob took a chance with a lot of peoples livlyhood.
    Rob used to make the most extreme shit out there. Fisting Puking Spit Choking Fake Rape Fake murder. A lot of Porners think this is asking for trouble, and if we keep churning out vivid crap the goverment will leave us alone!

  15. brett
    Posted March 17, 2005 at 10:21 am | Permalink

    when you say that rob USED TO make the most extreme shit, does this mean that he’s backed off the more controversial subject matter due to the current legal action?

    It does sound like the case is going fairly well, from the links you gave, but I guess it comes down to the next stage of ‘jury shopping’ as i mentioned earlier, since the case might get re-tried. Now that Mr. Ashcroft isn’t the Attorney General, I wonder if there might be a loss of momentum in pushing the issue.

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