howard stern and what we might expect

A few months ago, shortly after it was announced that Howard Stern would be moving his program over to satellite radio, news came out that his former boss at Viacom (the company that presently distributes Stern’s show via terrestrial radio), Mel Karmazin, would be joining him at Sirius Satellite Radio. In the days after accepting the position as CEO of Sirius, Karmazin told the press that he was excited by the prospect of building a new industry, and that he was confident that Howard would bring not only his huge audience with him, but also a great deal of advertising revenue. As I was under the impression that satellite radio was (like HBO) ad-free, I just took this to be a misstatement by an exec who was used to speaking in terms of the more traditional, ad-driven model of terrestrial radio… Well, it seems as though it might not have been a misstatement. According to recent articles, if you read between the lines, it’s being suggested that non-music satellite radio channels might not be advertising-free. (If this were the case, you’d essentially be paying $12 a month to hear ads.) So, if you were going out to purchase a Sirius receiver in hopes of hearing an ad-free version of Stern’s show, you might want to hold on for a while and see how things develop.

While we’re on the subject of Stern’s show, I also wanted to mention a few other things. First of all, you might have noticed that I removed the link to his site from the right hand column. I first put it up there in late ’04, during a time when he was actively campaigning against Bush. I’d been a fan of his since the early 80’s, when I listened his show on WNEW in New York, but it seemed to me as though he’d been going down hill for years, trying to increase market share by exploring the depths of human depravity. In the run up to the election, however, I saw a spark of what I’d liked about him at the beginning. At his best, Howard Stern can, as he proved at that time, still be one hell of a cultural critic. Unfortunately, since the election, he’s retreated back into the realm of the lowest common denominator. If you listen now, it’s 85% porn. And, the cutting social comments are few and far between. Sure, there’s the occasional glimpse of subversive brilliance, but more often than not it’s base sexual humor over a soundtrack of women gagging during oral sex. There’s no subtlety, just in-your-face boundary pushing for the sake of boundary pushing.

On Friday morning, on the way to work, I was listening to Stern’s show. I might try to listen again one day, but I think I’m done for now. (That’s the second thing I wanted to mention.) I, apparently, draw the line at hearing women be spat on. I learned that about myself Friday morning as I sat in traffic. (If you’d like to know what I’m talking about, and if you aren’t too squeamish, you can read a play by play of the episode here, or hear an audio clip here.)

While I’m still not a fan of censorship, or of the Republicans’ recent suggestion that they might want to step in and start regulating “decency” on pay television and radio channels, I do have to wonder where the line is. And I wonder how far Stern will go, assuming that legislators don’t follow him into space with threats of multi-million dollar fines.

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  1. terry
    Posted March 7, 2005 at 12:33 am | Permalink

    Just be glad you don’t live down South and have to listen to the John Boy and Billy Show in the mornings. I’d rather listen to nails on a chalkboard.

    P.S. Kami Andrews is one of my lj friends. I like the porn quotes on her website.

  2. Tony Buttons
    Posted March 7, 2005 at 11:16 am | Permalink

    If you get a chance to ask her, Terry, I’d be interested to know her perspective on this incident.

    Do you think that she might be up for a little Q&A from the readers? If she’d be willing to field a few, I’d like to ask her something about her longrange career aspirations. From an outsider’s perspective it seems as though the lifecycle of females in this industry is fairly short (with the typical career path having them paid less and less for progressively demeaning work), and I’d like to know how she plans to avoid that fate.

  3. Posted March 7, 2005 at 2:20 pm | Permalink

    So mark, after all these years listening to Stern and now you’re offended? And just for a little spitting? Lighten up man, it’s just spit.

  4. Teddy Glass
    Posted March 7, 2005 at 3:11 pm | Permalink

    I guess fluids are fluids. Once you start accepting one sort from strangers, you might as well take them all.

  5. Teddy Glass
    Posted March 7, 2005 at 3:13 pm | Permalink

    And I forgot to mention this article:

    “Few believe the FCC will begin policing cable and satellite, but some see the decency battle as a way to force cable companies to offer a la carte pricing and broader channel options.”

    Link: ?trk=nl

  6. terry
    Posted March 7, 2005 at 3:38 pm | Permalink


    Kami seemed ok with it and she writes about her Stern appearance extensively on her journal. I’m not sure what her longterm goals are but she seems to have a few other things going besides the videos.

  7. chris
    Posted March 7, 2005 at 9:05 pm | Permalink

    Anybody see Time Out New York this week? ABout the women who contact this guy for a demeaning evening, his last event was a hooded gang bang (the gang bangers) ala Eyes Wide Shut. Here’s the thing, the woman pays him.

  8. mark
    Posted March 7, 2005 at 10:41 pm | Permalink

    There’s just something about that audio clip that I find really offensive. Yes, the guy did ask if it was OK if he spat in her face before doing so, and, yes, she apparently makes her living being spat on and degraded in porn, but there’s still something about that clip that makes me feel as though they’ve gone too far. I’m sure that everyone has a different line. This just happened to be mine. And I’m not suggesting that they fine Stern. (I would never wish such a thing on a fellow OCD sufferer). I’m just saying that I don’t think I’ll be tuning in anymore.

    …As for you, Chris, is there something that you want to confess to?

    …And Terry, I had no idea that you traveled in such fast circles. My internet friends are Prarie Muffins in comparison… If you do have a chance to mention it to her, though, I would be curious to hear what she has to say. (I looked at her site, but she didn’t go into much detail about that particular exchange.) If you don

  9. Posted March 8, 2005 at 12:14 am | Permalink

    Steven-thanks man I agree with you 100%

    I get that some people think spit is icky, but to tune out Howard every day over it? Do you worry that Sal will spit on a chick every day? If you have lost all respect for him well that’s cool I can appreciate that. I got pissed over one line in a Golden Girls episode and never watched again. Every one has entertainment deal breakers.

    As far as my thoughts on the incident, I don’t consider it an incident at all. In fact Sal spit on me last time I was on it was just off camera. I’m washable.

    My long term career goal is to be a documentary film maker. I am however about to be mac certified in FCP. I have skills to be an editor,shooter or open my own post house.
    I would like to stay in this business in some aspect because I love it.
    I am in a year contract with Extreme ( it has puking be warned) so i will be an adult actress at least till next November. They have a second year option.

    I’m curious as to where you got the idea that we are paid less and less? I have seen rates go nothing but up since I started the biz. please provide a source.

    As for Terry in fast circles hah I’m surprised to find him here, but snack food unites!!

    If you want to email me any questions feel free and I will answer them the best I can.

    The problem I face in porn is I get kind of out of touch with reality, I’m surrounded by porn people and I forget how something would have affected me before I started seeing it every day. I’m always fucking up by saying or doing the wrong thing because it seems normal to me. I’m not the sort of girl you have over for thanksgiving anymore. point being I do appreciate hearing how the average person perceives me, it’s kinda a reality check.

    If I had it to do over I would still let sal spit on me, hell I offered to let him pee on me off camera because I really like him. He declined as his wife wouldn’t approve.

  10. brett
    Posted March 8, 2005 at 12:30 am | Permalink

    wait, wait, wait. Go back. I need to clarify something.

    Are you saying that you’ve been pissed on by Bea Arthur? Is that why they called it ‘Golden Girls’?

    And i think when tony asked about pay rates changing, he meant over many years of gravity taking its effects. I had personally supposed that the ‘milf genre’ was essentially the porn industry’s version of the aarp, but i could be mistaken.

  11. Dick Cheney's Extending Taint
    Posted March 8, 2005 at 3:15 am | Permalink


    I can totally relate!

    The problem I face in corporate America is I get kind of out of touch with reality, I’m surrounded by corporate people and I forget how something would have affected me before I started seeing it every day. I’m always fucking up by saying or doing the wrong thing because it seems normal to me.

  12. mark
    Posted March 8, 2005 at 7:19 am | Permalink


    I need to leave for work in a minute, so this will have to be short, but I just wanted to say that I appreciate your stopping in and offering to answer questions…. I feel like I might have actually made it as a blogger, having been quoted by the BBC and exchanged emails with a porn personality in the same day. Thank you for making that happen.

    As for the incident with Sal, like I said, I just found it mean-spirited, even in the context of Howard’s show, which I’ve been listening to for about 20 years now. I’m glad that you didn’t see it the same way.

    Thanks again for dropping in.


  13. Posted March 8, 2005 at 9:00 am | Permalink

    Brett you made milk come out of my nose

  14. Teddy Glass
    Posted March 8, 2005 at 9:11 am | Permalink

    Are you sure it was milk?

  15. brett
    Posted March 8, 2005 at 10:02 am | Permalink

    …and more importantly, does squirting milk out of your nose fulfill some marketable fetish niche?

    If so, I’m glad i could help develop your talents. I spent hours meticulously crafting that comment, debating whether it would be funnier to get pissed on by estelle getty or bea arthur, ruling out the perpetually submissive betty white immediately.

    I think the plot of ‘Maude’ would have been greatly enhanced if she occasionally engaged in degradation of the other characters (her husband, archie bunker, conrad bean, etc) by such overt methods.

    “God will get you for that, Walter. Now open your mouth.”

  16. be OH be
    Posted March 8, 2005 at 10:08 am | Permalink

    Stop Brett!
    Now there’s milk coming out of MY nose … and I’m not even drinking milk!

    I think Estelle’s character would be more likely to engage in that activity but Bea definately makes the funny funnier.

  17. Tony Buttons
    Posted March 8, 2005 at 10:21 am | Permalink

    From the Museum of Broadcasting archives:

    “Maude, the socially controversial, sometimes radical sitcom featuring a strong female lead character played by Bea Arthur, ran on CBS from 1972 to 1978. Like its predecessor All in the Family, Maude was created by Norman Lear’s Tandem Productions. Maude Findlay was first introduced as Edith’s liberal, outspoken, spit-covered whore of a cousin from suburban Tucahoe, New York on an episode of All in the Family in 1972 before spinning off later that year to her own series set in upper middle-class Tucahoe where she lived with her fourth husband, Walter “gag on this” Findlay, her divorced, cum-loving daughter Carol, and Carol’s young son Phillip “goatsee” Smith. The Findlay’s also went through three housekeepers during the run of the series, the first of whom, Florida Evans, left in 1974 to her own spin-off, Good Times. These three shows, among others, comprised a cadre of 1970s Norman Lear urban sitcoms that raised social and political issues and dealt with them in a manner as yet unexplored in television sitcom. Despite the repeated references to shit-eating and autoerotic asphyxiation, Maude enjoyed a spot in the top ten Nielsen ratings during its first four seasons.”

  18. Tony Buttons
    Posted March 8, 2005 at 10:22 am | Permalink

    Be OH Be, are you sure it was your nose?

  19. chris
    Posted March 8, 2005 at 10:23 am | Permalink

    This post was far less unnerving than the Japanese butt fish ladies. I wonder what Kami thinks. I don’t know Kami, I think you have every right to be spit on if this is what you want. I just don’t think that he has the right to spit on unless YOU paid him to. His incentive has to be something more than the desire to demean you. I am not saying that is what it was (ie-I don’t think you were demeaned), but it definately has the opportunity to engender that attitude. But if you paid him…well then…its OK? Like Walmart in Staten Island.

  20. be OH be
    Posted March 8, 2005 at 10:32 am | Permalink

    Well it’s the thing I blow a few times a day.
    Isn’t that the nose?

  21. Ken
    Posted March 8, 2005 at 10:36 am | Permalink

    I would think that sullying the good name of Bea Arthur would be much worse than a bit of someone’s saliva getting on your face. She would be rolling in her grave if not for the fact that she is still alive. Indeed, when does a show (or site) go over the line?

  22. be OH be
    Posted March 8, 2005 at 10:44 am | Permalink

    What time is it?

  23. brett
    Posted March 8, 2005 at 10:59 am | Permalink

    be oh be-

    is this a trick to get us to say “it’s howdy doody time”, and then unleash a flood of scatology jokes?


    your last comment made me cry. No wait- that was smoke from my cigarette. FYI, I just looked up bea fan sites, and found:

    which has a FAQ that mentions her favorite show is none other than ‘South Park’, so i seriously doubt she would be too shocked by any of the maude fan fiction suggestions we’ve made.

  24. Ken
    Posted March 8, 2005 at 11:03 am | Permalink

    I wonder if she would all let us spit on her then.

  25. brett
    Posted March 8, 2005 at 11:20 am | Permalink

    she seems to be engaged in a one-woman stage tour right now, but maybe once that’s over with.

    in related news, i just learned that she was interviewed on howard stern once by stuttering john, and both she and stern are jewish.

    It just occurred to me that while i have a whole list of things i need to do today, i’m spending my time researching justifications for the assertion that bea arthur would not be offended by my suggestion that she should have engaged in piss fetishism on her various sitcoms. Perhaps in the big scheme of things this is truly the most noble pursuit, and well worthy of my concentration, but somehow i’m beginning to feel a small sense of guilt.

    (Ignore that last line, as i need to make one last trivial point- I just found out she’s also a spokesperson for PETA, so i’m sure she would agree with my previous endorsements of live mouse traps, thank you very much.)

  26. be OH be
    Posted March 8, 2005 at 12:00 pm | Permalink

    Wouldn’t it be great to open a beer and watch South Park with Bea Arthur? I’d love to experience that raunchy humor punctuated with her raspy cackling and knee slapping.

    “South Park with Bea Arthur” the new reality show coming to Fox this Fall. A split screen with the cartoon on one side and a tight shot of Bea’s face reacting to the episode.

    OK, now I’m scaring myself. Omit that last paragraph.

  27. brett
    Posted March 8, 2005 at 12:20 pm | Permalink

    be oh be- you could set it up with her in sillhouette at the bottom of the screen, sort of a ‘BeatriceSouthParkTheatre3000’ kind of design.

    In all seriousness, i’m surprised she hasn’t lent her voice to south park, considering they must know she’s a fan. To further complexify the synchronicity here, i’ve read that Norman Lear (creator of Maude) is also a big SP fan, and DID do a voice in the “I’m A Little Bit Country” episode.

  28. chris
    Posted March 8, 2005 at 3:22 pm | Permalink

    This was my favorite show when i was, however old I was when it was on, and I had absolutely no idea why. Of course, now I know.

  29. chris
    Posted March 8, 2005 at 4:25 pm | Permalink

    in the search for small clothespins for my son’s suzuki violin class I came across the website that described “pony play”…anybody?

  30. Posted March 8, 2005 at 5:33 pm | Permalink

    There’s an entire indoor “stable” in Washtenaw County devoted to pony play.

    Here’s a link to an account with photos of the inside.

    I would call this an advanced fetish where people get off on pretending to be horses or riding on people pretending to be horses.

    From what I gather they ride on each other and/or pull carts with the rider directing with a crop or whip.

  31. Posted March 8, 2005 at 7:53 pm | Permalink

    haha I wear the pony tail in “Not another Dyke Movie” and I’m wearing a pony bit on one of my pics on the free gallery. haha good times.

    I find the thought of bea arthur pissing on costars strokable (even though I hate her from that one offense) and why would SP know shes a fan shes kinda not churning out interest any more. no soap references?

  32. mark
    Posted March 8, 2005 at 10:38 pm | Permalink

    What are the people from the BBC going to think?

  33. mark
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 12:10 am | Permalink

    Kami, I don

  34. Posted March 9, 2005 at 1:10 am | Permalink

    I think its a great idea. I think you would find porn actors make a fuck of a lot more than mainstream. (I have a few mainstream friends on some pretty sucsessful shows) The budget would be more than you expect for talent if they think they are showing up for sex. However most porn chicks have a hard on to be “legit” so if you said it was a pilot they would prolly come cheap.
    They may fair well enough in a documentary but good luck getting decent acting out of em!
    You would be suprised at the amount of porn people on reality shows.
    I get dozens of emails a day from people who have a great idea for whatever and want me to do it on points, it makes you kinda jaded toward projects where you dont personally no some one.

  35. Posted March 9, 2005 at 2:09 am | Permalink

    okay, i give up.

    kami- WHAT was the offensive golden girls line that got you so hot and bothered (in the g-rated sense of the term)?

    My bea arthur/south park reference supposedly “comes from the horse’s mouth “(no fetishism intended, i swear, and wouldn’t even know how to categorize it if i had). She (Bea) said she’s a big fan. See the above link, and look at the ‘fibs and facts’.

    I would like to just say how wonderful it is to be here discussing this important matter, knowing that ‘the trolls’ are several threads over talking to themselves about how great wal-mart is.

  36. mark
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 8:03 am | Permalink

    Kami, you said we’d, “be suprised at the amount of porn people on reality shows.” I was wondering if you could ellaborate. Are you suggesting that there are people on shows now that have yet to be outed as porn actors and actresses?

    Please tell me it’s Trump’s right hand woman, Carolyn, from the apprentice.

  37. Posted March 9, 2005 at 9:32 am | Permalink

    I’m betting it’s gay porn actors. Remember that one with all they guys trying to be models?

  38. Anonymatt
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 7:53 pm | Permalink

    Actually, a former housemate of Mark and I had a sister who went on Oprah 2 or 3 times with made-up stories. Then later she sold her story of scamming Oprah to the Enquirer or some such magazine.

    I didn’t get a chance to post on this last weekend. I was listening to Stern on Friday morning and heard the whole thing. It did nauseate me, especially as they talked about how gross it was right after it happened. I think they went to a commercial right afterward, but I stuck around for the rest of the show.

    What I didn’t do was go to the website to see the picture of it. I also didn’t copy the photo and post it in a public forum to expose it to a bunch of other people in order to complain about it. This post reminded me of the people in this old post:

  39. chris
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 8:42 pm | Permalink

    Ok another topic which the Maude reference got me thinking about. You know what would be WAY cool? A 70’s channel. No, not that tvland bullshit. You know, a channel that had shows like when you were a kid (OK, when I was a kid). Starting out in the am
    -Japanimation (Kimba, Aqua Boy)
    -Sesame St. w/ the old timey clips (kids pushin around classic Tonkas) and Mr. Hooper (my brother cried when he died),
    -Electric Company
    -The Merv Griffin show
    -Then those crazy ass after school specials
    -Then old McNeil/Lehrers
    -a weekly line-up of Mary Tyler Moore, Bob Newhart, Maude, All in the Family all those shows
    -Topped off with alternating lame/cool ass 70’s flicks eg Serpico one night, Audrey Rose the next

    and interspersing this out of sight lineup? The original commercials!!!!!!!!

    Coke and a Smile
    Heinz anticipation
    Kaboom commercials
    VW bug
    Farrah/Joe Namath Electrashave

    Man, can’t one you readers make this happen!

    OK, I’ve been reading Jonathan Lethem’s “Fortress of Solitude”. But still, it could be cool.

  40. stella
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 9:21 pm | Permalink

    Its gotta have Gamorah and Ultraman

  41. chris
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 9:29 pm | Permalink

    WAIT details…Gamorah and Ultraman? Tell me more. Is that like a Japanese Davey and Goliath? No wait, ultraman…that is Japanese post Godzilla, more a Godzookie and the Smog Monster.

  42. stella
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 9:51 pm | Permalink

    Sorry, didnt mean to lump them together….
    gamorah is -Movie length giant, flying, fire pooting, turtle
    Ultraman is a freakish kinda razorheaded headed robot “from a distant planet land comes our hero Ultraman” serial

  43. chris
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 10:02 pm | Permalink

    Yes!!!!!!!!! Now I Remember!!!!!!!!!! Gamorah, that was some crazy shit.

  44. stella
    Posted March 9, 2005 at 10:15 pm | Permalink

    Yes, but most importantly, Gamorah is a friend to children

  45. Posted March 10, 2005 at 1:16 am | Permalink

    not like that sodom

  46. Teddy Glass
    Posted March 10, 2005 at 9:11 am | Permalink

    How about a “Sodom vs. Gamorah” movie, Kami? I’ll produce. It’ll be great. You could be be 100 stories tall, crushing Japanese people and fighting mosters between acts of sodomy. Have your agent call me.

  47. stella
    Posted March 10, 2005 at 10:57 am | Permalink

    I am SO going to see that
    Let us know when theres a release date
    Gratifyingly, when I awoke at 4 AM there was a Mothra movie on

  48. Posted March 11, 2005 at 5:58 am | Permalink

    Im seriously gonna suggest that movie be made. My friend/Director Ivan loves shit like that. Im sending him here.
    We have a perfect 50 foot women also!
    as a side note I would totally subscribe to the 70’s channel. I would pay as much as $30 a month but I would expect to see Griese and Bradshaw on monday nights.

  49. Ken
    Posted March 11, 2005 at 7:03 am | Permalink

    I think that baby would be direct to video. Unless you could get Tim Burton to direct. Or, you could get Icon, Mel Gibson’s company to take the project on and introduce the bloody wrath of God and then you will be able to market it to evangelicals deep and wide.

  50. mark
    Posted March 12, 2005 at 1:35 am | Permalink

    Kami, if you could tell me the kind of movie you’d like to make, I can harness the power of this community to come up with one hell of a kick-ass script, title, etc. I’m serious… All we would ask in return is a producer credit, and for the film to be preceded by a short ad for… Seriously, give us a shot… We’ll come up with something great.

  51. Posted March 12, 2005 at 10:37 pm | Permalink

    Oh yeah thats exactly how Producer credits work :)
    Thank you for the offer

    Ill hook you up with any ad you want if you can either
    A. Get Bea Arthur to let me pee on her
    or more realisticaly
    B. Help me prove bea arthur is a man

  52. mark
    Posted March 13, 2005 at 7:16 pm | Permalink

    I think she should be fairly easy to track down. Why don’t you send me a few vials of urine, Kami, and I’ll see what I can do.

  53. Lucile
    Posted November 17, 2005 at 10:19 am | Permalink


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