hi, my name is mark and i’m a swinger on the planet earth

Yesterday, I posted my idea for Linette’s tattoo. (It involved using the image of “Man and Woman” sent onboard the Pioneer 10 spacecraft… Scroll back a few posts to see it.) Well, reader Ken Boyd saw room for improvement. What you see here is his suggestion. As you’ll notice, not only did he substitute my head, but he generously lengthened the penis! If Linette doesn’t get this tattoo, I think it should be grounds for divorce.

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23 Comments

  1. Linette
    Posted February 27, 2005 at 10:32 pm | Permalink

    I’ve decided that I may be too much of a minimalist, or too fearful of commitment to get a tattoo.

    I’d like to dream up the most amazing, interesting, original, beautiful piece of art that would be timeless and wonderful but the idea is completely overwhelming, so instead I’m drawn to the classic sailor tattoos- a pirate with a knife in his teeth would be nice, or a busty mermaid. Other ideas include a Hello My Name Is tag, a tattoo for Clementine of our name, address and phone number, or maybe something useful- a small ruler along the inside of my index finger? But dwelling on potential ideas for tattoos is the best place for me- I think I should stay here.

    So I am writing to offer my certificate for 1 hour with the talented Zera at Ink For Life, a very well loved place here in Ypsi, to anyone who is interested in getting the tattoo Ken designed. It is beautiful and funny! Believe me, I would if I could. Instead one of you can have it.

    There are several of you out there with Mark Maynard tattoos already. Isn’t there a little bit of room for one more?

  2. JF
    Posted February 27, 2005 at 10:47 pm | Permalink

    I was actually thinking of taking this picture and somehow drawing it on the inside of the bottom of my toilet bowl. Oh how I would enjoy taking a dump…any takers on drawing this for me as I have no artistic ability at all?

  3. mark
    Posted February 27, 2005 at 11:12 pm | Permalink

    Awwwww…. Does my long, flacid cock make you jealous, Jerod?

  4. chris
    Posted February 27, 2005 at 11:44 pm | Permalink

    Why yes, JF. I would love to do this for you…just give me your address and I will be RIGHT over. After all, WWJD?

  5. brett
    Posted February 28, 2005 at 6:55 am | Permalink

    okay, i’ll get the tattoo, BUT it has to be 1:1 scale, covering the entire front of my body from head to toe, so that i can walk around nude with one arm raised and look exactly like that.

    which makes me wonder, incidentally, if a life-sized cardboard stand-up would be a possibility? I understand there’s a lady in pittsburgh expecting hooperman, but i’m sure she’d be pleasantly surprised by this replacement.

  6. Kristin
    Posted February 28, 2005 at 9:00 am | Permalink

    I could get this over the big map of Michigan I have on my hip. It would look like a giant greeter of some variety, welcoming visitors to the Great Lake State. Or maybe stopping them at the borders.

  7. brett
    Posted February 28, 2005 at 9:04 am | Permalink

    Linette-

    I love the ruler-finger idea, by the way. When i’m making eBay scans of small objects i generally put a ruler alongside for scale, and it would be great to just casually say “Please note that the tattoed finger in the image is in inches”

  8. JF
    Posted February 28, 2005 at 9:09 am | Permalink

    Mark,

    It does make me jealous. You stud!!

    J

  9. Ken
    Posted February 28, 2005 at 9:42 am | Permalink

    Linette, if I were you I would run with that ruler idea over a picture of your nekked husband. (That is more of an impulsive rockstar tattoo.) Your ruler can even have a point setting for measuring type.

  10. Teddy Glass
    Posted February 28, 2005 at 10:59 am | Permalink

    The other day I was eating at a local restaurant when I noticed that the woman waiting on my table had very low-riding jeans on. I also noticed that she had a great deal of razor stubble on the wide patch of exposed skin beneath her bellybutton. It was not appetizing. I would have much preferred to have looked down, and seen a smiling Mark Maynard waving to me from her crotch. I think Kristin’s idea is fabulous.

  11. Posted February 28, 2005 at 11:05 am | Permalink

    This is weird. I’ve dated three girls with this exact same tattoo.

  12. Posted February 28, 2005 at 3:56 pm | Permalink

    Heh. I ran into Linette at the Firehouse, and waved to you (though you looked more concerned and wary than anything else). I suggested a couple of those ideas, in fact.
    Although, perhaps a small sketch of Herve Villachez would also be acceptable (too reflexive?).
    She mentioned that you were having trouble with trolls on your site.
    “Mon dieu!” I said, though not in French, because I had only been reading your blog through the RSS (which doesn’t pick up the comments). And then I go to check out your interesting post on Social Security, and I see that anyone who doesn’t believe that Social Security needs to be rejiggered right now HATES AMERICA!
    Jeez. I always kinda liked it here. I mean, I always thought it’d be a bit nicer if it had national health care, and that Social Security was borne out of a recognization that we all should bear at least some responsibility for our fellow Americans, you know, out of love… But now I see that all that love I had been feeling was really hate!
    I don’t know what to do, Mark. I think that I’ll just go back to reading only the posts and not the comments, because I’m afraid to find out that I hate America more because I sometimes get the feeling that it acts toward the world like a drunk with a gun, aggressive and obnoxious, and that I think the America I know (the sober America who loves its parents and its kids) is really just some pinko that can’t deal with the True America keepin’ it real by whipping its cock out and threatening the bartenders…

  13. wormhole
    Posted February 28, 2005 at 4:22 pm | Permalink

    js -keep on tokin’. Socialism rocks.

  14. mark
    Posted February 28, 2005 at 7:54 pm | Permalink

    I like the idea of an army of little Mark Maynard’s peeping out from behind the waistbands of girls-gone-wild (GGW) everywhere… Speaking of GGW, do you think that there would be any interest in Girls of MM.com Gone Wild merchandise? I’m just asking because G. Gordon Liddy puts out a calendar featuring his female listeners every year and it appears to be quite popular

  15. mark
    Posted February 28, 2005 at 7:58 pm | Permalink

    (continued thought)… It could be a calendar done with a “We’re Liberal and We Hate America” theme! Just think of it.

  16. Ken
    Posted March 2, 2005 at 3:45 pm | Permalink

    Did anybody watch the Oscars the other night? My eyes about popped out when I saw what was popping out of that dress that Hilary Swank was wearing!

    http://zenvoid.home.comcast.net/swank.jpg

  17. Tony Buttons
    Posted March 2, 2005 at 4:06 pm | Permalink

    And, in an instant, Swank turns to skank. It’s like magic.

  18. chris
    Posted March 2, 2005 at 10:32 pm | Permalink

    Forget that! Is anyone watching Wife Swap on ABC right now!

  19. mark
    Posted March 2, 2005 at 10:40 pm | Permalink

    OK, I just turned it on… What should I be looking for? There’s a commercial on right now.

  20. chris
    Posted March 2, 2005 at 11:27 pm | Permalink

    Ok, was that not the wildest thing you’ve seen in a while? Did you hear acrylic tips say to hippie son that the reason she chooses to do all the housework is because Eve ate the apple and therefore condemned herself to dishpan hands! Then in the end she is crying that if she isn’t perfect her husband won’t love her and find someone else.

    See, I am convinced that hard core Republicans have some kind of subconscious self hate going on. Note, the key word here is subconscious.

  21. mark
    Posted March 2, 2005 at 11:41 pm | Permalink

    According to the born again woman who cornered me at a party not too long ago, life becomes much, much better once you submit completely to your husband… who, as the man, is like the Jesus of your family.

  22. chris
    Posted March 3, 2005 at 9:01 am | Permalink

    Mark,

    Um, I think that was code for…”pick my keys out of the bowl and I will let you tie me up”. And, BTW, everyone knows that Jesus was gay. He died a bachelor and hung out with men. Unless, of course, you believe that the Merovingian line of royalty was his offspring.

  23. Herve L
    Posted June 22, 2010 at 1:00 am | Permalink

    I like the idea, cool!

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