finally, a service for the busy filth-loving professional

It’s just been brought to my attention that Brent Bozell’s group, The Parents Television Council, has launched a new service for busy smut lovers that don’t have the time for television. They’ve begun posting clips of the most offensive things their banks of professionally prudish television watchers find during the course of the week… If I can make myself stay up a little later, I’m going to write them a letter thanking them, and asking if they might consider an annual compilation DVD (or maybe a system that would download their picks directly to my Tivo or cell phone).

And, if you’ve ever wondered what I aspire to, look no further than the OTC’s Celebrity Advisory Board. Many are the days I’ve spent just daydreaming about sitting around the boardroom with Hollywood heavyweights like Father Val Peter, the star of Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman, Jane Seymour, screenwriter William Blinn, and the great Billy Ray Cyrus. The power in that room must be intoxicating.

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  1. brett
    Posted February 22, 2005 at 11:01 am | Permalink

    The first thing i linked to on the site was the campaign titled “Keep them Innocent”, which goes to a whorish call for child talent (or “PTC Kidz’, as they call them), to star in photos and videos advertising the cause.

    My first thought, which i know was naive, was that somewhere on the website someone might actually suggest that perhaps one method of avoiding ‘bad’ television content is to simply not watch it.

    Of course, now that they’re distilling the ‘bad content’ for rapid download, I suppose the truth is they’re pandering to a group that enjoys watching the stuff, so long as they can claim it’s in an educational/watch-dog capacity, and then complain after the fact, and THEN go back and keep watching what they know are the worst programs to see if they show it again, hence improving their ratings, and insuring that they will not only stay on the air but also continue producing more and more offensive content.

    In the animal world, this is called ‘Symbiosis’.

  2. Posted February 22, 2005 at 11:17 am | Permalink

    Wow! Lucky thing I’m on a Mac and don’t have Windows Media Viewer installed (since the Mac version at least sucks). I’m totally protected from the smut they want to protect me from by exposing it to me in a format I can’t view. Thank you censors!

  3. brett
    Posted February 22, 2005 at 3:44 pm | Permalink

    I got pretty excited when i noticed you can start local chapters, but unfortunately there already is this listing for southeast michigan:

    Southeast Michigan Chapter

    Rich Coleman, Chapter Director
    P.O. Box 13052
    Ann Arbor, Michigan 48113
    (800) 849-5631

    (So, who wants to co-sponsor my membership fee? I can honestly say I don’t watch any of the shows they seem to dislike so much, so I would think they’d fucking love me! Oops, i meant to say ‘flipping’ love me. I’ll work on that before the first meeting. Maybe.)

  4. mark
    Posted February 22, 2005 at 5:56 pm | Permalink

    Brett, if there’s a membership fee, I’ll start up a collection here at All I’d ask in return is that you promise to post the minutes of your meetings… and the occasional covertly snapped photo.

  5. chris
    Posted February 22, 2005 at 6:09 pm | Permalink

    Yeah, this was on the DAily SHow last week and Stewart had some pretty hot clips downloaded from the website. And you should see this guy! He looks the type that would be driving around a late model Buick offering candy to Catholic school girls. If I remember correctly he had a full beard sans the mustache. You know, the creepy Gorton fisherman look.

  6. terry
    Posted February 22, 2005 at 6:43 pm | Permalink

    I’m surprised last Sunday’s The Surreal Life didn’t make that site. On the last episode former Go-Go Jane Wieldin held a little S&M fetish party in the house. ANTM winner Adrianne Curry got spanked wearing a thong while the guy who was Peter Brady sucked on some strange woman’s toes. It’s not often you see shrimping in primetime.

  7. john galt
    Posted February 22, 2005 at 7:05 pm | Permalink

    I’ve never watched without a trace, but after seeing the teen orgy scene Its going on the Tivo.

  8. mark
    Posted February 22, 2005 at 9:35 pm | Permalink

    I hope that doesn’t mean that we’ll see less of you around here, John….

    All this talk of the Surreal Life and the Daily Show is really making me wish that I hadn’t cancelled cable.

  9. chris
    Posted February 23, 2005 at 12:45 am | Permalink

    Trust me Clementine will be way better off as a result of your sacrifice. You will all get to spend all the more quality time together.

    I told my son the other night that he needed to go back to bed and I didn;t care how many monsters were tapping at his window, moomy and daddy were not missing the season premiere of the “L word”.

  10. mark
    Posted February 24, 2005 at 11:57 am | Permalink

    I don’t know if it’s smut or not, but as someone who’s home from work with a bllod-filled eye today, that orgy scene helped make me feel better.

  11. chris
    Posted February 24, 2005 at 10:04 pm | Permalink

    Did anyone see Arianna Huffington on the L word? I kid you not….

  12. mark
    Posted February 24, 2005 at 10:18 pm | Permalink

    It wouldn’t be the first time she’s changed teams.

  13. Anonymatt
    Posted February 24, 2005 at 10:29 pm | Permalink

    excellent pun, Mark.

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