For some reason, it didn’t really bother me when that guy sent in the image of my face on a butt plug. This image that I just received, however, freaks me out. Maybe it’s the idea of being consumed and digested (as opposed to just being shoved into someone’s rectum), or maybe it’s just the thought of being bitten in half. What ever it is, when I find out who sent it, I’ll be requesting a restraining order… And, I’ll be paying attention where I step for a while, as I don’t want to hear those fateful words, “Hey, you got your Maynard in my chocolate and peanut butter!“
I’m thinking that maybe it’s time for me to let this tiny branch of the internet just dry up and fall off.
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It’s all downhill from here.
I thought your face on the doll would have freaked you out more. Go figure. And don’t even think about drying out your branches. You can’t just give in to this kinda thing.
Two people are running through an airport terminal and suddenly the person in front stops short. The person behind him collides with a great deal of force. The man in front yells,
My son ended up with several of these last Halloween. We’re still trying to decide whether or not they’re safe to eat.
You don’t eat butt-plugs, you silly man.
And what kind of neighborhood are you raising your child in?
No, no, no. We knew right away that we shouldn’t eat the Maynard Butt Plugs. My son didn’t know what they were, so I told him they were binkies for babies.
“Wouldn’t they scare a baby?” he wanted to know.
“Yes, probably so. They scared me.”
I was tempted to search for “edible butt plugs” but I was afraid that I might find something… They would be great for Halloween though… Can you imagine?