Well, we held the Clementine Challenge on Friday night, as planned. During the course of the evening, 18 people sampled the three drinks we had prepared. Not only did they sample the drinks (on film), but they filled out questionnaires… One of the questions on the form asked the participants to rate each drink on a scale of one-to-five, with one being the worst, and five being the best… So, right now, I’m adding up the points awarded to each drink in hopes of determining a winner…
OK, here are the results…
Drink One:
Pulp of a Blood Orange, Cranberry Juice, Absolute Mandarin
56 pointsDrink Two:
Enfamil, Sprite, Triple Sec, Mashed Peaches, Zwieback Toast
58.5 pointsDrink Three
Peeled Clementines, Grenadine, Pineapple Juice, Sky Vodka
63.5
The winner is drink number three, created by Beth Abraham.
OK, I can accept that – it was a tasty drink, and I’ll be sending Ms. Abraham her prize. With that said, however, I have to tell you that drink number two, the one with the Enfamil and the mashed peaches, would have won if not for the fact that a few people rated it with a one. (Most of the other drinks received threes at worst.) Number two had the momentum. It’s fans were fanatical. It, in my opinion, and with all due respect to the other participants, should have won. Drink three, while delicious, in a tropical kind of way, didn’t confront people. It didn’t slap them in the face and say, “I’m a Clementine. I’m something completely new and different.” Number two did that. It shook people up. It challenged them. It was, for that reason, somewhat polarizing. It got ones and fives. It was either loved or hated.
As long as I’m talking about drink number two, I should mention that I tweaked the recipe a bit at the end. I not only added a wedge of a clementine on the rim, but I added a rule as to how the drink should be consumed.
1. Bite the teathing toast and chew.
2. Down the drink.
3. Bite the clementine.
It’s like doing a tequila shot with salt and a lemon.
Someday, I will make them again for another group and see if the results are the same… In the meantime, I will accept the wisdom of this first test group and announce that drink number three was the winner.
14 Comments
Mark, you’ve been posting a lot recently. What’s the deal?
This outcome does not match the exit polls. No doubt, Beth has found some sinister way to violate our cherished principles of democracy. There are too many reasons to doubt the legitimacy of the outcome:
– I was given tainted samples–it’s likely that Beth (or one of her spies) put extra ice cubes in her competitors’ drinks so as to dilute them.
– The number of votes rating drink number two as a “one” represents a statistical anomaly so opposed to reality that the fabric of the space-time continuum has been challenged.
– Everyone knows that Beth wants to be Clementine’s favorite. She’s always cutting in front of me when Clementine looks my way (or is she trying to save Clementine? I will have to contemplate this the next time I look in a mirror).
If you don
And I’ve heard rumors that the Vokda special interest group was giving people in the more Triple Sec-leaning democraphics incorrect information concerning where to find their polling places.
I didn’t realize that inventors of the drinks would be present at the taste test. It seem like they were there to intimidate the tasters. I would think that they would have to stay at least 100 feet away from the polling places. If I would of known, I would of sent some of my goons up there. See ya in court, buddy!!
It was my understanding that all the drinks needed to be stirred by Clementine’s foot in order to qualify for judging. Was this done?
Cheer up, Mark. The other drinks still exist, even if only one could win. You can still toss back big mugs of drink #2 while relaxing after work.
I hope you plan to serve the winning drink to Clementine only on special occasions.
Clementine’s feet were used to stir the drinks when they were first mixed in pitchers. Interestingly, she frowned–and possibly farted–when she put her foot in drink number three.
Who is the fat guy in photo #1?
I believe that’s a life-sized cutout of Chris Farley.
I don’t think Chris Farley was that heavy.
Who is Pedro and why should we vote for him?
Yeah, I
As a prelude to my meeting with Mark and Linette on April 29th, I am perusing the website that Mark has kept alive for an impressively long amount of time. While viewing the pictures of folks drinking clementine drinks, I noticed a man that looks suspiciously like my friend Walter, circa 1987. Who the hell is this guy, or did Walter land a spot on Exteme Makeover? Please respond.
I’m impressed that you’re studying in advance of our meeting, Cayge. Is there perhaps a website that you can point me toward where I can study up on you and your adventures since leaving Chicago? The last I heard, you were working in a clothing-optional resort in Florida with a “wall of lube.”
As for the fellow in the photo, his name is Joe Fellows and he lives in Chicago. He is a nice man.