she wants my hooperman

A few months ago, I offered a beat-up old cutout of John Ritter as an award for a contest I was holding here at MM.com. As no one won the contest, I never gave the life-sized reproduction of the deceased sitcom star away though… and that may be good news for a young fan of Mr. Ritter’s who found this site by Googling not too long ago. Here’s her first email.

Mark, Hello, my name is Heather. I am a 19 year old college student from Pittsburgh PA who has been ridiculously looking for a life-sized cut-out of my biggest TV crush, John Ritter. I found your website and read about the contest to win the sad looking, shabby cut-out of John Ritter and decided I just had to try to have it! I do, unfortunately, realize that it may have been given away as a prize already, but if you or anyone can help me out by forwarding this message to the prize winner, or just emailing me contact information, that would be wonderful! I’m willing to pay a hefty price for it. I hope you can help me out.

And then, after I wrote back and told her that he was indeed available (for the right trade), she left this comment on the site.

Hi, I would like to say hello to every one, and Happy new year. For those of you who don’t know who I am or have not heard, I am the future second wife of John Ritter (I guess you could say I was widowed before marrage…damn) I contacted Mark about a month ago wondering if he still had the life sized cut-out of John Ritter. To my absolute surprise he did, and I have offered a fare trade for my husband. Mark, I have been thinking over the very busy holiday of what would be the perfect trade…Well I think I finally found one. I have this life-size cut-out of the infamous Pamela Anderson, posing in a Baywatch uniform; looking like the all-american working girl…or something like that. So just let me know if that would be a fair trade and I’ll put Pamela in the mail! Thanks again!

OK, so she’s offering a Pam Anderson cutout. My question to you is this — is Pam Anderson for John Ritter a fair deal? The Ritter, I’m thinking, is probably more rare, and more valuable (given the fact that he just passed away), but the Anderson is probably in better shape. (By the way, doesn’t a two-dimensional cutout of Pam Anderson kind of miss the point?)

So, should I take the deal? Does one of you want a life-sized Pam Anderson? (If so, what would you do for it?) Or, should I ask this young Ritter fan for something else? What do you folks want? How about photos of her with Hooperman every year for the next decade, or every month for the next year, each time in a different location? Do you have ideas? Let’s talk about it. Leave a comment.

(MM.com Paranoia-Watch: Right now, I’m about 40% sure that Heather’s not really a 19 year old college student, but a middle-aged Ebay Power Seller who knows there’s a market for reminders of the famous and dead like these. I just thought I should share that.)

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26 Comments

  1. Brian
    Posted January 24, 2005 at 1:27 am | Permalink

    DON’T DO IT!!!!
    In a year or so one John Ritter will be worth at least 3 Pam Anderson’s (or 5 Carmen Elektra’s—take your pick!!!)

  2. Monica
    Posted January 24, 2005 at 9:37 am | Permalink

    In her offer she included the subtle, but telling typo: “I have offered a fare trade…” I’d say scrap Pam and take the original (and repeated) offer of money. Also, I may the only one to remember that the get rid of Ritter cut-out campaign was started by a clear the clutter momentum, do you really want to backtrack?

    :)

  3. Posted January 24, 2005 at 9:49 am | Permalink

    No deal. If we’re talking money, then the Ritter will surely be more rare and valuable then the Pam Anderson.

    And if we’re talking fun, well, let’s face it, no matter how long and hard you might stare at Pam, I can’t imagine her cutout putting a smile on anyone’s face like the John’s cutout can.

    I suggest we figure out some way to send your John Ritter cutout on a tour. Maybe mailed one by one to your readers. They’ll pose and photograph themselves with John standing by the entry sign to their town or city. You can post the photographs. Not only will you rid yourself of the clutter (sorry John), but the fun will continue.

  4. Mr. Smallwood
    Posted January 24, 2005 at 11:49 am | Permalink

    Another thing you should be considering: what will Freda think of Pam?

  5. Teddy Glass
    Posted January 24, 2005 at 11:59 am | Permalink

    First we need to verify that Heather is in fact a beautiful young woman. I can, if it’s absolutely necesary, drive to Pittsburgh this afternoon. Just give me the GPS coordinates of her dorm room.

  6. Teddy Glass
    Posted January 24, 2005 at 12:01 pm | Permalink

    On second thought – we should just send her the severed head.

  7. Kez Panel
    Posted January 24, 2005 at 12:04 pm | Permalink

    Mark, why would a “19-year old college student from Pittsburgh” want a pseudo-cardbord-husband of the late John Ritter? More investigating is needed before trade…. Maybe there’s a story behind all this? Ask Heather to pose “Cardboard Pam” in front of the $300,000 Clearchannel Pay Toilet at 18th & E. Carson Street for photo.

  8. brett
    Posted January 24, 2005 at 3:33 pm | Permalink

    I’d hate to play devil’s advocate, but I would say that from a financial standpoint ‘cardboard pam’ is definitely the more valuable of the two. As I needed diversion, I did a completed item search on ebay for the collectibles in question, and a pam standup routinely fetches $30 while a three’s company-era SIGNED photo of ritter is lucky to get even $20- So, the much-later-produced standup you have is probably not going to go for much, based upon those numbers, UNLESS you were to write a very clever description in which you insinuate that the standup is in fact haunted by his ghost. That would definitely raise the value.

  9. Ken
    Posted January 24, 2005 at 4:31 pm | Permalink

    I second the motion for a John Ritter tour. I want to take him out for drinks and then feed him a good steak. After, we can go catch a movie or hit the clubs in Buckhead, his choice. What happens after that will be anyone’s guess but all I have to know is, I get to mail his ass off to the next tour stop in the morning!

  10. Posted January 24, 2005 at 6:38 pm | Permalink

    I could ask the punk kids at the Andy Warhol Museum to sponser a “Lunch w/Ritter” day…. Get your picture taken with John Ritter with any gift shop purchase… or I could go to Ritter’s Diner and seat him in the window:

    http://pittsburgh.citysearch.com/profile/8622545/?cslink=cs_boc_lw_2_7

  11. mark
    Posted January 24, 2005 at 11:24 pm | Permalink

    So much to think about…. Endless possibilities….

    OK, how about we send him around to a few people (at least three of you have already expressed an interest in meeting him), and then hand him off to Heather this summer. The last person to have him could be Kez, who lives in Pittsburgh, and then, after having his fun with John, he could deliver him to the young woman. And, we won’t ask for anything in return. (I don

  12. Monica
    Posted January 25, 2005 at 9:12 am | Permalink

    I think you should check with Heather about the folding of her ‘love’… she may be willing to pay for a non-folded mailing tour…

  13. Ken
    Posted January 25, 2005 at 11:18 am | Permalink

    I would be honored to be the first stop on the Hooperman world dating tour. I will do my best to set the bar high, as well. As for folding, from the looks of the picture, Hooperman has been folded, spindled and munilated.

  14. Posted January 25, 2005 at 4:51 pm | Permalink

    Count me in. Maybe I’ll take him out to the coast. I’m in Salem, but I doubt I can get him in to see the governor. You know, with that gun and all.

  15. Heather Groll
    Posted January 25, 2005 at 5:11 pm | Permalink

    Well thank you guys for all the input, this is fun. I was already planning on sending pictures of me and john in wedding cloths…(we havn’t made it offical yet…) Well I guess there has to be a story behind everything, unfortionaly mines kinda boring. I started watching three’s company about 21/2 years ago (right around the time I had had my heart very broken by a very loved boy who moved to new york and never kept contact with me). Well as I’m sure you’ver already figured out, John Ritter has always reminded me of this guy (who’s name happed to be Johmn as well) And my attchment to him slowly started to slip away and gradually growing on John Ritter. Now I make a rediculous effert to watch the show everynight at 11:00 & 11:30 on TVland. And as strang as it may sound, lots of college girls like John Ritter! Granted that I’m usually the one to bring his name up, but I’ve never really herd anyone disagree. It must be a college thing…but dispite that I guess I really don’t have a say-so what happens to Jonh now…it’s up to you guys…I would love to see my blue eyed, 5’11”, hunk (Not Junk!!!)…and Pam is still open, along with more suggestions for trade/bargening….I hope tohave a picture of Pam posted by tomarrow, thanks again guys! I’ll keep in touch.

  16. Heather Groll
    Posted January 25, 2005 at 5:26 pm | Permalink

    I don’t know that the severd head idea would be to healthy for my anxiety…but I do travel alot. I had this Joke barbie that I got ON my cake for my sweet 16. For the past 3 years this barbie has had pictures taken or he in France, Switzerland, spring break in Flordia, Canadohta Lake PA, West Virgina, Cedar Point OH (not a good idea!), Kennywood PA, and in many other rediculous places. Now a small painted up, punked out barbi is one thing, but jonh and I have plans to make our first trip to Canada to do some partying, shopping, and drinking (being I’m not quite US drinking age…)So he would get plenty of miles in with that….if more miles are nessasary then I guess we’ll have to work something else out.

  17. Posted January 26, 2005 at 12:48 pm | Permalink

    As I just said to Keith from Wordshadows in a comment on his blog, I think it would be a good idea to send him on a tour. I’ll take him to Vail and see if we can get a picture of him triggering an avalanche.

  18. Heather Groll
    Posted January 26, 2005 at 3:44 pm | Permalink

    I guess I will start looking for another John then. Thanks guys, it was fun.

  19. Heather Groll
    Posted January 26, 2005 at 4:06 pm | Permalink

    I’m just glad you didn’t throw it away like the origional plan. Well Keith thanks for your idea, and everyone elses input. Have fun guys.
    -Heather

  20. Heather Groll
    Posted January 26, 2005 at 4:56 pm | Permalink

    By the way mark, when you get a chance check your email, I sent a copie of my drivers lisence so you can see my real age…your right I’m not 19, I’m 19 and a half. I tryed to put it on here, but I couldn’t figure it out….

  21. Posted January 26, 2005 at 4:56 pm | Permalink

    Heather, why are you giving up? It sounds like the plan is for John to arrive at your doorstep sometime this coming summer. Fickle youth! Good things are worth waiting for! Isn’t college teaching you that?

    Well, pizza should always arrive in less then an hour. But other then that . . .

  22. Mary
    Posted January 26, 2005 at 5:52 pm | Permalink

    I’ve counted over a dozen mispellings in Heather’s previous posts, and these are simple words! Are we really sure she is a college student? I’m talking about simple words that a fourth grader would know! Sheesh!

  23. mark
    Posted January 27, 2005 at 7:42 am | Permalink

    She sent me her license yesterday. I’ll try to post her photo tonight. She also sent a few notes. Basically, she thinks that the Ritter will be too beaten up after our tour to be of any use to her. (It’s already in pretty bad shape.) In a way I kind of feel that I should just send it to her. (Maybe I’m just feeling sorry for her because of her bad spelling.) I’ll start up another post where we can continue talking about it….

  24. Heather Groll
    Posted January 27, 2005 at 9:58 am | Permalink

    Well mary, I was never an internet person in the first place, or a computer person at that. When I type I do it fast and with out checking over my spelling or grammatical errors. Sorry it bothers you so much. I figure as long as I’m getting my point across, why should I worry about a non graded paragraph in which grown men and women are reading. If you really want to see bad spelling and grammar, go to a typical teenaged chat room website. If you want to see a fickle youth, look at what the internet is doing to kids in the first place…Abbreviations are replacing full words and miss spellings are becoming more familiar to them. If the problem lyes within you caring about my spelling, I’m sorry for that, but I would suggest you look at the rest of the world and maybe care about a bigger problem. If I’d known that spelling was such a big issue to you, maybe I would have checked it over from the start. Just thought I would throw that out to you, being everyone is so open on there oppinion on people here. I’m not trying to target anyone for criticizing my spelling, I’m just trying to state what isn’t the real problem with the issue.

  25. Posted January 30, 2005 at 3:06 am | Permalink

    She wasn’t even alive through the Threes Company years. You can’t [and shouldn’t] fall in love through reruns.

  26. shafe
    Posted February 1, 2005 at 1:09 pm | Permalink

    Just send her the cutout. She’s obviously insane and you don’t want to come home to find your pet rabbit boiling on the stove.

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